Help with my son

[Vicbrenan]

My son is relatively well managed at home, but is a nightmare for his grandma. She has no control over him and he ends up escalating big time when she’s babysitting him. He is 10. His escalations can get violent with her. He doesn’t become violent with the rest of us. I’m at a loss what to do about it because he doesn’t behave that extreme with us.

[froggymom88]

I think it might be good to sit down with him and grandma and lay down some guidelines and expectations. Let him know the whole family is on the same page and also let him know the consequences when the expectations are not met. Just be sure the consequences are fair and doable and that grandma enforces them.

[_khalil]

I suggest, looking in the differences in your home life and her’s and her way of parenting and discipline and yours. Kids often have difficultly with change which can cause them to act up. Ask him the reason he does. Does he get aggravated with something particular his grandmother does, that he does not like? I agree with froggy as well. Let him know that the same rules apply. This has helped with my brothers at the babysitters house: keep the same discipline systems at both homes/in both care, and write rules and hang them up at both homes.

hope this helps

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group. Glad you found us. We are here to support you while on the journey of raising a child with ADHD.

Children with ADHD do best when they have the following: thearpy, medication, an educational plan and modified parenting styles.

Our son is 13 years old and we have been in many situations like yours ( our son was in Kumon tutoring and instead of doing the work he would lie and hide the work, he would be in a classroom with a teacher that hated him and he would be in trouble daily) what I have learned is change whatever is going wrong... I know this sounds like avoidance or him getting out of something, but children with ADHD communicate with their behavior ( both negative and positive). It doesn't sounds like he mixes well with his grandma, so I would limit their time together until he gains maturity or you provide more tools for him to use.

I have spent so many hours worrying about why our son did certain things instead of changing the thing.

When our son looks back on life he will be regretful that he didn't do Kumon, but that will be on him, not us. I have so many examples, but the Kumon is the easiest.

One more piece if advice, if you have not given him these tools ( even if you say he is fine at home) I would suggest you start with one and work your way through them because at some point he will need them. Waiting will only mean you get in crisis and then really need them.

Hope this helps, best of luck with the situation you are in now.

[momwifedaughtersis]

Hi, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this - must be heartbreaking. I have had some similar situations with my son who is 8. I don’t have any great tips, but a way to think about it (as suggested by my son’s therapist) ... that your son requires your presence and his own environment to keep himself calm and regulated. So, are there ways to make him feel familiar, more comfortable around grandma? Is he at her house? Could she come to yours? It would be interesting to know if he’s blowing up over “nothing” (as my son definitely can do) or if they are in a power struggle. Sounds scary for both of them, and agree with previous poster, maybe it’s best to take a break. Crazy idea ... could a pet help the situation?

[510Wins]

I’m NO licensed medical expert. I’m just a Mom.

He seems to be having a reaction to something he’s eating or drinking at her house. It could be : artificial colors in foods or drinks, preservatives in foods or drinks, sugar, High fructose corn syrup.. etc...

Most of these kids are having “Neurological changes in behaviors” due to consuming something their bodies CANNOT process/digest. It causes behavior changes.

No Talking too, discipline or time outs will work. Their minds are literally out of control due to being toxic. Go to YouTube and search : Red 40. A kid named “Nash”.. will show an example of what he is experiencing after consuming candy with RED 40 artificial color.

Good luck to all you parents.

I do speak from experience with my son. They try to tell me he had ADhD.

I just removed all the junk foods and fed my son Whole Foods. He became normal in 1 week.