Hello all, our 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I am looking for any advice you may have for us as we begin our new journey with getting him adjusted to living with ADHD. He is very energetic (he scored high in the hyper section of the testing) he is currently in speech therapy as he was delayed and has made some excellent progress in a short time.
There is an abundance of information out there, I am not fully against medication, however being this young and not able to communicate as well, I would prefer to try other methods first. If I am being honest the potential side effects are scary, especially for someone as young as 4.
If you are willing to share any tips that worked for your child, I will greatly appreciate it. Also if you have any literature that has helped you please pass it along, I am reading as much as I can to learn as much as I can.
Thank you!
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RacerMama
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Welcome.. Welcome we are always here for you. This is a place where we parents, guardians and anyone connected to a child with ADHD can come and share and have a shoulder to cry on when needed.
Our son is now 16 years old. I can say looking back I am very happy that we involved him in a number of sports so in the evenings he could get his energy out. Even today he will have a full day of school, play basketball at lunch, have sports practice and come home and still need time to get his energy out.
I am Thankful I listened to doctors who guided through the journey. We have had him in therapy, he is taking medication and he has an educational plan.
If you have an issue or question come up, just do a search inside the group for previous message so you can read what we have said in the past.
I will also add, I did not do a lot of "research" on the internet when our son was diagnosed. I just tried to stay focused on giving him the tools he needed to thrive.
Again.. welcome.
Welcome to the forum.
I’d say if your son is fine and not causing trouble in preschool and school setting then if I were you I wouldn’t mediate him just yet because as you say -the side effects are there, medication does cause stunted growth, has impact on year health etc.
It’s great that you have this diagnosis now so you know why your son is the way he is.
However I’d say there will be the point and you will know yourself when, when you will need to make a decision about medication. I think probably about age 6-8 is a good time to start medication. This means that he will have a better chance to take in at school. You don’t want him to fall behind only because he’s not medicated.
My advice when you start medication is ‘less’ can work. So let’s say when my son was started on stimulant already at 5mg I saw improvement. But consultant was like, no we give him 30 as the maintenance dose. And he even said during one medication review when I kept listing how unwell my son was on this medication ‘I can give him 50mg if you still don’t have symptom control.’ But it was medication that was making my son this way! I think had we kept the lowest possible dose- 5mg my son would have been fine. But the consultant said ‘it’s not possible that such low dose works’. So be assertive, don’t allow multi medication and keep your son on the lowest possible dose as long as possible.
To give you the example- my son is on Atomoxetine now and on 25mg his pulse was still fine but after a year on 40mg now his pulse is very high even at night. So now we are scared that medication will be stopped all together. And irony is I was the one asking consultant to up it! But he never told me that this medication can cause heart problems! And now I am worried we will be putting our son through trying yet another medication if his pulse won’t go down with lowering the Atomoxetine dose…
Thank you so much for your insight. It was very helpful as we start this journey with our little one. You have definitely put my mind at ease for the time being, I truly appreciate it!
That was one of my concerns with him being so young and not very good at communicating things that feel off about his body. I will make sure to start low if the time comes where he will need medication. I really hope they are able to figure out a dosage that will help him and get his pulse under control.
Our kiddo was also diagnosed at 4. Things that have helped us tremendously:
1. Occupational Therapy
2. Counseling — both for our child and us as a family
3. Reading books to better understand ADHD
4. Keeping our child active with sports
We did not even consider medication until 1st grade, at which time considerable behavior struggles started to impact his school day . He now takes a time released pill only on school days and it’s amazing how much it has helped him. He’s absolutely thriving in school! Best of luck on your journey!
Thank you so much for sharing some of your experience with me. We are looking into behavioral/occupational therapy at the center he goes to for his speech therapy. I will look into sports for his age group, there was a lack of coaching in recent years so sports for the littles were harder to come by, thankfully more things are opening up and I feel we can find something that will suit him.
I would like to avoid it as long as I can if possible. I would like for him to be able to recognize and verbalize if something feels off for him, right now he can not do that. I am so happy to hear your kiddo is thriving, you have helped put me at ease about our new journey.
Good work on being on top of this early! We always kind of suspected something but our ADHD son (now 7) turned 4 the month before covid and after a bad preschool experience (not him, meaning the preschool was awful), so we chalked everything up to environmental factors.
