17 year old struggling with friendships

[momto3monkies]

We have a 17 yr old with ADHD. Lately he's been having difficulty finding friends to hang out with. He had lots of friends in elementary school and found a good group of friends in middle school, but after lockdown, he's struggling with friendships. Other kids don't respond to his texts and it's really getting him down. Today was the first time he skipped school because of it. We're trying to connect with the school counselor, and we've made an appointment with a therapist (on Monday). We're trying to throw out ideas of things he could do like joining a theater group, but so far he's not interested. Any ideas?

[IheartDisney]

Does he play video games at all? My son is only 10 but he never has any kids come over to our house to play. There are some games that he found aome of the kids play at school and we got him a mic and game passes so he can talk to his friends online. This is really helping him build relationships and be part of the group. Just an idea.

[Lingerly]

My son experienced this as he entered high school, very similar scenario. The nature of friendships in high school combined with the pandemic worsen the situation. My son did find social time with Young Life (even though he himself is not religious). The organization had college aged mentors that looked out for the kids, the activities were zany and wholesome, and the environment inclusive. He also played soccer, so he had social contacts there. He didn't receive his ADD / OCD / social and generalized anxiety diagnosis until his first semester of college. In retrospect, I believe that it wasn't so much that other kids withdrew from my son--but that my son became more withdrawn and unsure of reaching out because of his overall lack of confidence in school. Either way, it's hard and sad, especially when you see how awesome your kid really is! Recommendations? Identify if there a co-morbid conditions like anxiety or depression that make socializing more difficult. There are separate treatments for this. Also, if there is a group like Young Life that has young adult leaders that engage all kids--that might be worth looking into. One other thing to consider--the nonreturned texts may have nothing to do with whether or not kids want to hang out with your sons. Research is showing a sharp increase in mental health struggles for ALL teens and young adults at this time.