There are occasional times when I feel very alone and judged by people who do not experience this situation on a day to day basis.
This is such an unusual experience. Neurodiversity really is what will save our world but raising a neurodivergent child is #hellanoteasy !
You have found a wonderful, safe place where we are all on this journey together. We are parents, grandparents, guardians and even individuals with ADHD. We all have the same common goal of supporting each other on this journey.Many people have never had the challenges we face.
Please post any questions or concerns, it may also help to search old posts to find answers you are looking for.
There are many things I thought I would never face and we do now.
Big warm hugs!
i have lost so many friends because their kids no longer want to play with my adhd daughter. They treat her like they think they are better than her and i feel so much shame. She has pretty bad social skip. I’ve been a mess about it these past few years. Gotten into arguments. Not proud of myself but I’m so triggered by my 5th grader being rejected by her peers and those peers being my friends kids.
Save our world 😉I don’t know about that. But totally on it how tough it is.
My son has such poor social skills. Basically today we have teachers on industrial action in the UK and I have 2 of my boys at home and 2 friends. My ADHD son is only happy when others want to do what he wants to do- so he’s ask ‘What do you want to do?’ and all is well when they okayed football, then Nintendo, then a bit of dancing and music. Then friend said he wants to play Lego- my son got a strop, sulking and sitting there not joining in with the 3 of them. I feel like I want to shake him and tell him that no one will like him and he will always be bullied and have noone to stand up for him because he puts children off. It’s like a ‘high maintenance’ moody one who is selfish enough that all is good only when games or anything else is what he wanted. He doesn’t understand that it’s give and take in life.
I couldn't agree with you more. I just spent Thanksgiving with a group of people who have no idea and no interest in learning: my family of origin. To them, my child is rude and spoiled and I am a terrible parent because she interrupts conversation, cannot tolerate boredom or large groups of people. Granted, they aren't very kind people, but wow I can't believe the rejection. I guess this is how she feels often....
I'm so sorry that you feel that way but you are not alone! My son is now 13 and we've been dealing with this for 8 years or so. I've learned incredible patience and and experienced a lot of the shame and worry that you describe. He has always had trouble making and keeping friends and it has always made me sad. I will say that things have gotten better as he's gotten older. Hang in there and know that you will always be is biggest advocate. Do your research and don't expect any doctor or teacher to care as much as you will. Just remember that it is the long game. Our goal as parents is to prepare our kids to be independent adults. There will be tough times as our kids grow and mature. They just need to know that they have our love and support ALWAYS. Good luck to you!
I read a beautifully written article on demand avoidance in kids using a metaphor of raising cats versus dogs in a dog world. It focused on the profile of demand avoidant in neurodiverse children but it really helped me feel empowered knowing that all my family and friends who are “well meaning” really dont get it and they are the ones who should be listening to me! Here it is: additudemag.com/pathologica...
I have experienced some of the pain, shame, and judgment as you and others have mentioned. It is so hard raising a child that has social and behavioral differences.
First, when you are here, you are with your people. I find this board to be so helpful, kind, and supportive. It might be helpful to find a group in the real world that could be supportive to you. Close friends who are empathetic and can understand the struggle even if they don’t know first hand fo exist. I promise! Or you could find a more formal support group if that exists in your community. That will help you build support so you don’t feel alone.
Also, I can offer a little bit of hope. My son is 16 now and is much better at making and keeping friends. He has really developed some hobbies and things that make him happy and they have helped him to develop friendships. When he was younger and I felt as you do, I know that I needed to know that was even possible. I couldn’t see into the future that far because I was so overcome with the shame and the overwhelm of day to day.
Hoping you continue to look here for support. We really do understand and are here for you.
I recommend a hopeful and informative podcast, Beautifully Complex: Navigating Neurodiverse Parenting
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