Hi I'm new here. How can I help my son?

[kaoskrsp]

Hi I'm a single parent of a 15 year old son with ADHD combined type. He is on meds Focalin xr. Some of his behaviors I cannot comprehend or understand his motives or what he gets out of it. We live with my parents who have their own beliefs about how i should discipline my son. At home he spills things and won't pick it up unless told, he has only 1 chore to put away dishes and he needs to be reminded daily, and now he is doing distance learning he's lying to me about doing his work. Sad part is I work with these types of students and can't even help my own son.

[Nightengale82]

Hi I’m new here, I want to wish you lots of love, patience and support! I don’t have much to offer by way of advice but I did want to encourage you to keep on fighting the good fight! ❤️🙏🏻

[Redpanda5]

Hi! You’re in good company on this board!

It must be frustrating living in a house where there are varying expectations for your son.

I guess I would start with the non-negotiables. What is the thing that your parents find most intolerable about your son’s behavior? Mess? Chores? It is easiest to focus on one behavior at a time.

Once you have defined the behavior you need to tackle, identify consequences and rewards around it. For example, if he forgets to unload the dishwasher then he has to take over one of your parents chores - a chore trade if you will. Since a grandparent had to do his chore, then he needs to do one of their chores (the grandparent’s choice) and he loses his phone until it’s done. This should lead to more peace in getting things done and give them some control over the operations of their own household. If the problem is mess, then have a specific pre-determined clean-up day/time. Routine is key.

As far as homework, I have found that during distance learning I have had to sit down with my 16yo daughter at a predetermined time so she will work. I also created a shared Google doc spreadsheet that has the links to all her homework by class and due date to make them easy to get to and easy to see what needs to be done. When she finishes an assignment, she grays out the box in the grid. It’s very visual and makes it easy for me to check progress. I also have her regularly meet with a tutor for more difficult subjects.

It is interesting that you work with these types of students. I would love to know strategies you have if you feel like sharing. I am always looking for better ways to do things. Hands down it would be easier for me to help someone else’s child. I completely get that.

[kaoskrsp in reply to Redpanda5]

Thanks for the advice I will definitely try them. At work, I usually work with the younger kiddos. I have parents try checklists, rewards, posting rules (in short sentences and listed in positive terms such as use indoor voices in the house instead of no yelling in the house) and having consequences for not following rules. Also use some self-calming strategies when needed like counting to 10, deep breathing, etc. I did like social stories I got from this website that I could personalize and print out.