My son "never learns", any advice?

[gaia4512]

My 12yo keeps getting in the same trouble repeatedly like, the internet. I've had to get rid of all portable devices and regulate his desktop computer. This has been an issue for over 3 years. This year the school has issued him a chromebook for schoolwork. He has gotten in trouble with it several times. I've tried varying degrees of grounding, it works for a while but he does it again like he thinks he won't get caught. I know his mind works very differently, I'm just so frustrated. I tried rewarding him for good bedtimes and found the chromebook under his pillow. Now it's in my room at night. I've also caught him shoplifting a couple times. I talk with him all the time, he understands why it's wrong and why he's in trouble. I feel like he just doesn't want to stop. He's in therapy and he's medicated. He's getting old enough that some of these behaviors are going to start to cause real problems. I don't know what I can do.

[Hidden]

I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say that you are not alone. My son is 10 and doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes at all. He picks up the cat, the cat scratches him. (Repeat 1x weekly for 8 years.)

Or doesn't seem to understand explicit directions. One time, we were trying a new craft together, wood burning. I had it set up, I looked directly in his eyes, and said, "Don't touch this, it's extremely hot." and he looked right back at me, reached over, touched it and burned his finger.

I don't know what causes this. I know he's capable of learning from experience - he learned how to walk, after all, and learned how to do any number of other things. But in some areas it's like there's a brick wall and nothing gets through.

I feel your pain and frustration!

[Onthemove1971]

Since you have tools ( medication and thearpy) in place please consider restricting his time, material and content through your internet provider. They are not mature enough to understand these actions. We do this for his cell phone and the school does this for the content on the Chromebook. I would also not allow him to be in a store without direct supervision. I would not discuss this, just always watch him or don't have him in the store.

Trust is something they build and earn. We talk about this a lot and when there is a slip, we go back to zero again.

Children with ADHD act about 2 years younger than these chronical age.

Hope this helps.

[GoDukes]

I wish I had some advice for you but I am going through a lot of the same things with my 11 yr old son. I understand the delayed maturity with kids like him but it does have me worried about the trouble he will get in to as he gets older. I just try to be consistent with my punishments and praise in the hopes that his maturity will catch up before something really bad happens. We are still trying to find a good med and counseling mix to help him as well. That is proving to be a long process of trial and error. Hang in there!

[christelferrer]

I really wish I knew how to fix it...my son is 9 and we have the same issues. I have to monitor him constantly for him to follow his classes, which is quite impossible as a full time working mom. The minute I let go, it is a disaster. He is not failing in school but I receive a lot of messages from his teacher saying that he appears in class but not answering when prompted to do so (he is obviously surfing idiotic videos and gamers on YouTube—I wish YouTube could go away). We have invested in a software to control websites, guess what? He found a way to crack it! What I have been doing now is sitting with him and taking away the computer the minute class is over. We are putting it in a safe to ensure he can't have access. Pretty drastic but this has been the only way I don't pull my hair :-).

[Elijah1]

It appears he has an electronics 'addiction'. There are some books on this topic like Dr. jay Berk's Parent Guide to Electronic Addiction. Do some reading and see if the label and recommended treatments are appropriate.

[Sabrousal]

Try to remember maturity wise they are maybe I don't really know 2 years behind their current age. I really couldn't stand my kid at age 12, he acted like he was 10 as far as I was concerned but at 14 he has improved tremendously. So I would say be patient and let natural consequences happen. My son was basically expelled out of the gifted public school in 6th grade. I fought for him but in the end....it was a lesson learned and I think our family is better for it...it was not right or possibly even legal but 3 years ...I know it sent us down a better path for him and us...good luck!

[gaia4512]

Thank you all so much for the support. I really appreciate it.