Behavior School

[mom-mom-mom]

I have a son who is 15 and has zero respect for any authority figure, including myself. I feel sending him to a behavioral school, is my only option right now. Has anyone sent their child to a facility like this? If so, did you see positive results? Or is this route a waste of time/money?

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group.

Just curious what interventions you have assisted him with? Thearpy, medications (natural or RX), intervention in school, something outside of school ( to help his self esteem).

When was he diagnosed?

From what I understand having a teenager without ADHD is very hard, I can't imagine how it will be with families who have a child with ADHD. But I know this is the time of life they need us.moat becuase they are trying to establish themselves as independent.

Hope we can help.

Big hugs for joining the group and posting to us.

Take care,

[mom-mom-mom in reply to Onthemove1971]

Yes, he has medication, tried therapy, interventions at school, living with grandparents for 1 school year. Would it be better for him to live with his father? Or do I just need to keep pushing and find another way to get through to him? I just feel out of options from my perspective and now is the time to make a move to behavioral school or to go with his father.

I wish I knew about this group years ago. It seems no one understands my kid or what I'm going through to help him.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to mom-mom-mom]

Great effort on all you are doing. This is a long and hard journey!

Do you attend thearpy with him? When I attend we discuss all of the things that I can not change in our son. Respect is one of them and the therapist phrases it in a way that shows my son, look at all of the things your mom does for you and then asks him why he treats me that way. What I love about it is I can stop the nagging and know I have a place to go to change things.

For us... each “tool” ( 504 plan, thearpy, etc.) alone did not work. But what finally did It was having ALL of the tools on the tool belt. This really means dialing in the medication so he felt “more normal” for a stable amount of time. Then working on all of the other things.

Our son is very sports driven ( can you find your son’s curiosity?) and we know there has to be a balance between school ( which he doesn’t really like) and the carrot of sports ( which he loves). This allows him to be in a team and build self-confidence.

Can I suggest you listen to the Podcast “Parenting ADHD” by Penny Williams. She has a son same age as you. Once you download a podcast App, you search for it and the subscribe. Please go back an listen to some of her previous episodes ( the one on punishment really impacted me).

None of have a magic cure, but we have all lived through many negative things and we continue to push on.

Biggest hugs to figure out what is right for you guys in this hard journey. We are here for you.

Take care!

[mom-mom-mom in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you, I'll look for that podcast now. Therapy was mostly him alone, sessions involved me for the first 5-10 min. His favorite thing in life is nascar. He has never been interested in athletics. I'll research new therapists and go a second round at it.

Thanks Again

[Onthemove1971 in reply to mom-mom-mom]

How his life could change if you bring in everything NASCAR.. Let him research jobs related to driving, could he work in this field.

Could he sit in a car while someone drives. Then you could give him dreams of one day driving.

Think of any way to let him explore this area. I guarantee it would really change things for you guys,

Take care!

[Mmagusin in reply to Onthemove1971]

Love this idea!!

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Mmagusin]

Please let us all know how it goes.. big hugs for being open to this.

Take care.

[seller in reply to mom-mom-mom]

ADHD teens are can be very hard to live with, especially boys. As I mentioned, I would be happy to talk with you about the pros and cons of residential tx. But in the meantime, I will share some of the things we learned. First of all, develop a VERY thick skin. Try not to take his mean comments personally. Our son was unbelievably rude to us for years. Do not engage with him, if at all possible. Keep your conversations brief and to the point. Teens never want to have long chats with their parents! Make sure he takes his ADHD medication - this helps with focus for school and with impulse control in general. This was not negotiable at our house. We had a few rules and tried hard to stick to them: no drugs/alcohol (we locked up all the alcohol and any spare cash), a curfew, minimal chores, etc. He had a 504 Plan, which no one ever followed. Be prepared to provide lots of oversight with his schoolwork. This caused so many fights - if I had to do it again, I would ask for no homework from the school. We sent our son to residential tx for 18 months because he was hanging out with sketchy friends, skipping class, and not coming home at night. Residential tx kept him safe, and allowed him to graduate from high school (we were afraid he'd end up dropping out because he hated school so much). But it did not fix everything. Our ADHD kids' brains are just very immature and not fully ready for adulthood until about age 25. Until then, they can be really difficult to parent, but they need the oversight. Therapy sounds good, but it usually doesn't help much at this age because they're too immature to actually implement the necessary changes to their behavior. Our boys want to be adults, but they have no real clear idea of how to actually be one and they are about 3 years behind their non-ADHD peers in maturity. They are scattered, unorganized, and defiant. I would take it one day at a time - and lower your expectations considerably. My son is now 25 and finally finishing up at our community college, with a degree in criminal justice. He takes Vyvanse daily, lives on his own, works part-time and we were pleasantly surprised that he's actually a nice kid most of the time! We still pay his college tuition, car insurance, and health insurance, and part of his rent. He should be off our payroll at the end of this summer, when he graduates. It's been a very long road to adulthood, with lots of bumps along the way. Good luck and I want to say that talking with other parents on this site helped considerably.

