ADHD and managing electronics time

[zatoichi1]

I have a 12 year old son with ADHD and in the last year he developed severe anxiety. His grades dropped and it's difficult to get him to do homework, chores or even take a bike ride with the family. He spends much of the day either playing fortnite or watching Tictoc/youtube. In particular, he stays up late in bed on his phone. When I ask him to take a break from electronics, he gets angry and says it helps him relax. However his psychiatrist says he shouldn't do electronics 1 hour before bed. I'm wondering how others handle electronics with kids in a positive way.

[Viewer87]

We use a reward system with electronics. If daily chores are completed, and grades are are up to par. No need to have straight As or honor roll for that matter. Willingness and effort are demonstrated, that's all that matters. We allow 1 hour a day for them to use the phone, hence with close supervision and filters from getting on social media. Occasional YouTube is okay, the content on there is not so good. We are by no means helicopter parents. We try to do the best we can with what we have.

We have learned this is an area that any child can dominate and control, if they are given the free will to do so. Why am I saying this, bc it happened to us. It's easy to feel guilt and shame when saying no. However if it's done for the right reasons, then standing is such a bad thing. There might be a blow up or kids won't speak for a while but that comes with the territory. The key for my wife and I to not do, is to subscribe into that misery with them. Otherwise, if they are not able to process through such in my opinion it's emotionally crippling to them.

For a child to say it relaxes Themis an exaggeration. If anything research and studies show more media exposure increases brain stagnation, while inducing depression and anxiety.

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for your message we all struggle with this.

We have a set schedule for during the week. Academics/creative time, excerise and lunch, academics (or reading) if you are done. Then outside time. If chores, excercise and school work are done and we have not had any major behavior issues he can use phone or iPad. If there are any arguements (I never ask for him to give up the item) I just turn off the internet either parent controls and he doesn't get it the next day or the rest of that day.

Of course he would tell you it helps him, he is 12 years old and he is right, it helps all of us to zone out and not do out work. BUT, if he has the tools to help him (therapy, medication and educational plan) then he should be able to cope with the demands and be successful - most of the time. It's not perfect but very functional.

If he does not have these tools then this is somewhere to start. Life will get harder and so will school.

Hope this helps..

Take care,

[penn_adhd]

They say that about anyone for their sleep. However, if it's an Android based device I'd use Google Family Link to control daily time limits and what times they can use things. Echo Dots and such can be controlled with Amazon Freetime. There's also turning off the WiFi after a certain time of night, etc. But also keep in mind this is a stressful time and things like fortnite are where his friends are right now.

[ConfrontingChallenge]

I have my son’s iOS devices under my control thru Screentime settings managed on my phone.

His phone locks down at 8:30 most nights and that is his queue to plug them in in my bedroom and shift his attention to the evening routines. He acted out the first night, but has been okay since. I rest better knowing he’s not on his phone in the middle of the night. Routines and structure are so important, so is modeling of the behavior we expect of our kids. I make sure to try to stay off my devices after 8:30 so not to be hypocritical.