18 Year-old with ADHD

[EliRivera]

I guess I just want advice about my 18 year old with ADHD. He’s getting out of control. He’s signed up for college but hasn’t done any of his work. We got him a car and now is never home. He leaves and just drives around visiting whatever friends are available and comes home at 1 or 2am. He just started smoking pot and he’s spending most of his money on that (gift money). His favorite saying is “Stop trying to control my life”. He doesn’t work although we have applied to some jobs. He has anger issues when he doesn’t get his way. We just took the car away so I’m waiting to go home to see how he reacts. He usually curses at me and I try and take as much as I can. The last thing I want is to get into a physical fight with him. I’m learning to walk away and take a drive myself. I don’t know how much more my wife and I can take. I guess I needed to vent but I do have a question. Will consequences work for an 18 year old with ADHD? I feel like he just doesn’t get it.

[Olddognewtricks]

I am having some similar struggles with my soon to be 18 year old. You may want to try reframing the issue of “control of his life”. He is in control, now he has to take responsibility. If you bought and paid for the car and pay for the insurance, it’s your car. He has to earn the privilege of driving it. He’s an adult living in your house presumably being fed, taking showers, using utilities, etc. What kind of contribution do you expect from him regarding activities towards becoming independent? Try being a little more clear and specific about what he needs to do. Apply for a job everyday, successfully complete one college course at a time? Also is he taking his meds? Would he consider counseling to explore motivation issues?

[Netanyami]

I’m in the same boat and stumble upon an amazing Psychologist on Youtube. He’s Dr. Paul Jenkins of Live on Purpose TV. He reiterates that it’s not about age but stage. And shows a graph on how to handle children based on where they’re at on moral stage of development. It’s just a preview but I highly recommend for you to see if he’s advice applies to your situation.

My son also has mild ASD so I always educate myself on what works or not when it comes to parenting. Good luck and stay safe! You guys are an amazing parents!

[MDDutter]

Have you ever tried medication. My son was diagnosed at 6. He was not communicating right. He was getting angry he stopped ready and speaking in sentences. I had him in every therapy. He was very smart. Left untreated adhd kids will normally turn to drugs to feel normal and the escalation of the types of drugs escalates. I can tell you what I went through and today my son is 15 and doing great.

I had to learn everything myself as a new mom if I Can help someone else I would love to I hope you will respond kind regards Jennifer