Support from parents of girls with AS... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Support from parents of girls with ASD / ADHD

Cleeve1 profile image

My daughter has always been hyperactive & impulsive. She is bright and has always achieved well at school but now in juniors, she's is expected to sit and focus for extended periods. She is now regularly reprimanded i.e. rocking on her chair, tapping her pencil or interrupting. She deals with these things at the time but comes home very emotional & exhausted. There are many more aspect to her behavior are becoming more pronounced & her anxiety and emotional outburst are increasing as a result. We are watching her confidence and self image decline and slowly her academic success too. Has anyone experienced similar with their daughter? Any advice would be appreciated. Especially from mother's/fathers with girls.

10 Replies

Hi-Our daughter soon to be 12 is experiencing same issues. She is doing her best in middle school but regularly gets in trouble or brings negative attention to herself for things she can’t control. She’s in a new school this year following remote cause of the pandemic. She was happier with remote as she could stand , figit and get fellow classmates attention via screen. Now she has to do her best to be “socially appropriate “ and she is falling short most of the time. She is frustrated and I wish we could do more to help. Daily I see her mood change and I feel like it will be very difficult to continue like this. She has accommodations and supports but stil adhd is very misunderstood and I find myself constantly needing to remind teachers that she is doing her best and isn’t behaving badly but actually exhibiting her symptoms of adhd!!! It’s really something how our children are asked to not do things that are related to their disability. I don’t see other disabilities treated like this and it angers me. I feel your frustration as I feel similarly. It extremely hard for girls with adhd especially during teen years.

Our daughter doesn’t have a great recess. It’s a very uncomfortable time for her and it is definitely affecting her mood in academics classes. We have her ina lunch bunch for Mondays and are working on more supports for rest of the week particularly during recess. I have asked her school what they are doing with the students that are lonely or alone during recess and they said they working on it. I know my daughter needs an activity to bond as she has some social anxiety and it a way to release extra energy and focus on the conversation. Have you spoken to your daughter about specifics that happened during lunch / recess? Who she sits with ? Does she sit with friends? What does she do during recess? It is a very big deal and can make or break a mood very quickly.

It’s not easy-

Harry73 profile image
Harry73 in reply to MeadowLane5

I have my 18 year old daughter with the same issues and outbursts to the extreme both violent and aggressive. As she get closer to her periods I feel the mood changes.

She is very particular with her scores and follow up why sometimes it gone low .

Sibling rivalry is also another issue I am facing

MeadowLane5 profile image
MeadowLane5 in reply to Harry73


MeadowLane5 profile image
MeadowLane5 in reply to Harry73

It’s extremely exhausting and stressful

My kid is not understanding middle school social interactions at all, especially with masks on, and it’s causing all kinds of problems.

We have a son with ASD/ADD. We have heard that girls with ASD can present differently. There are a couple of Facebook groups you might check out. One is called Women with Autism and the other is Ask Autistic Adults. Both provide helpful insights. I am sorry that your child’s school does not sound very supportive. I see that you are not in the US. What supports and accommodations are schools where you reside required to offer children with unique needs? Are there any autism groups in the area that could offer social skills/support groups? There are more virtual groups now too, which is great. You might wish to look at the Smiling Mind app from Australia. It offers high quality, free, mindfulness meditation practice for children. There are some studies that suggest that the practice can be beneficial for anxiety, attention, and emotional regulation development.

Same here, hormones hit, school got harder (7th grade), school seems to think she can just learn to focus and control her behavior, but is not willing to provide accommodations such as breaks etc.

Thank you all for your replies. Socially and during play time she is okay and she has two very close friends. She is intense, almost obsessive when it comes to friendships and finds the nuances of friendship hard to read as she gets older so again, small incident can make her feel very upset but when she gets home rather than in the moment. I think I'll try and get more support at school as you suggested. This has been difficult but now she is exhibiting some of these behaviors in the classroom and her grades are sliding she seems to be gaining a bit more attention. It's just such a shame it has to get to that before support is offered.

Thanks for those groups. That's really helpful. I'll check those out! It's hard isn't it! I have one daughter who just seems to stroll through life and it's so difficult to watch the everyday (sometimes hour by hour!)struggles our eldest goes through. As a parent, some days feel like a rollercoaster!

We have a 12yr. old girl who went from being an honor roll "A" student to a "C" student almost overnight. We had her recently psych-eval'ed again (her 1st assessment was almost 2 yrs back) and her psych+peds docs said she's fighting a bout of depression + anxiety. We've agreed and put her on a low-dosage anti-depressant to help level up her mood swings.

For the academic stuff, my wife and I are tag-teaming nightly, with me creating/updating/managing her daily school tracker and the missis helping out with long homework. We've also adjusted her study time (for quizzes/tests) by shortening nightly coursework touch-time using a 20/10 sprint approach (20min study + 10min break, repeat/cycle for x-class). We're also now regularly touching base with her teachers to ensure that we know what she is (and will be) in front of on a weekly basis. So far, with the help of her teachers and psych/peds doc, we've been able to help pull her grades back up *crossing fingers* She seems less stressed out with anticipating how she'll do "tomorrow."

We don't intend to hold her hands indefinitely. Rather, our goal today is to help her get caught up, allow her to develop smart study habits, and bring the smiles back on her face. In time (and with continued behavioral + Rx follow-ups), we intend to let her gradually manage her time (with occasional supervision, as needed).

Lastly... There will be days that will test your patience... When we get those days... we look back to when our daughter was her happy/smart/kind/loving/adorable old self. We use those blessed memories as a potent tool and shield against our own feeling of helplessness.

I hope our experiences above help you and your daughter. Best of luck to you both and do post back for any other questions. :)

Score card

Understand the situation is tough and you want to help your daughter! Some thoughts:- Evaluation by professional to understand what areas she is struggling with/need support with, if not already done.

- Can you do someting to get support from school? School to adapt and meet up her needs? Don’t know how systems works in UK.

- Is she in need of meds or if you first want to try supplements? Google Amen clinic ADD types to get some tips. We tried high dose omega 3, d-vitamin and vitamineral and saw improvents.

- How is her spare time and weekends? Does she like animals? Spend some more time with parents with things she likes to do?

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