My daughter

[Nicola04]

Hi everyone I'm nicola and my daughter has adhd and I don't know how to cope with her now she is becoming a teenager the moods, anger, temper tantrums, I feel as though I'm constantly arguing with her

[Bipasa]

I have 2 daughters. 17yr old with ADHD and 14yr old with no ADHD.

14 yr old still argues a lot. It’s part of growing.

17 yr old has changed since last yr. Last she git diagnosed with ADHD when she was 15. She went through a lot, during pandemic and remote learning. We tried medications. Made her condition more worst. We stopped her medication, schoole opened. She is doing much better.

She does regular counseling with therapist. CBT.

I have learnt in hard way to change myself. Understand her more and support her. Slowly they will adamant abd adjust on what’s working better for them.

She still has certain days, where completely she says brain shutdown. No more work. Being Sr very busy. She takes off from school.

Just be patient, understand her. Hug her more. Talk to her more about school etc. Just support her !! Things will change. Do things with her or call her friends over.

My daughters like it, when I get involved abd talk to their friends etc. they share more!

Hope this helps!!

I know it’s very hard!!

[SanityCoaching]

Nicola -

Do you want help for her? Help for your own piece of mind? or Both?

For her - I would recommend talking to her therapist and Psychiatrist about tool she could use for her anger and possibly meds.

For self care and finding your own balance in the midst of her chaos - I would recommend Parent Coaching (of which I do and can tell you more through DM - if you are interested ) or personal therapy - if you fnd that her outbursts are trigger deeper issues for you personally.

For a program that could help you both - I would recommend looking in to DBT therapy. They have a rigid program where the teen needs to do one-on-one therapy and the family has to do a weekly workshop that teaches new ways to communicate and work with each other.

Hope this helps.

[Hidden]

How old is she? These days girls mature earlier, get hormones… Could she have PMS? PMS is so overlooked. Then if you agree with such course of action she could get a pill (as a medicine to manage PMS- not for anything else). Have you been coping all right with her ADHD before or has it always been so tough? Those thoughts I have because I used to be a girl… so I remember all this. Back then 25 years ago no medication to help me…

I have 2 boys so I am sure the challenges are totally different but my ADHD son definitely reacts badly to me- we just have a broken relationship. I try to get as much as possible done via ‘tutors’ etc as with me he will always shout and argue.

[CelloCat24]

While some teens (ADHD or not) are just like that, I recommend talking to your doctor &/or specialist. There are all sorts of possible underlying reasons for this, not just ADHD / teenager.

For example, my daughter (16) has had really painful periods, and was put on hormonal birth control at 14. This made her moodiness *much* worse. We tried a few different products/hormones, but nothing treated the painful periods without making her behaviour worse.

My daughter has ADHD & anxiety, and the ADHD medications that she's tried so far make her anxiety worse. We've got a new medication & will start next Tuesday.

If your daughter isn't already on medication, or if it's possible the medication is contributing to her behaviour, there are lots of alternatives to try. Many people with ADHD find medication helpful.

As other have said therapy may help.

My daughter has been in therapy for a few years, and even though we only recently got the formal diagnosis, I think that therapy has helped a lot. She is happier, and our relationship is better.

Good luck & don't forget to look after yourself, as well.

[Southpaw]

During a calm moment, you might try approaching her to say that you love her very much and it is hard for you to see her struggle, then ask if she could help you make a plan to respond when she is feeling distress, etc. The key to this is making sure that you give her most of what she is asking as long as it her safety, health, or ability to go to school are not impeded. If she suggests something you are uncomfortable with, you can say, "I'm willing to work with you on this. I'm concerned about how effective this option will be. Can we try an alternative option as well?" The most important thing is to not start a fight over the problem-solving time.

Write this down together and make a couple of copies. Then when you are in the midst of a challenging moment, you can both refer back to what you planned.

This may not work for everyone, but I used this with high school students I taught who had a lot of challenging behaviors but didn't have strong adult support at home. They wanted to be seen as adults, so I tried this technique that let them come to the table with me as equal partners in the solution.