I just read an article about the benefits of sending your child to a private school for ADHD children. They cite the following reasons: individualized education, they become self-advocates, specially-trained staff , and specialized support.
I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or just sets up unrealistic expectations for life later on?
Hello Uptowngirl12121,I hope this school lives up to what it offers. Because private school can be expensive I suggest doing some homework. Find parents whose kids go to that school and pepper them with questions. Ask how it helped their child and if they would do it again.
Secondly I would ask what "special" training the staff has. Is it a certification or a masters degree? Sometimes individualized education is smaller class size but that doesn't automatically translate to better teaching. If it is a small class and structured like regular school that may not help your child. Ask how they individualize the instruction. What exactly does that mean? Don't be shy. This is your kid and your money you have every right to know exactly what you are getting.
If their pitch is to help your kid mainstream, then they aren't really cultivating individual creativity.
I don't mean to sound down on private schools, I'm not. I would just have them explain exactly what they do to reach the goals or stated benefits of their program.
You need to feel confidant that it will actually be a good fit for your child.
I hope this is useful.
BLC89
Full disclosure: I'm an ADHD coach and CCSP certified. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids with ADHD.
Thank you. Just one question can you please explain what you mean by if their pitch is to mainstream then they aren't really cultivating individual creativity?
Apologies for the delay. I find that the "help" that is offered to ADHDers is focused on fitting in. Fitting in entails changing yourself to fit the group. In my experience the change being asked for curbs if not entirely dismantles the crazy amount of creativity that comes with ADHD. Their different thinking is what has brought us beautiful music like Mozart and some of the funnies people like Robin William, and leaps forward in technology like personal computers. We wouldn't have those things if they "fit in". Most inventors, from what we know now, were ADHDers. That's what drove them to find solutions no one else could. All that to say, your child is wired differently and it should be celebrated not constrained or reduced to fit into the neuro-typical mold.I hope that makes sense. I just see many adults with ADHD who can do great things but carry such heavy baggage because they were told and shamed to fit in, it breaks my heart.
BLC89
In my personal experience private school works very well and the main reason is much smaller class sizes and a more tailored education. This is main stream schools suited for mild/moderate ADHD and particularly inattentive.
I haven’t read the article you did read. What I’d say I’d stay clear of any educational establishments which just take children with one label- ADHD. In life people with ADHD mix with everyone else and not live in a bubble only with other people with ADHD around.
If you can afford a private school I would look for a ‘non selective’ and ‘non academic’ but not a special needs school (if your child is okay with their cognition and can cope academically in a mainstream school).
Basically things to look in a private school in my opinion is - small class size, are the sports inclusive (look for school where every child that wants to be in a let’s say football team will be in a football team because school will create enough football teams for every ability). Do they have a range of sports (it’s so important for kids with ADHD).
Check if school has a Special Needs Coordinator. This will be a person who takes care of all the kids with dyslexia, ASD, ADHD etc. Once you speak to this coordinator you will have a better idea how they support kids.
When you are shown around the school during the lessons you will see if the kids have some disorders. For example when I was shown around one school the teacher asked kids who would want to tell me what they learn at the moment in history and he chose a kid who put a hand out and this kid started talking. Teacher was making visuals prompts to this boy to look at me whilst he’s talking. I felt this was great.
Also teacher said that some kids struggle with writing things quickly and with organisational skills so when they do and essay first they draft a plan -he asks those kids to speak to computer and that’s how they make an essay plan and then most of the essay is done this way and then they brush up paragraphs etc.
I wanted my kid to move to this school
But sadly one of his Educational Psychology reports from a couple of years ago was very bad (my son was suffering severe side effects of Methylpenidate at the time)…And sadly I didn’t think about it, if fact I forgot about that terrible report but this was shared by his current school Special Needs Coordinator (very spiteful woman) with the prospective school and unfortunately even though following the taster day they accepted my child, then once they chatted to current Special Needs coordinator and seen the report- they changed their mind and said they can’t have him.
So I’d say- if you find the school you like, make sure you have reports that write truth in terms of your child’s needs but in a positive way, also make sure you know what is shared in terms of reports.
