I would love some help advice on this topic. My son is 6 years old and has started 1st grade this year. He has an IEP (developmental delay /ADAHD). His kindergarten school day was comprised of a "blended" morning class of maybe 6 kids and after lunch he went into his afternoon general class of like 10ish kids. Now his first grade class has 22 kids.
This year has been unbearable for this poor kid. He just cannot regulate his body, cannot sit still enough to complete any work. HIs school team has been sooooo accommodating. Providing standing desks and fidgets and weighted vests and lots of brain breaks and walks and social work minutes. Just a lot of things to have him succeed. All isnt working. However academically he is at grade level but now staff worried as he is at a point not being able to complete work he will fall behind.
Unfortunately, now has turned aggressive. Mostly in the afternoon. After lunch teachers have stated that he is super dysregulated and spirals from there. He is now screaming, hitting kicking throwing things. Aggressive with staff. daily.
At home, yes he is defiant but nothing we cant handle not like this with us at home.
My heart aches seeing my son struggle like this and days are hard. Im on edge constantly waiting for the phone to ring from school.
My son is a sweet caring fun empathetic kid... where did he go? He loved school.
I will add i finally have thrown in the towel with medication. I tried my hardest to go down the natural route but finally gave in. We came to the conclusion that his body really needs it. He actually started today (fingers crossed)
Anyone out there with similar situation?! Any and all advice comments words of encouragement welcome.
Thank you
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MarisaP0121
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My son is 5years going to make 6. Same diagnostic.Next year starts school, but he is now agressive and explosive when orders oppose his will, or when he fail task.
He is on 15mg Vyvanse. (Elvanse in Europe)
Your mountain is my mountain, and i have a separation from his mom to complicate things to his delicate sphere of trust.
I raise and sleep with him every night.
Mom says he is better than ever 15 days after. I wont buy it, my guts telling me something big could be comming.
But lets focus, how can we deal with all the frustration, rage in them?
Thanks Jorge. Yes im hopeful the medication will help... so far so good. I know its going to be a long road but definitely have his school provide recourses as well helps so much. Sending positive thoughts your way too this platform is nice to know we are not alone
Hi. There is always the option of the district sending him to a special school. My son goes to one and is doing so much better. He was having a lot of social issues, which may come up as your son gets older. Now my son has friends and getting straight As. Good luck to you!
I am dealing with the same issues. My son takes a long acting Ritalin in the AM before school and a short acting after lunch but his specialist felt like a second, lower dose of the long acting at lunch might be the best way to go. Waiting for the script to be filled. I can sympathize with always being in pins and needles waiting for more distressing calls and emails. I always have a pit in my stomach now, even when I hear from family members who want to talk !
This worked very well for our son for years. When your son gets to middle school consider asking for more academic class in the AM since medication wears off and things change in the afternoon.
The pit in stomach is something terrible to live with everyday ... so sorry you guys are going through this too. So far the focalin XR 5mg has had a positive effect for us. I know its along road to get this medication right but glad we started. Best of luck with your sons' second dose. Let me know how it goes
My son had some aggressive behaviors too and still does when his meds wear off. I too tried so many natural alternatives but ultimately, the only thing that helped us was the medication. It took several different attempts to get the right fit. It can still pop up if he is overexcited and we had to increase his dose slightly after 6 mos. I continue to exclude artificial dues and limit sugar intake as continue some supplements like magnesium, vitamin D and fish oil. I think a lot of the outbursts/aggression come from his RSD and some sensory issues.
It's a tough time for sure but know there are others dealing with this too - if that helps. Your son has so much support at school and that is amazing!
Yes in my circle of family and friends no one is struggling with this so knowing im not alone really helps! I gave him his first dose on Friday morning and after school me and his team of teachers were crying tears of job and hugging because it was his best day this year!! I know its a long road but so happy we started. Thanks for sharing about the supplements. Do you mind sharing what you use? I also limit sugar and exclude the artificial dies.
My son is similar age and had similar challenges, albeit more so at home than school. Many things helped a little, but the only things that noticeably improved his behavior were medication and time (he has matured from when he was diagnosed at 4, he is 7 now).
We tried many different types of medication, some didn't work, some actually made things worse, but with the help of his developmental pediatrician and child psychiatrist, we found a combination (of non-stimulants, stimulants didn't help him) that works well for him. It was a several month process, maybe longer. It's not night and day but it is a very noticeable improvement.
He still has many challenges but is doing well at school where his behavior has gone from the most challenging in the class when he was 5 to being well within average levels for an energetic boy his age. He has an IEP and was in a co-teaching class for kindergarten and first grade, but has now been moved to mainstream. Good luck with your quest - I found this board very helpful and still do.
Thank you so much for sharing! This has been such a terrible time but im hopeful we made the right decision starting with the medication. I gave him his first dose on Friday morning and after school me and his team of teachers were crying tears of job and hugging because it was his best day this year!! I know its a long road but so happy we started. Im so happy to hear your son is doing better
Hi! Would you mind sharing the meds your son takes? My daughter is 7 and is in the same boat. Stimulants, for the most part, seem to make her worse and we're still trying to find the perfect combination to help regulate her anger.
