Does anyone else's ADHD kid refuse to do any non-screen activities? How to break the cycle of addiction?

[MoonMama71]

Despite all the support we keep trying to give my 10 year old son with ADHD and sensory process disorder, and 2e (CBT, meds, hugs, schedules, zones of regulation check-ins etc) I have been struggling for a long time to find non-screen home activities that would sustain his attention for more than 15 minutes without fizzling out, and doesn't require other kids in person or me managing every hour of his day. We are not doing playdates because of COVID, plus he has very little friend options, and even when he has summer camp during the day, he comes home running to his screens as if his life depended on it. He's very rigid and a constant debater and I am heading toward weeks of no camp in August and trying to find anything to break this cycle of addition. He seems to only be able to hyper focus on video games. After he refuses my suggestions of all activities, he then proceeds to whine and moan and cry that he doesn't know what to do with himself. He tantrums or lays on the ground complaining or crying. Of course he just wants his screen time but if I just leave him crying to try to figure out other activities he then just cycles back to me whining and asking me what he should do. Then it starts all over again refusing everything I suggest. So I can't win. Does anyone experience this?

[Onthemove1971]

Kids don't understand the need for other things in their life besides screen time. I would start the day with activities that do not include screen time and lock them up or the remotes up. Then say if you x, y, and z, then at 12:00 or whatever time you will give him the screen.

Here is the list of activities: I always stay with chores as soon as his medication has started to work and after breakfast. Then there are many options: go for a walk, ride a bike/scooter, do legos/puzzle, Rubic cubes, cook something simple or if he likes to learn something ( read-audiobook). Does he have a Hobby that he loves ( other than screen time)?

Only reward if he has acceptable behavior (within reason).

Just curious is he taking a single dose medication? Or can you fill us in on this?

Is this something that is discussed in thearpy?

This has gotten better with age for us. I also ignore the whining and do my work around the house. I also say " I can always find work for you around the house".

[MoonMama71 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thanks, we've definitely have tried schedules and chore requirements but my son literally can only focus on an activity for maybe 20 minutes on his own so after a few I set up for him he falls apart unless I guide him through it which is hours of time I don't have. I realize after posting this that it's really not so much about finding activities he likes because we have so many we offer him, and he just refuses when he is stuck in this mode of screen craving. He is taking a single morning dose of Guanfacine and vyvanse. His CBT did some parent training which helped for a while but it didn't help expand his interests or give much help with self regulation for him. I am glad to hear that with age it has gotten better.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to MoonMama71]

This sounds like his behavior is impacting the activity so no matter what you give him to do he will not be successful at it. Good luck.

[NewbieParent]

This is so tough! One thing you might consider trying is to use a token system. For our son we use it semi-successfully. We got all the poker chips as currency. For all things we want him to do, he gets paid in coins. He can pay for video with these coins. Ofcourse to start this you need to look for a good day to set up some ground rules. So he gets X number of coins per page of reading or doing some chores or behaving well in restaurant etc and then he can use these coins to watch the screen for X mins. Initially we had to be super generous so he can watch more video than he normally would. Then we also added an option to double all saved coins on the following day. One the token system worked we slowly reduces the reward amount which helped reduce some video. One important thing to remember is that consistency is very critical. For example if you want to give free screen time when outside of home then make it an explicit rule so it is not viewed as loose rule. I hope this helps. It is tough but always keep trying. Wish you all the best.

[MoonMama71 in reply to NewbieParent]

Thanks so much! We've done poker chip rewards before but we ended up creating too complicated of a system which was our downfall. So this sounds much better to tie the coins to one behavior and have it be coins for some extra screen time.

[momwifedaughtersis]

Wow, this sounds exactly like my son (9yo)!! Rigidity, constant debating, whining, moaning, crying, rolling on the ground… the minute the screen turns off he is totally distraught and miserable bc there’s NOTHING to do!!! I try so hard to remember that he’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time … it’s exhausting. For us the worst is the first 20-30 min or so, then after a while he can often find something else that he enjoys (favorite is probably “wrestling” with younger brother…)

One thing we tried with some success is agreeing on screen and screen-free times. For us it was 7.30-10.30am screens, 10.30-4 chores and playtime, the screens again 4-6.30. It’s obv way more than recommended, but my therapist said constant arguing is worse for a kid than screens. We are not following it religiously, as I know we should… in the summer the kids are tending to sleep later, there are so many excuses!

I don’t think this is answering your question at all … but in any case you are not alone!

[MoonMama71 in reply to momwifedaughtersis]

Thank you! It really helps to hear you are experiencing similar behavior because I often feel like it's just me! I get so upset when my son exhibits the same behavior as when he was 2 years old so I get very impatient. It feels like nothing we've done has made a difference, though I know it has it just takes longer. I love to hear other people's screen time strategies so thanks again!

[MomofOne13]

My 10 year old is very similar. The house is full of things to do, but he's "bored!!!". I recently got some traction on mario legos, but only after I threatened to pack it all away (it's been on the kitchen table for months) and I have to do it with him, he won't on his own. We also just put up a basketball goal, so I'm hopeful that we'll get him moving a bit. But most of his time is video games, you tube, etc and most of his play dates are on video chat while playing video games...

[MoonMama71 in reply to MomofOne13]

Thanks for sharing you experience! My son can cry like he's bleeding when he feels "bored!" and I often fall for it and let it get to me. So I am trying hard to ignore and let him figure out his own non-screen activities! I just wrote list of things he can do when he is bored and will just keep saying "refer to the list!" LOL

[anirush]

My grandsons, in their teens, are both addicted to their screens although one watches YouTube constantly. But as long as homework gets done, room gets picked up and they are passing, we do not limit time. Our psychiatrist says there is actually some benefit with visual- spatial skills . And frankly it is less exhausting than fighting especially in the summer when there is no school. They have to do something like skateboard or bike ride for a period morning or evening when it is cooler.

[MoonMama71]

Thanks! I am working on getting my list of chores and requirements for him to build into earning the screen sessions, like you said, it will be better than trying to fight and expect him to not crave screens.

[myspecialkid]

My 10 year old used to be like that. I had to make several changes, but the key is consistency. For one i made sure i wasn't on my phone either (which was hard because i do a lot of work on my phone - basically switched work stuff to my laptop so she knows laptop = work). Kids don't care whether you're replying emails to school, or organizing a community activity or chatting with a friend, all they see is 'mom is always busy on the phone'. Then i implemented a "no screens during the week" rule for school year. School breaks = 1-2 hr of screen in the evening (none during the typical school hours). Weekend = ~4hrs. Like you, i had a long list of activities (divided up into which ones can be done alone, which ones can be started without an adult, and which ones may need another person). I got her a vivofit to track steps and used 10,000 steps as our token for the 1-hr screen time. I also got a wifi router that allows me to pause the internet during the no-screen hours. I must say it wasn't easy the first couple weeks... you have to be able to tune out the whining and crying and hold onto a poker face. Everytime she said she was bored, i smiled and reminded her of the list and asked which activities have been checked off. i thought it would take months to get used to no-screens but after only 12 days the incessant crying slowly became sulky mood then a few more days later she woke up and said she knew which activity on the list she would start with (i was pleasantly surprised to hear it but had to put on the poker face). Several times i wanted to cave in during those 12 days but thank goodness i didn't! She still sometimes tests the waters by asking if she can watch tv but i casually ask if it's a week night and remind her of the rule.

Goodluck!