I know now that I should have requested that nothing is shared without my previous consent…
We went down that road with our kiddo. Didn’t work out so well. We ended up pulling him out before the end of the school year. Our public school is fantastic and they are much more equipped and experienced in working with kiddos that have ADHD. Our little man is thriving there where at private school we felt he was singled out for his behavior. Best of luck to you in whatever choice you make!
We had to do the same. Our 4 year old has an IEP now and is finishing the year at our local public school in the special services program (preparing for inclusion kindergarten program). Forest school was cool, and Montessori fostered some first friendships, but neither school could handle his inflexibility, difficulties with transitions, and low frustration tolerance and impulse control (the physicality of his reactivity only increased while at these schools, as they responded to his dysregulation with tactics that exacerbated his symptoms instead of helping regulate and de-escalate).
brightside99: same with us. We went through K-8 at private then jumped into a large yet well-rated public school and while neither was perfect we have no regrets in leaving private. They were not equipped to help our borderline son with his issues due to the small size of their staffing.
we just pulled our son out of private school, and moved him to our public school. The public school was much more equipped, with 504 plans and accommodations. The private school we were at was great, but not a great fit for our son.
Same. There was a lot to like about both private schools we tried, but they simply weren't equipped. If one were able to find a properly-equipped private school, then that would be different.
So - the private school was not a school especially for different learners? Is that correct?
correct. The one we used was just a normal private school.
We personally have our son in a private school. He has adhd and several other things as well. He is also not medicated. He has been their since prek and is in 5th grade now. We love it. He loves school, and does very well. Id reccommend it. We personally put him in their before his diagnosis because of the structure and things they could balance for him...smaller classrooms and less overall students was one. I cannot say enough good things. Its expensive but your children are worth it! Every cent...good luck with whatever you choose!Katie
That sounds promising. May I ask is the private school specially designed for non-neurotypical children or its just a kick-ass private school?
It is not. However, once he was diagnosed he set up a plan of things to help him....extra set of books home, tests read to him and if not and he doesn't do well he gets a chance to correct them, time out of classroom to "walk" or "get a drink of water" when flustered or hyper, a signed adgenda book, teacher oversees that he packs what he needs, things like that and it has helped him sooo much! He also CAN get pulled if he needs help but i make it not a regualr thing inless he struggles. I do not want him to feel "different" from classmates or get treated differently. Our son also, has not been told what he has as to my request. I do not feel he needs to be labeled to get help.
Sry let me clarify it is not for non neurotypical children but is kick ass!
Hi Mickeylang! My question is not related to the original thread but noticed you mentioned you are not medicating your child. We have a 9 year old and are going the same route but sometimes worry we are making a mistake. We have not medicated but are using Hardy's Nutritionals and positive parenting. I was just wondering if there is anything you recommend that has helped your child going the non-medication route? Thanks!!
By the way, we are not medicating either!!!!!! Our journey has been play therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, Brain Balance program with the nutritional plan. We use various accommodations in school and we swim afterschool once a week. Most school days are positive although there are some less than stellar moments here and there - triggered somewhat by a culture of bullying but also every now and then he just won't have a great day. We honestly made the greatest strides with the Brain Balance program.
Thanks so much! We do swimming and therapy also!
What has helped our child so far has also had a lot to do with how busy we keep him. I sometimes feel like i have to act like i have adhd too just to have the energy to keep up with him. Especially since we have 2 other children and a farm of animals to take care of! After school, he is busy every evening with tutoring (3 days a wk) to soccer practice (2 days a wk) with a game saturday. Plus he has homework every evening. Homework literally takes hours to complete due to the amount of breaks he takes but he gets it done. Also, i have several family members both mine and my husbands family and honestly, their not on the "best path" of life...what really put everything in perspective for me was asking these family members directly how their adhd affected them and how could their parents have helped them better. These member of family are not close friends with one another nor did i ask them this around one another and EVERY single one of them said "don't give him meds." They gave several reasons as to why so i took that and ran with it. I could go on and on as to why i ran with it lol. Overall though, hes doing well. Hes finding what works for him, how to handle himself, how to keep the hyperness and energy at bay, and much more....which is all i can ask. Im not sure what the future holds but i will hold off on medicine until i absolutely have to. I dont want to rely on a medicine everyday to function, and i wouldnt want that for him either. Id rather put in the work.
