Ups and Downs

[Luvmkids]

My son has inattentive ADHD and we came to this diagnosis in 8th grade , now is in 10th in a private college pre high school.

Since the diagnoses I have spend countless hours, days learning , researching and supporting my son. He takes medication a stimulant, a booster and Intuive as a adjunct therapy for better focus. We have done CBT therapy , uses a ADH coach and tutors - everything to help with success in school. He has been in sports for years and still is

There has never been any behavior or hyperactive issues or tendencies, probably why this ws not diagnosed earlier and it was me that told his school in 6th grade that my son was working too hard for the grades he was getting . I just knw in my heart that something ws getting in his way. The school just thought I was a tiger mom or something as they were good grades all A's and B' then middles school and in 7th went to C and B overnight. In 8th grade I went to work and yes made some mistakes thinking I could and should "Fix" this. Note true but I have learned to play to his strengths and he has many

He is a very good and "charming kid' always happy - glass is half full kid.

I find that this year he his playing games too much and when I try to curtail it or set limits , one hour a day after homework or studying, he blows though his homework and or projects ( and I will say he get all A on assignments and projects AND turns thing in on time etc but then on quizzes or tests - D s . He gets extra time on test but doesn't use it , hes finished before most. He had study skills and I worked with him strategy's as well.

I tell him one hour or no games tonight and he say "no thank you" and goes to play. He will spend 10 minutes studying and say he studied for 1 hour, then play two hours of a game and say it was only 1 hour. My husband hasn't wanted to deal with it so it always fall on me. I have been his study buddy , helped him or showed him how to write his own test ( doc said best way to study for him)

I am at the point where I want to take the gaming computer or system's completely out of the house until he figure out how he has to study ( he doesn't take my advise any more) . All of the three doctors we have worked with said that with eve thing he has accomplished there is no reason why he continuers to get d's on tests.

Man I made this long but any advice on how I can take away games , cold turkey , without starting another war? Has anyone done it. ? I have tried to regulate them but I can not police it I work and his father, who now gets it , doesn't want to be the bad guy ( thats my department) and cant say no .

[Aloysia]

The games are always going to be a huge motivator for him. I suggest software that will allow you to provide time to him only after you've checked (or he's showed you) what he has completed. I use Microsoft Family, but I'm sure there are many other options. If you remove the games completely, you will have no leverage.

He's in 10th grade. He has to start learning his own motivation. You mentioned that you've tried ADHD coaches in the past. I think you need to go back to that. If you still have an ADHD coach/mentor, then maybe you need to switch to a new one.

One idea is to have him use a study double. This is the concept where two (or more) people agree to study at the same time. They do not have to be in the same room (use zoom, etc) or studying the same thing. The point is that they are there holding each other accountable for getting their stuff done. This person could be you for a while. But ultimately it should be someone else. Could be someone he knows. Or they do have an online thing where you sign up for a timeslot and get matched with a random person. But if he sets up a mtg every day for an hour he is more likely to do the work.

Also take a look at articles on ImpactParents.com for other ideas.

Good luck!!

[Redpanda5 in reply to Aloysia]

This is a very helpful post! I am going to look in to both Microsoft Family and ImpactParents. Thank you!

[Onthemove1971]

We could have written this message. Our Freshman also loves electronic games. With me I punish forward. Hope that makes sense. If I set a time limit and he goes over it, tomorrow all electronics are in my closet. He is only given games, when all current and upcoming assignments in school are done with a grade of C or better and house hold chores are done. He only has 3, empty dishwasher, clean cat boxes and take out recycling. We live in a community and he has to help also.

But I understand he can have a break when the timing is right.

If I find out he has missed an assignment or did bad ( becuase he rushed to play video games) on one, the next 2 days there are none.

I think maturity also plays a big part in this. The older they get the more responsible they become. At least that is our experience.

I also agree with the parental control on the internet ( there are many versions, GoGuardian, Microsoft family control).

To me I want him to understand the impact it has when he sits for hours wasting his time.

Hope this makes sense.