My son is about to graduate and is going into school for a rehearsal today after not seeing or speaking to anyone for a year

[sauceboss]

His anxiety level is so high, thinking about the things that will go wrong. I.E. people won’t talk to him (he doesn’t really have close friends), his impulsivity will make him say something stupid, or he will trip. I’m trying to ease some of his fears. Wondering if anyone has other suggestions. It’s a big week of fear filled anxiety as he hasn’t really seen people at school in over a year. He graduates this week at a very large venue where he will need to walk across the stage. Thank you for any thoughts you may have to help ease his fears.

[MeadowLane5]

Congratulations to you and your son!We had 2 graduations this week with similar scenarios of being remote since last year March.

I will say, to try and focus on what he has accomplished .. remind him how proud everyone is of him and get a lot of positive dialogue in before ceremony. Both of our graduations were over before we knew it!! It goes by so quickly and so many have similar feelings of anxiety.

He’s got this!!

[Onthemove1971]

I agree with the other comment. If you son has a 504 plan you could ask to walk the stage before the ceremony.. this helps a lot.

Good luck, congrats.

Many kids are feeling the same he is not alone.

[Redpanda5]

Aw this is hard! I applaud your sensitivity to his fears. That alone is huge. My daughter has severe social anxiety disorder and her psychologist gave us some strategies to deal with crippling anxiety that I will share with you:

You said:

1. thinking about the things that will go wrong.

First, empathize with his fears. Acknowledge that his fears exist. Don’t discount his fears. Don’t ever say “it’s not that bad,” or “everyone feels this way.” That makes someone with true anxiety feel even worse. This was a huge thing I learned I had been doing wrong! Instead say, “Yes, I see how it could be uncomfortable speaking with someone you haven’t seen in over a year,” and “tripping would stink” Don’t ever brush away or discount what he is feeling. Just let him share.

2. I.E. people won’t talk to him (he doesn’t really have close friends), his impulsivity will make him say something stupid,

Talk about what could go wrong and role play some “what if” scenarios.

Have a plan of what he can say to acquaintances when he runs into them. Come up with a list of canned statements that he could say - let him decide what they are - parents tend to give bad advice on canned statements. Have him role play these statements with you. Tell him not to force himself into conversations with others. If he wasn’t talking with these kids before covid it would likely be strange for him to shove himself into a conversation with them now. He should stick with short kid appropriate greetings with acquaintances. If he sees someone he has had conversations with before, come up with canned statements that are appropriate (what kinds of things did they talk about a year ago)? Greet and then if the conversation continues have canned add in statements that tack on to what the other kids may say. Them: “I can’t believe they’re making us rehearse today.” Your son: “I know, right?”

If he doesn’t want to speak with anyone he could go to the staff and ask if there is anything he could do to help with the rehearsal. A task could help ease anxiety too. If he sees a staff member struggling with something or another student struggling with setup or something he could step in while saying “Let me help you with that.” Helping others also reduces anxiety.

2. Have him take his medication well ahead of time so it’s already working before he arrives to rehearsal.

3. or he will trip. I’m trying to ease some of his fears.

Come up with more “what if” plans. Okay, so what if he trips? Come up with what he should do if he trips. Don’t tell him it won’t happen because you don’t know that. Brainstorm with him what he could do if he trips. (Laugh and take a bow after tripping / turn to the audience and shrug and smile after tripping and brushing himself off, etc). These can actually become endearing moments. Brainstorm and practice what he is comfortable doing. Knowing what to do ahead of time helps ease anxiety.

4. To review what I said above:

Our doctor said that anxiety is eased by ACKNOWLEDGING the feelings and coming up with “WHAT IF” PLANS. Telling him everything will be okay actually makes anxiety worse. Who knew?

These strategies helped my daughter immensely. Good luck!

[Redpanda5 in reply to Redpanda5]

Sorry it looks like the graduation rehearsal already happened by the time I posted! Well maybe this can help for the actual graduation ceremony….

I hope rehearsal went okay for him!