It takes my breath away to hear those who have first hand experience say 'don't give meds'. In my heart I felt it wasn't right for our child. But the work, as you say, is insane. I know my other mommy friends with neuro-typical children don't fully understand. One woman told me that I wanted this child and now that I have him I can't handle it. I didn't even bother to explain that the hyperactive energy level and needs are off the chain. In that moment I just felt so defeated/exhausted I couldn't muster enough to fight back. But feel free to share why you 'ran with it'. Sometimes I wonder if I should give in but then I just can't go the meds route because although he may not be perfect I see the actual growth and changes. There's more to go so I don't see why we can't just be on our path and journey? I am in the process of ramping UP the activities and I hope we get the right mix of things going.
Hi, are you referring to a private school for adhd kids, or just a private school in general? In my opinion it very much depends on the school, they are all so different! We’ve always loved my son’s private Catholic school, but as he’s gotten older and had some challenges we’ve found they’re not meeting his needs. He has a very small class, only 13 kids, but his teacher still can’t or won’t make the slightest accommodations for him. They are very strict regarding behavior, which isn’t great for my talkative, fidgety, kid who sometimes has poor impulse control. Since it’s a parochial school, he isn’t eligible for a 504 or anything like that. He’ll likely stay through 8th grade, but when it’s time for high school or if we end up looking at new schools, I will absolutely put them through the wringer! I would look past class size and into ALL of the teachers and their ability to manage a classroom and adjust things for your kiddo. Be sure there is a learning resource person AND that they’re available all the time, not stretched too thin. I’d look at their qualifications too. Believe me, if I could do it all over again, I’d be going in with my guns blazing! Unfortunately we weren’t aware of his adhd until a couple years later, and have just started having problems. Good luck!!!
I was referring to a private school for adhd kids but actually am gaining insight from all the answers. Our son did not do well in his time in Catholic school either -- too strict. But that was also before we had a formal diagnosis.
We have had our son in a private school for 5 yrs. The school is inclusive, but most of the students have learning differences. They provide lists of sports and arts. The classrooms are small and there are many accommodations and well-trained teachers Our son just finished 9th grade and was asked not to return. He found the 9th grade transition very challenging and did not take advantage of accommodations, so his grades really suffered. Nonetheless, we’re very upset about the school’s decision because we thought they would partner with us to help our son, who has no behavioral issues and has been a strong member of the school’s community. But no. After 5 yes and so much money spent, he’s left feeling like a failure and we can’t hold them accountable. We may try public school because they can’t kick him out and we have leverage through 504 and IEP. Be careful and know that no matter which school, you’ll have to stay very involved.
Aw that sounds unfair, hurtful and so damaging to self esteem. I am curious about the accommodations. Why did they allow him to not use them? They are mandated so I feel like they should have communicated that to both him and you as the parent. Thank you for sharing. I hope it all works out.
thanks for your kind words. We’re still reconvening from it all and now scrambling to find a Bre school for the fall. ( they made their decision on May 1). They said that since he’s in HS the owness is on him to ask for accommodations. But the very nature of his learning differences makes it hard for him to do this. Anyway, I know he’ll be fine in the long run. It’s a one of those “door closes/ door opens” moments. Best of luck for your child. Just love them. That’s what they need the most.
I honestly don't think that's true. The onus is on them to PROVIDE the accommodation - its the law. Anyway, I get it. Another battle - who has the time or energy. You've got to focus on your son now and it sound like you're doing it.
My son is 7, with combined type ADHD, ASD characteristics and in public school, going into 2nd grade. He’s been in public since kinder and we are in a good school district (9/10). We got diagnosis at the end of kinder, and his teacher at the time was not really a good fit, as she didn’t have much experience w ADHD. But we went into 1st grade with a diagnosis and plan that we shared w his new teacher and principal at the start (including working through medication protocol), and the open dialogue, medication and change in teacher really brought him success. Socialization w neurotypical kiddos is essential for my little guy, so this was a fit for us. The public school is also required by law to make accommodations and provide credentialed teachers, so I found public to be the right fit to get him the services he needs. Private does not have same obligation. One thing to consider, we could not do public school w out medication. He needs it to function socially and academically, and with it, has been thriving. Of course, there are side effects, so we are working w a functional doc to help wean him off slowly, if we can. Best of luck 🤞
Sounds great to me! Maybe unrealistic expectations later on, but skills learned (and healthy self esteem) would be there when they realize the real world is rough. We only have regular private school experience.
