First year in college

[Daisymariejk]

Looking for suggestions on supporting college child during first year of college . Our child is having difficulty staying on track and doesn't seem to understand the consequences of too much social and the differences between them and other friends who don't have same challenges.

[Trying1978]

On the academic side, I'd say it's really important for him to take the time to talk to each of his professors individually about his disability accommodations. (I'm guessing he has a letter from disabilities). They can't ask about any of that stuff directly so what might be an AD(H) D issue might look like him just not doing work, etc from their side of the aisle.

I think a little context and connection goes a long way to ensuring support and success, academically. I just responded to a student the other day who wrote to say they were having trouble with an alternate plan to get the assignment done because they had taken the time to talk to me about everything at the end of class one day, so I knew there were a bigger context than just them trying to get out of doing something.

I'm too old to know about the social!

I've been a college professor for 20+ years, though, so I'm pretty clear on that side of things 😁 Hope that helps and hang in there!

[Daisymariejk in reply to Trying1978]

Thank you so much. That is very helpful. This semester he has spoken with all of his professors about his accommodations and we think it will make a difference. First semester he had a situation as you described and I think he is realizing that if he would have met with him earlier as suggested by us many times, it would have helped. The hardest part is the difficulties and setbacks they have along the way while they are learning how to be proactive. I have ADHD as well so it’s particularly difficult to watch, knowing what I learned sometimes the hard way. I hope he is starting to see that professors really do want to help him to succeed.

[Peerandparent]

I was diagnosed in my first year at university. My experience in things that helped:

A) Connect with people in each class who I could partner with for study and assignments. I'd often benefit most if they were having difficulty with some of the material, because helping them cemented the material for me.

B) Artificial deadlines. If I had a large project I needed to set myself short deadlines for components of the project. I'd either set one deadline for research, one for outline, one for draft, and one for the final product (with a buffer for having a friend review it), or I'd do the same, but modularize it (e.g. have the same steps for the introduction, each section of the body, and the conclusion). This was easier in computing, because I'd generally be writing modular code to begin with, so it's easy to break down into discrete parts.

C) Buffers. I take the time I estimate it will take me to complete a task, then I double it, and maybe even add a bit more for good measure. I know in myself that I'm terrible at time management, so I know I need to buffer to account for delays, distractions and the inevitable step that I failed to account for.

D) Set up accountability. This can be done by asking profs to give me incremental deadlines (which fall under reasonable accommodation) or by asking friends and/or family to hold you accountable.

E) Research accomodation. Research ADHD and post-secondary. Watch YouTube videos about ADHD and college. Find what resonates with you and keep going back to it. (Alas there was very little to find on these subjects when I went through, and it was pre-youtube

F) Regularly review and problem solve. Find someone supportive who you feel safe being brutally honest with. Trying to figure everything out on my own did not work, and the shame associated with feeling like I was letting myself and others down was no joke.

G) Be exceedingly mindful of who you spend time with. Are you following what feels good, or are you thinking about the type of person you need in your life. Make sure you are making choices and not sply following your impulses and rationalizing it afterward.

H) be strategic. You don't have the mental stamina of your peers, so focus your time and energy on the material that isn't sticking, not reading material simply because it was assigned. Find ways to work smarter, not harder. "Trying harder" has actually been demonstrated to reduce performance. So find ways to make your efforts more efficient rather than just trying to pour in more effort.

Hope these tips are helpful! Some are things I naturally figured out in school, some were lessons I learned later in life. Some are things I wish someone had suggested (or maybe they did and I simply was dismissive)

Also recognize that there will be mistakes made along the way. Very few are irredeemable, especially if you learn from them.

[Daisymariejk in reply to Peerandparent]

Thank you for this amazing overview. I think it would make really good sense to him and is written in a way that he would respond to. Artificial deadlines and asking teachers to break up assignments and adding deadlines is good. I forgot he had that accommodation in high school - as we didn’t follow thru with that one as much - but it’s good to know it can be requested. The social points are key - I was just thinking about how he might not always acknowledge to himself the differences, remember that he doesn’t have the mental stamina of his peers or that it’s much more difficult for him to say no to things that feel good and vert tough to catch up in between. Many thanks for this advice that I will use too as someone with ADHD. The last sentence helps read as well as a mom who is massively worried all of the time.

[BTV65]

My son failed at his first year in college, then dropped out shortly into the fall of his second year. He had a deadly combination of ADHD, and social anxiety about talking to people, so he couldn't self advocate and parents aren't given an avenue to help advocate for them. So no success stories here to help out. Sorry...

[Daisymariejk in reply to BTV65]

Thank you for sharing and I have heard many similar stories unfortunately. It is indeed hard to advocate for them since they are adults and very frustrating. I hope more understanding and programs develop.

[BTV65]

With all the other life transitions they have to deal with at 18, it just feels like a failure in the system that even with accommodations there is no way for us to help them past the initial speed bumps so that they can be a success. I understand why they want students to self advocate in general, but if that is one of their issues to start with it feels like they are practically guaranteeing they will not have a chance to succeed.

It's like they are holding a workshop to get over your fear of heights at the top of a tall tower. If you can just go up there, you can get the help you need...

[Daisymariejk in reply to BTV65]

Agree - more programs needed - advocacy groups

[Thosta]

khanacademy.org Has free help online and you can build a network of friends.

[Daisymariejk in reply to Thosta]

thank you!