Exploring ADHD diagnosis for teen

[queen_of_cups]

Hello. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at age 45. As I started to explore this and read about it for myself I keep thinking about how the traits I recognized in myself are also very apparent in my 13 year old son. He is an incredibly smart kid who has always amazed me with his ability, knowledge and maturity in certain subjects but who also displays intense hyper focus, inability to disengage from what he is focused on, forgetfulness, distraction, inability to remember instructions, hyperactivity, interrupting, disrupting when bored and waiting to the last minute for anything academic or otherwise. I hesitate to claim the gifted descriptor since i have never had him formally assessed for anything, but he could be. Now that I understand ADHD better and see how it has been an underlying part of my life forever, I am also very certain that my son has this. As I battle with the guilt of not having realized (or maybe not wanting to accept) this sooner I am also feeling incredibly stuck about how to approach this. He has just been through the gruelling process of applying to high schools in NYC which included a very tough test that he, at some point, hyperfocused on (the math part only) and made it his mission to get the highest score possible in order to get into the most challenging school in the city - we will find out next year if he made it. I was and probably still am afraid to suggest to him that there may be something up in this space and although i really want to help i feel paralysed about how to talk to him about it and to start to try to help him. I am still early in the process of learning how to help myself but i am terrified of approaching this wrong with him and messing it up. I had thought about reaching out to his school guidance counsellor for advice on how to approach him but as i started writing to her i realized i don't know if this is something she would or should be able to help with - I am not from the US and I'll admit to not fully understanding all of the roles in schools and i don't want to go and start a conversation wrong and mess it up. (Yes, i am an anxious mess which i realise is not helping me any either right now...) Any advice would be gratefully received

[WanderOnward]

Hi. When I was wondering about a diagnosis for my kids, I started with the pediatrician's office. He was able to guide me through the eval process and resources to help my child.

[queen_of_cups in reply to WanderOnward]

Thank you - that's a sensible starting place. I'll try there.

[MaudQ]

The recommendation to start with your pediatrician is spot on. They can start you on the path to getting a diagnosis.

I think you need to also take care of yourself. You have a new diagnosis to process, which is a lot. All of this will be easier if you can find a good therapist who has experience with women with ADHD and (if you choose) start some medication. Do you have anyone who can help you out at this time? A partner or friend who can take on some tasks or at least help you organize your thoughts? A support group could be good, too.

One last thought, my daughter is the same age as your son and we also live in a major city with a really complicated, stressful transition to high school. I got really overwhelmed this fall but eventually came through to understanding that where my kid goes to HS next year is less important than all of our health. Maybe you’re already there, but I just wanted to share my experience 😊

[queen_of_cups in reply to MaudQ]

Thank you for this very kind message. I am not doing a very good job of keeping things in perspective so this is definitely helpful. I have a therapist who has ADHD herself so understands the journey. Also have an understanding doctor and a psychiatrist. I'm struggling the most with just listening to what I'm being told and doing just that. Need to stop thinking I can just find a way out of this for us.