[RCJH8610]

If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of trouble has he gotten to at school? Has he ever been suspended or sent to a DAEP?

[ADHDmetoo]

Our little guy is only 9 so we're not at that stage yet. But I would try other things first. I feel a lot has to do with anxiety and depression. I'm always surprised how some teachers and adults in general talk to kids. They would never talk to me as a parent in the way they talk to my child, and for the littlest things. I remind them as well as myself to talk to them the way I would like to be talked to.

We tried many things and still working on it.

Zoloft was an initial godsend. Shortly after going on that, he became less defiant and so pleasant to be with.

We introduced a new school to him (public from private) and his anxiety went threw the roof. Even the increase in Zoloft didn't help. I was desperate and heard about cbd. Tried that, and it was literally a miracle. He calmed down right away. A lot of his adhd behaviors went away. After the winter break, we're having a few issues, but in my opinion very minor compared to before and with time I'm guessing he will get comfortable again. We also have him take a small dose of Adderall and Guanfacine but really have to be careful because stimulants increase his anxiety. For us anxiety and depression = defiance.

[jdjhen]

I do not usually provide feedback or particiapate but after reading your message I knew I needed to share. My son is 15 as well and has had similiar outbursts as well as behavior issues. Has your child had an IEP ? Our son had one when he was in kindergarten and just had another one done to see if my son has a learning disability. He dislikes school and him going to college are slim. After taking the IEP, the psychologist told my son that she is certain he has Dyslexia. He has severe short term memory problems and struggles to retain information without significant reinforcement. No wonder he hates school. Now, this may not apply to your son but it is worth looking into to be sure. In addition, find out what your son's interests are. Lately my son has found basketball is his outlet. He loves being on the school team and has tremendously helped his self esteem. Being on the team has also changed his attitude. He is trying harder in school and is helping around the house. I wanted to send my son to military school as I wanted him to change his attituse towards us. But after getting the news about him possibly having dyslexia, our view has changed. Our son was been bitter in the past because he wasn't fitting in at school. His self self esteem was destroyed and felt "stupid". He isnt stupid, if any thing, his parent's feel stupid for not knowing sooner that he suffers from a Dyslexia , which is a language-based learning disability. Our son suffers from ADD but Vyvanse has helped tremendously. We have tried others but Vyvanse seems to have the least amount of side effects. In regards to military schools, look for one that is nearby. Some are costly but well worth the investment if it changes your son's attitude and behavior. I certainly hope this helps. All the best!

[jennifer425]

Hey my son has years in behavioral schools and he still miss behaves.

[seller]

We sent our son to a residential school for 18 months when he was 16. I'd be happy to talk with you about it.

[Happle]

Only you can make this decision, as only you and your family have to live with your child's mental illness and behavioral issues. Nobody truly understands, and those who are not in your shoes will add to your guilt, all be it "friendly" advise. Adults who are abused are not advised to attend counseling with their abuser, subjected to how they could prevent "triggers", abusive behavior, etc. Parents however are examined under a microscope, even though they are the ones often on the receiving end of daily verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse from their ill child. Either way your heart will be broken-the love chipping away from the extraordinary stress and pressure, or from having to send your child away. Hugs, do what is best to keep loving your child, and your family.