Hi!
My son ended up going to a school specifically for people that are non neurotypical. It was the best thing that happened to him. He went from a school that put him is a special class. He didn’t learn anything, he still wasn’t reading and he was lonely, basically a place to be. Then when he was in 6th grade he moved to Anova. He flourished, He finally had friends because he was with his actual peers. The teachers were specially trained to teach him how to succeed. He learned how to read and now reads incredibly well. He is now in college working on his degree and has learned how to successfully navigate through a neurotypical world with success . That was a wonderful experience for him.
My advice to you would be to check out the school a few times. Ask lots of questions, like what happens to most of the kids after they graduate? What does a typical day look like. Does the school offer a diploma and not just a certificate of completion in case your child wants to go on to college or university after.
I wish you and your family the very best!
Great things to consider and congratulations on your son's success. Thanks!
It can depend a lot on the school. Definitely reach out to your admissions contact and ask if they think it would be a good fit given what you'd want for your child.
You should be aware that a private school is not required to accept any child, nor are they required to follow or provide services for an IEP or 504 plan.So if your child has any difficulty in school due to their ADHD, they can be kicked out and you would have no recourse since it's private.
I know where I live it is very hard to get your child with ADHD or any other dusability into private school. Or if you do, to manage to keep them from being kicked out.
That's a stunning revelation. I'll have to look into that.
I'll try to be brief given the number of replies. After years of battling the public school to enforce compliance with the 504 plan, which included numerous meetings, lawyers, consultants and advisors, we switched my son to a small, independent (not a religion school) private school for high school. It changed his life and ours. This school just does the things we had to force the public school to do simply because that's what he needs to function at his best, which is what they want for him. He went from being told he "didn't understand the concepts" (code for "not our problem") at public school to being a confident student who has been on the high honor roll (summa cum laude) since switching. The school is expensive, but no more missed time from work, lawyers, consultants, advisors, etc. It is worth every single dollar we pay, and all of his desired colleges are now well within reach for him. My only regret (parenthood requires regrets) is that we did not switch him sooner. That's our story. Good luck to you.
Hi there! Thank you for this response! Do you mind sharing what grade your son is? We pulled our son out of the big public high school due to similar issues (noncompliance with IEP for executive functioning skills, etc) and this semester he is in a small private school. Although it is a safe environment, it is a REALLY small school (they are trying to provide him with the support he needs, but none of them are trained in special education or kids with adhd needs, its such a small school (total of 18 kids in 9-12th grade!) that he gets enough attention and would never fall through the cracks. The issue is that its an alternative school with no sports, no school dances, no clubs, etc and although he is getting the educational attention, he isnt getting much else. He is pretty high functioning, but not happy there, so Im not sure if paying all this $$ is making this school the right fit either! Are you willing to share the name of your school (is it a high school?) TIA for any info! Its SO hard navigating the school system to find a good fit 
He's in 11th grade now. I won't share the school name publicly because it would identify him. I am in NY state. If you are not in this area, knowing the school name won't help you.
No worries, I totally understand! Wishing you the best and I am SO happy to hear your son is thriving! We are trying to figure out whether we should put him in a small public charter school or keep him there....need to find a school that will support his success while understanding and acknowledging his learning differences along with a healthy peer group, maybe I looking for a unicorn..
we switched to private school with 1:5 ratios after miserable 6-8 grade in public with 504. No regrets, we signed up for second year. No depression, less anxiety , kid is back wanting to go to college. Very structured. Limits electronics. St Margaret’s School, Tappahannock VA.
