My 14 year old son can't seem to see the messy state of his room. I have a list on the fridge of chores he needs to do daily.
He prefers electronics over anything else. I really feel he has an addiction to electronics in general. If I unplug the t.v. put the computer or Ds up he finds a way to sneak it. Any ideas?
I just asked my 14 year old with ADHD who LOVES video games what he thinks. Surprise! He doesn't see the problem. However, he did say that perhaps video games could be a REWARD for finishing chores. He also said that while he knows that exercise is important for health and helps increase focus, particularly for kids with ADHD, if hes getting enough exercise, he doesn't see why videogames are inferior to another hobby. So, there's that.
I have read lots of things on the topic and it seems that there are many reasons why video games are attractive to the ADHD brain. First, their brain works REALLY fast. The speed at which our "normal" brains process stimuli is boring for them. Video games move as quickly as their brains. Second, there is a relationship between low level dopamine (and serotonin) and ADHD. Videogames provide a constant dopamine "hit" which makes them feel more normal. Third, in my son's case, it is often a good way to make friends and play with other boys. Not sure why, but I feel.better about the video games when he is playing them with another child.
So, maybe no video games until chores are done? As for "sneaking " what if you lock the devices in your car? If he breaks in the car, video games may not be your biggest problem!! Good luck!!
I would make my daughter bring me her laptop and phone at a certain every night. It helped her sleep through the night. It will become more difficult once your son has more schoolwork to do online.
Since children with ADHD have more issues with controlling themselves many things in their live can seem addictive (food, TV, video games, exercise).
While our kids are young and not able to control things, it's our job to limit them until they can realize it's not a good idea to over do anything. Teachering moderation.
Our son could eat 4-5 bowls of his favoriate cereal in the Am, so I have to give him other thing to balance it out (protein, fruit, yogurt.
Being a role model and discussing how much is enough also helps.
I wonder if there other things he is like with over usage?
If I were in your shoes I would require chores first and then put a time limit. One if the problems is this might be his only tool to socialize with friends and escape the world right now ( which is not a fun place to be at the momment).
Good luck!
Yes, food has always been an issue . I've had to put hooks on my pantry doors. I have a menu on the fridge for meals and snacks. Now that he is older it's getting somewhat better. I caught him one day hoarding food in his room.
The chores I have put as a rule to do first before electronics or snacks. He understands the importance of it. He even will come up with ideas to make the chores fun. It works for one day and then we are right back at it. By the way I like the car idea. I'm using that today 😅
Also the behavior therapist suggested timer as well. What happens is he gets to into watching the time he can't concentrate on the task.
I know that I get busy as well. I've been told I need to stay consistent. I'm a stay at home mom with 3 boys that all have ADHD. My husband works from home. He also suffers with anxiety issues. We also have my aging mother in law staying with us and she brings her own needs and wants. Then to add to it all due to Covid I'm having to do virtual schooling for all 3 boys.
Wow! You have a lot on your plate. You also have great things going (organization, visuals, therapist, first this-then that). You may want to check out switching your router. We just switched to TP-link and it lets you assign profiles to each child and set individual parental limits. Because it's a router, it applies to all devices connected to the internet and let's you set an overall screen limit or even shut off the internet.
All that being said, we are also in that tween phase where we are trying to allow our son more opportunities to experience natural consequences of his choices and make decisions with us on how he plans to handle things differently. It's a balancing act!
Thank you for your thoughts. I'll have to look into the router idea .
Sometimes it would be nice to be able to get inside his head. ( Or maybe not.) 🤨
Just remove all of the power cords
There are video games specifically developed to assist with focus in children with ADHD. Perhaps rather than fighting him about his favorite thing, you could find away to make it something that you view as a positive? I sometimes think of conflict resolution as controlling fast moving water. If you just try to stop it or push against it, the pressure builds and eventually it breaks through. If you redirect the energy into a more positive direction, that energy can be a good thing (light generating electricity in my water analogy). Half joking here, but maybe he could interest your elderly mother in video games so you can focus on the home schooled kids!
The food thing sure is challenging. As a former teenage boy, I can tell you that I was STARVING all the time until about age 20. Sounds like you are concerned that what you are seeing is outside of normal. One of the side effects to ADHD meds cited most often by parents in this group is loss of appetite. Perhaps a medication change would provide a "helpful" side effect in your case by making him less hungry.
Good luck with everything. Don't forget to take care of yourself! For my wife and me, periods of quiet and EXERCISE go a long way in keeping us centered. Humor is really good, too, but humor isn't for everyone life has tought me.
Chores like cleaning a room can be overwhelming for kids with ADHD. See if listening to music helps and doing it with them will definitely help. ADHD kids are particularly attracted to devices because they suit an ADHD brain - quick and constantly evolving information, providing constant stimulation and reward. It’s the way their brains are wired - they can’t help it. I’ve made peace with devices by having a schedule for them. The kids are allowed on them at certain times and only after their required work, like homework, is done. I have to keep the IPad and IPhone out of their reach because they will otherwise absent-mindedly just pick them up if they see them. I’ve also at times had to keep the tv remote with me too. It’s all time- consuming but we do our best. Good luck.
Is this the beginning of what the teenage years will be like?
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