So I don't have any real advice at that age except to say you are really doing good work being on it so early!
And that we only started medication about halfway through Kindergarten (6 years old), when the school issues popped up.
Thank you! His older brother was having some ADHD behaviors but tested under the threshold for a diagnosis, once I realized he had the same things going on but amplified we asked his preschool teachers and they agreed he should be tested. I am certainly relieved to know that he does indeed have it and now we can make progress with him and make sure that school goes smoothly next year.
Your kind words mean a lot to me, thank you again!
Welcome! My son is 10 but we knew since he was a toddler. Photos of him would rarely be in focus with his arms and legs in a blur - lol. Climbing everything, always moving, impulsive but also creative, extremely funny.
We dragged our feet on medication until 2nd grade when it was clear he was falling behind in school and had a very small window of focus each day.
Knowing your child has ADHD, be extra cautious about their safety. My son would impulsively run toward traffic or exit a playground given the opportunity. I had to watch him like a hawk.
Consider getting yourself and/or your child’s other parent tested for ADHD if there are any symptoms. It often runs in families, about 50% chance of inheriting. Getting treatment for it helps tremendously when raising a child with it.
Thank you so much for your advice, we are currently in the process of trying to find a certified ADHD parent coach to work with, we are also looking into occupational/behavioral therapies to help him regulate his emotions. Our little one is the same, like he is run by a motor from the time he is awake until the time he falls asleep, he is on the go, full throttle.
I am hoping to hold off on medication as long as possible, but when he needs it I will not be against it.
Welcome! The biggest help for us has been identifying lagging skills and figuring out ways to support those, which is ongoing because things change as they grow and this does not go away just because a medication might help some. The testing was very helpful in finding out what therapy was needed, and it looks like you're already tackling speech 🎉 Isn't it amazing how much progress can be seen in a short time? 🥰 We have play therapy now and this has been helpful with the little details that are specific to my kiddo and our parenting, so I highly recommend this. Mine needs OT, but the process through the school system remains ongoing for the eval, so our play therapist helped us get started at home with tips.
Thank you for your response and what has helped you thus far. We were advised to get a neuropsych evaluation to determine what else he may need extra help with. He will also need OT, we are already working with the school for when he enters 4K in the fall on what he may need, some of the accommodations will require the testing so we are trying to get it done as soon as we can. He has made such an improvement in speech therapy, his therapist is very impressed with the progress in such a short amount of time.
Here to say Welcome mama! I too am a mama to a newly diagnosed 5 year old (6 in July) sweetheart with combined ADHD. Completely new to all of this. After doing some reading on symptoms and behaviors I was like sheesh this is my son to the Tee! HA We are also holding off on medications for now (definitely not against meds as I am on my own for PTSD/depression/anxiety) due to his age and possible side effects. He's not in kinder yet, I decided to give him another year rather than him being a fresh 5 year old in kinder. I kind of want to see how his first few months of Kinder go before we circle back to the idea of possible medications. The pedi highly recommended Jornay if we do decide that route. Sports have been hit or miss for my boy -_- He doesn't do well with the defeat, the sudden noises and people coming after him (we've tried baseball, soccer, flag football, & basketball). But he has SOO SOOO much energy! So if anyone has any other recommendations I'm all ears.
A great sport that lasts a life time is cycling. The whole family can do it and there are all sorts of different ways to ride/compete if you want to: road, mountain, gravel, cyclocross (so fun and muddy the kids love it!!) and track. There are teams but you don't have people coming at you or collisions with others (most of the time
Running or track is another great solo team sport - not so loud but gets the ya yas out. Cross country or around a track are both great.
For PTSD may I suggest EMDR - eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It is a newer therapy but has had great success with PTSD in particular.
Keep in mind that the ADHD brain develops differently in that the frontal cortex is slow to develop - where are the executive functions and emotional regulations live - so you child could be emotionally 3+ years behind his biological age but his knowledge and physical strengths and aptitudes can be 4+ years ahead of their age. That combo is what creates the illusion that "if they just tried harder..." If you can parent the emotions of a younger kid and keep the older kid physically engaged at a higher level.
I hope that helps, good luck.