There is a lot of good information here. Basically, and this is what everyone seems to be saying, is that it all depends on the school, and as a former teacher turned ADHD coach, I agree completely. In both public and private school, I would question the experience and training of the teacher and/or the paraeducator ( the 1-to-1 assigned to your child, if any). Many think that smaller classes are what makes a better fit, but personally, that is not always the case. Many families seem to think that Montessori, Waldorf, and similar schools will be the answer. I have taught in a Montessori school and an alternative, school where the students choose what they want to learn. These programs rarely have the structure that helps ADHD students to thrive. ADHD students do best with routines, structure, consistency, clear expectations, guidance on how to monitor their behaviors on their own, and patient adults who understand the child and how to help.
My daughter has Selective Mutism, so in 7th grade I moved her to a private school for the "learning challenged." She flourished for years until her senior year, which ends in 2 days. The workload increased with more reading and writing assignments and suddenly I was getting emails from her teachers that she was skipping assignments ... she had a 3.9 GPA so it was totally unlike her. So I assumed she was being lazy and distracted. Luckily her school psychologist told me to get her tested for ADHD. And to my surprise, she had that and a learning disability.
Where being in a private school paid off this year of hell, I told her teachers to work directly with my daughter and make sure she doesn't fail. For $30K a year, I put all of it on them and told them not to email me but to go to the school psychologist, who became the point person, and work it out. I'd gladly step in if there was a true crisis, but the school was to handle the academics.
It worked. I won't say for a second that I wasn't worried, anxious. But my daughter learned how to negotiate alternate assignments, if needed, get extended due dates, have extra opportunities to raise her grades and basically work the system in her favor. So that tuition, the smaller classes, the closeness the students had with their teachers paid off.
I think it would depend on the school. In general, public schools are better equipped to support students with 504 plans, IEPs if they qualify, etc. There’s a wide variety of private schools out there. A private school that specifically only serves the neurodivergent population and requires neuropsychology evaluation and records review to be considered for admission? Yes, if my child were floundering in my neighborhood public school despite med management by a psychiatrist, an ADHD coach, & a high quality 504 that was being followed appropriately. Your average religious or parochial school (I don’t mean this as anything negative about religion)? No because they do not usually have the staff & resources to support a student who is not succeeding with the public school support.
Children's needs change a lot over the years especially once they hit 7th and 8th grade and up so what may work in elementary school may not work in high school. My son has inattentive ADHD and has been at a private school since 6th grade - he is now finishing 9th grade. We were advised by his 4th grade teacher to move him to a private school with smaller class sizes because he is very quiet in class. The public schools in our area have very large class sizes for middle and high school (35-40 kids per class). It's about a lot more than class size though.
When looking at private schools, consider also where will your child and family feel most comfortable and fit in. Private schools generally have a culture and attract for the most part like minded families. It is important that the families share your academic values and goals. In other words, why are they sending their child to that private school? You can't look at the school's website or brochures excusively for the information. You need to look under the hood. You have to talk and get to know the parents at the school. Make sure it is a village you want your child to be in.
In addition, where can your child also get the support needed - and most importantly look for support that focuses on your child's strengths not just weaknesses. All ADHD kids need to be somewhere they have the potential to tap into their strengths and interests. If a school is too rigid in their curriculum or only focuses on the weaknesses and how to accommodate them that is not generally the best school for an ADHD student regardless of class size. Think spread your child's wings not clip them.
I like what you've said about focusing on strengths and not just weaknesses. I plan to take that forward. Thanks.
Hello! My ADHDer goes to a private, Christian school. I would say it is significantly different from public school for several reasons. Firstly, if your kiddo needs any resources (IEP, 504, help from a para, etc) look into whether the private school can provide it. They are not funded by the government and therefore are scarce in many of those areas.
Secondly, we have found that they put up with A LOT less, behaviorally speaking. So, if your child has impulse issues, like mine!, expect more trouble, trips to the principal’s office, etc. They will likely be far more strict than public.
That being said, the classroom sizes are typically smaller, so the kids get more attention. I disagree with the “specialized training” and “specialized support” unless you are looking at a private school geared toward neurodivergent kids. In fact, some private schools don’t even require their teachers be certified.
So, for my family it made sense. We wanted stricter rules, a Christian education, smaller class sizes. Our school happens to have highly qualified teachers, but that would need to be researched on your end.
Good luck!
Yes,your comments about private Christian schools sound spot on. Thanks!
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