Morning Routine

[K8eadhdparent]

Please help! Getting my ADHD 8yr old son out of the door to catch the bus is a nightmare. I have a visual schedule, give him his meds first thing when he is still in bed, turn the light on and play music, have his clothes picked out and still every morning it’s a fight. When he finally gets out of bed, he just starts messing around with anything and everything he can find instead of getting dressed and brushing his teeth. He ignores prompts, speaks disrespectfully, or does whatever he can to distract and fight with his siblings. I am so stressed out about it.

He is on Adderall and intuniv.

[BVBV]

Does he still eat breakfast after taking his meds? My son used to have some issues in the morning and we tried to have everything “ready to go”. It sounds like you already have his clothes laid out and ready, you could also try laying his toothbrush out with toothpaste on and ready to go as well. One thing that used to help is that I would tell him that we were going to play a game and I would time him to see just how quick he could get ready. The key is to use a super upbeat, peppy voice and that often helped my son get someone excited about getting ready. Also, maybe having a reward, like TV time or time outside in the morning, as an incentive could help. It’s so hard but positive reinforcement is really the only thing that helps my son.

[Imakecutebabies]

Honestly, my son gets out the door most easily if he sleeps in his school clothes. Shower at night, put on clean clothes, go to sleep. No pajamas. No fights over getting changed in the morning. Send him straight to breakfast. Toothbrush in the kitchen.

[Momtrying in reply to Imakecutebabies]

that’s pretty smart! Love it

[LlamaMomma]

Mine will get distracted. What’s worked for us is to have alarms on his watch. Each time it goes off, he remembers he has a schedule to stick to.

[momwifedaughtersis]

it’s so hard! My boys drive me crazy fighting with one another in the morning. It’s like they plan it out and trade off being the instigator. Some great ideas here. I find one thing that helps with my son is if I simply state the time - he knows what time we need to leave, and the time check seems to encourage him to move along, vs “hurry up” etc. which agitates him further and results in paralysis.

It’s hard also bc the natural consequence of not following the schedule (missing the bus, being late for school) is favorable for my kids! They have no problem with it so I feel I don’t have much leverage. I try to stay calm but they get the best of me too often

[PonderingPapa]

We use a token system and he gets tokens for getting dressed and being in the kitchen at a specific time. If he is a little late, not token. If he is more than 5 minutes late, he loses a token a minute. He also gets a token for making his breakfast. There is also a specific time he needs to be ready to go out the door which earns a token or loses a token a minute if he is too late. This has worked great for us. There are still occasional rough mornings but not many. On the really bad mornings, I have to stand over him and give a verbal countdown for putting on each article of clothing. I don't feel great about those days and mentioned it to his psychiatrist. The psychiatrist understood and agreed that sometimes we all need someone standing over our shoulder pushing us forward.

[hudzyb]

my 8yo is similar. I have learned not to give any commands before his meds kick in, 25mins. Then I only ask what is left on his routine check list. BUT, defiance is not what adhd is. If he’s still defying you while medicated then you likely are dealing with an overlapping co-condition. Mine is ODD in addition to adhd, and the treatment is different. Good luck! I know how hard it is.

[BTV65]

Just saying... Non-adhd kids can also be challenging to get out the door. My son (adhd) was actually pretty good *if* he took his meds in the morning. Otherwise a 20min shower became a 45 min shower, and he sometimes didn't actually wash himself in the process "I got distracted". A countdown/reminder is useful. I agree that "hurry up" wasn't very effective.

30 min until bus

15 min

10

5

Bus time in 1 min!!!

I agree that lists are great and prepping in advance could be a lifesaver as well. Rewards didn't work for my son as much as consequences did. The threat of losing a privilege in the evening was more motivating than a reward. Follow through was critical.

[BTV65 in reply to BTV65]

I mention non-adhd kids, because my daughter was harder to get out the door and she didn't have that. She tended to scream back at me "I KNOW!!!!" when I tried to remind her of the time. Basically, I wasn't allowed to talk to her in the morning and she missed the bus way more often than my son did.