BLC89
full disclosure I am an ADHD Parent Coach and have two grown kids with ADHD
BLC89, Thank you so much for the reply! He definitely enjoys riding his bike (especially not that he can ride without his training wheels) so I will look into some of the things you mentioned that we can do as a family and even competitively!
Thank you for your response. That's exactly how my husband and I were once we started diving more into ADHD in young children. It explains A LOT of our littles behaviors. Thankfully he is old enough now for the sports activities in our area so we can look into some of those high energy sports. He loves the water and being outside, climbing is his all time favorite. I completely understand what you mean about the energy, he will jump on the trampoline for HOURS and still be ready to run a marathon.
Congrats on getting an early start in understanding that you kid sees the world differently than most people.
As has been noted by many, exercise is a the best way to curb outward symptoms, second only to medication. If you can find something they like to do that gets them moving, and dare we hope for tired, then go for it. Keep experimenting until you find a good fit. Remember it may be a unique sport like cycling or swimming instead of soccer or lacrosse.
I highly recommend Dr. Hallowell and his books and lectures as a great place to start. He is the most upbeat professional I have found. He believes that ADHDers have a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes. You just need to strengthen your brakes but your brain is fantastic just as it is.
As far as medications go, some have been around for 100+ years and they have been studied and tracked and are found to be extremely safe and hugely effective. So when the time comes rest assured your child will be safe.
Even though he is such a little person don't underestimate his abilities to tell you how he feels. He may just need some pictures or colors or something else he can point to in order to let you know what's happening in that little head.
The prefrontal cortex develops more slowly than average and that is where the executive functions (organizing, time management, emotional regulation) all live and your child can be emotionally up to 3+ years behind their physical age. However they can be 4+ ahead of their age in intellect and physical ability. It creates a confusing situation when the 5 year old who was just talking, quite articulately, about airplanes and all the different types has a melt down when someone uses a crayon he wanted.
With my kids I turned anything and everything into a game - take out the recycle, great fun. bring the huge recycle can near the door and shoot baskets with all the pieces of recycle you have. They learn a lot about what flies through the air and what doesn't and if you miss you have to pick it up. Laundry diving - dump all the clean laundry on the floor and let them dive for their clothes and sox. Balled sox become something to shoot at the laundry basket of course. It kept them engaged and I got some house chores done at the same time.
Let them know they think differently. My daughter didn't like word searches, they were just a jumble of letters to her, but I loved them. She loved mazes, those were a puzzle that made sense to her. So she was Maze Brain and I was Word Search Brain and even as a little kid I would ask Maze Brain to help me solve a problem. "OK Maze Brain how would you do ____? My Word Search Brain can't figure it out." She almost always had a great solution, truly, and she understood that her brain was good at things, problem solving in particular, that mine wasn't. I inadvertently armed her for school because she knew she saw the world differently and if someone didn't get her - kid or teacher alike - then they clearly were not a Maze Brain like her and she wouldn't take things too personally.
I know this is a lot, I am super passionate about helping parents and kids with ADHD. Schools are designed for neurotypicals not different thinkers, you will need to advocate for them repeatedly if you end up in "regular" school.
Good luck with everything,
BLC89
full disclosure I am an ADHD Parent Coach and have two grown ADHD children
Oh my goodness, I can not thank you enough for all of that information. I have been looking to find a parenting coach for my husband and I so we can learn and adjust the way he needs us too, unfortunately we haven't had much success in our area finding one. I am going to look into your suggestions so we can start finding the things that will work best with our little guy. He is definitely a ball of energy, always on the move so turning things into a game sound like its right up his ally. We are already working with the school to figure out the best ways to approach his upcoming year of full-time schooling. Thankfully his preschool is inside the elementary school so they are able to make observations/test on him now rather than waiting until the fall. We also have him on a waiting list for a neuropsychological evaluation which I know will give us more answers once completed.
The school is extremely accommodating, they have worked well with his older brother (not enough for an ADHD diagnosis but he has tendencies ). Between the school and his therapy sessions he has made great strides in his academics and the school has been fantastic working with accomodations to help him feel confident in himself and his school work. I know they will do the same for his little brother, which is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. If you have any more recommendations do not hesitate to reach out. Any and all tips will be helpful as we start this new adventure.
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He definitely enjoys riding his bike (especially not that he can ride without his training wheels) so I will look into some of the things you mentioned that we can do as a family and even competitively! 
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