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Are there schools that understand how to teach kids with ADHD?

Sqrwheel profile image
7 Replies

Hi - My wife and I and our public school have failed my soon to be 14 year old son who has ADHD. I am so upset. He has a 504 and because the school does not have "general ed" he has been in a class for the past two years with kids that have all types of Learning Disabilities lumped together. He is supposed to go to the HS next year and he is in no way prepared for that. I need help. I found the FORMAN school in Ct, but living on the East End of Long Island that would mean he would have to board at the school. None of us are ready for that. Does anyone have an idea for me? Are there better resources for my son on Long Island? Can I find a school where he can go and they know how to teach kids with ADHD? That is what I want for him. Is there a school that knows how to teach him? He is a good athlete and I don't want to take that away from him. He needs a learning atmosphere that understands how to teach him. I know I cant be the only person going through this, so many kids have ADHD, aren't there good schools for them? I don't want to rant because I know nobody will read it all, I'm just very frustrated I just need help with this. I need to help my son, so far I am failing him big time. -- Jim Kiernan, Hampton Bays, NY.

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Sqrwheel profile image
Sqrwheel
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7 Replies
Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971

Welcome to the group. We are here to support and help you through this journey. It sounds like you were trying to do what you can try not to be hard on yourself.

First it's important to support your son with 3 tools that can help him become successful and I am not sure what supports you are providing him.

The 3 tools are: thearpy, medication and an educational plan( 504 plan or IEP). Each of these are very important and need to be provided asap. Or if you have them they are not supporting him if he is not doing well.

As far as school is concerned, have you had him tested for additional learning issues. Many children with ADHD attend regular general education classes. There are a variety of supports that can be provided to support a child in that setting with his peers. If there are areas he is weaking in support can be provided. If there are areas he is stronger in there are classes for that also.

Since he is being sent to the High School, it would be great if you approach the principal there and discuss all of your concerns. If he has not been assessed for learning issues, write a letter describing the issues he is having and needs he has. Let's hope the high school can help him.

One more piece of advice, if things are not going well, do not wait, call a meeting and ask for more help.

Hope this helps..

Sorry you are in this situation.

sceller profile image
sceller

I agree with OntheMove - make sure your son is on ADHD meds that work for him, have an IEP and not a 504 - I think schools are more likely to follow these- and meet with the principal AND his guidance counselor soon. The admin people are usually in the school for at least a few more weeks. Send an email or call them ASAP. I'm not sure if you want to consider holding your son back for another year? ADHD kids (and boys for sure) are functioning about 2-3 years behind their non-ADHD peers, so that might work for all of you. Otherwise, I would be prepared to become a lot more involved with his school than you ever thought you would! My son was never in special ed - he had no learning disabilities other than ADHD, but still, high school was hard for all of us. Most schools are not well-versed in ADHD and I found that although some teachers were great, many were not. I would also recommend learning as much about ADHD as you can this summer. We did try a private school for middle school, but it was not any better as far as helping ADHD kids learn. Good luck and stay in touch. This is a wonderful place to "chat" with other parents whose kids have ADHD!

BTV65 profile image
BTV65

I taught 8th grade science in MA for a couple years. Going for my masters in teaching, they made it very clear to us. 504 or IEP, it doesn't matter to us. We are required by law to provide the services to the best of our ability. Some teachers don't. I'm not sure why. I hate to think malice, so I'll go with ignorance. Teachers are required to read the service plan and follow it. IEP generally means there is direct intervention from special education teachers. 504 can usually be followed by regular teachers.

In my experience it seems rare that ADHD that is being treated (usually meds) would require an IEP. Although it is possible if the student fell so far behind they might need one while they worked to catch up with their peers.

When my son was in 2nd grade he was struggling horribly. The school put him through extensive testing, then said since he was performing at grade level, he did not qualify for an IEP, however we should see about taking steps at home. I kept asking what they meant, and the review board kept beating around the bush, implying there were things I could do that would help my son. Finally they could see my growing frustration and one member just cut to the chase "You need to medicate him". You see, educators are not qualified to make a diagnosis. They can't even suggest one. They can get in trouble for that. However, my wife and I were grateful, because it put us on the path to get a professional diagnosis for him. Once he was properly medicated, life got much better for all of us, and he was able to reach his potential in school. I felt sorry for the teachers who had to deal with him prior to that.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

Hello. While I believe that the public school has failed your son (as it did mine) I do NOT believe that your wife and you have failed your son. In fact, it sounds like your son has 2 caring and involved parents with the humility to seek help to improve his situation. That is not failure. Let me start closer to the end of our journey. We switched my son from the public school to a small private school for 9th grade and it was amazing. He has been summa cum laude there from the beginning, has gained self esteem and , importantly, has learned to advocate for himself which gives us confidence that he will succeed at college since he has learned how to secure the support he needs. If that is an option for you, I would highly recommend it. An independent school, not a religion school or military school or anything which values conformity for conformity's sake. If you need to stay with the public school, what I learned early in the journey from a friend on the board of regents (as a NY resident, you know what that is) that I needed to be more cynical. I learned that it is not that the teachers do not know what the child needs but that it is about resource allocation. Too few resources being sought by too many from students with special needs to a particularly powerful teachers union (in NY) which pushes back against anything perceived as creating more work for the teachers, to the individuals tasked with enforcing the 504 or IEP within the school (often the school counselor) being members of the same union as the individuals they are tasked to police who are pressured to be a team player rather than advocate for your child. This results in a system where the default is to deny services to which your child is entitled by law unless forced to comply. What I learned (and how we functioned through middle school) was to make it more difficult and expensive for the school to do the wrong thing than to provide the services my son requires. We always got what we needed, but it was exhausting and expensive. My wife became exhausted and frustrated and my son was made to feel like a burden and received such poor feedback when requesting needed assistance that he became very hesitant to ask or to advocate for himself. However, he was an excellent student. This is what it took to get what he needed from the public school so that he could enjoy the same success from his hard work as a child withouthis disability.

Everything is different now. All we changed was the school. We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it seems to good to be true, but it never has. So, these are the facts as I see them. It may be worth trying a small private school. Perhaps if sports are important he can be a member of a regional club or team. In my city, all of the "scholarship " seeking athletes play for regional teams rather than their high school teams anyway.

Hang in there. Our kids need heros and advocates like your wife and you. You will find your path like we did.

Sqrwheel profile image
Sqrwheel in reply to ADHD_DAD

Thank you for your very informative and thoughtful reply. We actually had an interview at one private school today and will be scheduling two others.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD in reply to Sqrwheel

Good luck to you. It makes me sad that many parents are unable to pursue this option, but I am grateful that we were able to make this change which so significantly improved his school experience and life. They just teach him. No emails from school, no calls from teachers, no suggestions that "he just doesn't grasp the concepts," which was code at the public school for "we intend to do nothing for him." Same kid who didn't "grasp the concepts " is at the top of his class now. I feel guilty at times for abandoning the fight with the public school but I was likely delusional to believe my efforts helped any child other than my own. I stand ready to share my experiences and help anyone in this group who needs to continue the challenging task of securing needed accommodations from tbe public school. Be well. Best of luck to your son.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

Also, forgive my ignorance of LI geography, but maybe this.link will help? nymetroparents.com/article/...

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