My son takes guanfacine ER and atomoxetine. I think the former helps with impulsiveness and the latter with mood, though not 100% sure. His psychiatrist has helped us figure out the right meds and dosing which took a while but was critical. He still has plenty of issues with anger but it's improved. Good luck!
Been there! This is exactly what we have gone through with our son (now 8) His school and IEP team is also extremely supportive of him/us. My son has been diagnosed with AdHD and anxiety/mood disorder. My son is also very smart and ahead of his class. During the tough times at school where he is out of class more just keep working with him at home and he will be fine!
He takes a stimulant, non stimulant, and Celexa for his anxiety. When everything is working together along with the parent training we did its so good at school and home! When he outgrows a med or it stops working alot of what you just described resurfaces. His anxiety comes out as not being able to be in the main classroom as much, seeking more isolated spaces, wanting para by him for comfort, becomes dysregulated super easily and hard to bring him back down, running from teachers, hiding, sometimes hitting, not able to eat in the lunch room, refusal of school work. At home, it comes out as more loud behavior, melt downs over "silly things" and just less tolerance for us and little brother. It looks like "oh..did he not take his stimulant meds??" But, we have figured out (through Journaling and his psychiatrist that its usually the anxiety med that needs adjusting and then everything is right as rain again.
I know it's so hard getting the daily updates during those times. When you find the right med combo whatever that may be for you..there will be much more better days than off days.
Thank you so much for sharing!! Its really so nice when the team is so supportive and really cares!! I gave him his first dose on Friday morning and after school me and his team of teachers were crying tears of job and hugging because it was his best day this year!! Im really hopeful better days are ahead though I know its a long road. This helps so much knowing im not alone. Thanks for mentioning the journaling, i def need to do that. Im so happy to hear your son is doing better, makes me hopeful!
This sounds like my son. I always thought there was anxiety driving some of his aggression along w the adhd. I’m going to speak w the psychiatrist. Getting my son on stimulants at school and a special ed class was gamechanging but lately he’s been action out again so either we need to up meds or add some
Hugs to you!!!! I have so been there as a mom!!! First of all, I would encourage you to stop feeling guilty and seeing medication as “throwing in the towel” and somehow failing your son. You made a decision to help him feel more regulated and successful in any way you could. He tried the other ways and they just weren’t enough. That’s ok. You figured out what is going on and are getting him what he needs, even when it’s really hard for you. Kudos to you as a mom. I definitely found a child psychiatrist the most expert in helping get us the best medicine plan for our son (severe ADHD & mild autism). We didn’t have access to a developmental behavioral pediatrician, but they are another wonderful expert option. Hang in there!!!! You are not alone. Our son is doing so much better now and he started ADHD medicine at 4 years 9 months old. I was absolutely crushed as a mom and was picturing him as a juvenile delinquent someday. He is a 7th grade honor student 💕💕💕
Thank you so much for your kind words and reassuring me <3 We are seeing great things already at school. I am so hopeful we are on the right path. I am so happy to hear your son is doing great today !! I really feel so hear and seen here and it definitely helps!
SDC autism teacher here. Many of my students also have ADHD and a few can "bounce off the walls" and/or behave aggressively. One thing I have learned is that change can make an otherwise sweet and caring child seemingly turn into the tasmanian devil. Structure and consistency is helpful. As someone with ADHD, I can attest to how confusing and disconcerting change, especially unexpected change, can be. I have found that talking with even my non-verbal kids what is going to happen helps. Allowing time (longer than what neurotypical people may believe) along with appropriate medication (if warrented), weighted vests/blankets/lap mats, fidgets, etc. for children with ADHD and/or autism to adjust to new schedules can reduce behavior excesses. Reinforcing desired behaviors can also help.
My other thought: our other child is 9 & has ASD & intellectual disability, plus significant motor delays (gross & fine motor—-is just now writing her first name). Even if your son has developmental delays, he will make progress. I have been amazed by what our daughter can learn, even as I feel sad watching her struggle compared to her peers. She has surpassed all my expectations already (I never thought she would even talk, and she is reading!) Don’t give up! You will slowly learn as you go. Your wonderful son will teach you vastly more about yourself, about life, and about your capacity for joy and love than you will ever teach him. I promise. Hugs and I’m cheering reading he had a great day 💕💕💕
Oh totally, it's a learning process every day! Im so happy to hear your daughter is improving as well <3 WE have to praise the breakthoughs ! Hugs to you !!
This is a child who said zero words until 3. Today she said, “Mommy, I’m lucky because I have the best mom ever.” Believe me, I know I’m not the best mom ever, but hearing her say that is the best moment ever. 💕💕💕. She brings great joy even though I would not have understood that 10 years ago. You will really celebrate your son’s victories and be so proud of everything he can do.
Update: Just when I was able to start sleeping again, Ive been getting word from my son's teacher that now she is noticing when he comes back to the classroom from lunch, he has a lot of uncontrolled energy and is very sensory seeking (rolling on the floor, needing to use is oral chewie). Today, after lunch he was yelling and throwing things again. He'll have been on his medication for 2 weeks this coming Friday and I dont follow up with the Dr. until next week :/ I knew this wasnt going to be a quick fix but so soon?!?!
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