school behavior problems already

[eva2022]

We are only one week into school and I was already called by the Vice principal’s because my son hurt another student. How do you work through the sadness and worry that come along with these phone calls?

[Momtrying]

It’s never fun to get those calls. I’ve gotten a lot of them. I try to focus on how my child got ti the point of his poor behavior, what brought it on. Then try to give him some ideas of what he could do instead. It’s soooo hard and I don’t think there’s a “right” answer for what to do. it helps me to let the school administrator or teacher know I’m doing all I can at home but to also talk positively about your child to them so they can look out for good things my child does. Good luck 😊

[Parentingishardwork]

Hey Eva2022,

I received 2 phone calls in my sons first week. Screaming, yelling and big emotions coming from him as he struggled with a structured environment . He’s still struggling with issues most days but the phone calls are coming less and less now.

Good communication with his teachers and principal is key. You guys are a team together for your son. Good luck and you are not the only one going through this. It’s ok to feel upset and worried 👍

[Trying1978]

My new thing, after a few wks of being way too critical, is saying it's a mistake, I have made plenty too, in my life, probably more than he ever will. So it's just a mistake, but, if it keeps happening, it's more like a decision so we're just going to forget about it this time (as long as he can get that it's a mistake) but if it keeps going on, we are going to deal with it (consequences, detailed discussions with school & therapist, new strategies we will have to work hard on).

Not trying to say I've achieved enlightenment here, I only got to this after some truly terrible behavior a few weeks ago I wld be too embarrassed to go into here & I'm also dealing w a 1st grader, so adjusting is different, depending on the age of yrs.

I feel ya, though. Nothing worse than that call from an outside institution. Hang in there!

[510Wins]

Hi. I’m NO license Health practitioner. I’m just a Mom.In my opinion, Your child like MANY others may be suffering from food allergies. It could be USA cows milk, Artificial Colors like Red 40, Blue 1, yellow 5, yellow 6 or even MSG. If a child all of a sudden displays bad behavior and this is a sudden change.

Like a Jekyll and Hyde behavior change, it may be a reaction to a food they consumed.

These kids are eating processed foods that contain CHEMICALS that their bodies are reacting to. Most reactions are seen in behavior.

If your child is a sweet kid. Then he eats breakfast, goes to school... as a sweet kid. Then about 2 hours or less ( when digestion begins) the child starts acting out of control as in like the Hulk or throwing things, pushing people, being aggressive, being disrespectful with words or even so emotional they can’t control their thoughts. This may be your child suffering from FOOD ALLERGIES.

If this happens, read the labels of everything your child is eating. Watch and pay good attention to what they eat and how long before the Mood changes. You will see a pattern of behavior. Once you SEE it, eliminate that FOOD or beverage from their menu.

Give them Real Fruit and Real food. I bet you will notice a huge difference in behavior.

Have a great day-

[Onthemove1971]

These calls made me realize my child did not have the tools to deal with life/school. I made sure he had: medication (prescribed by a child psychiatrist), 504 plan with the correct accommodations, thearpy and for us we should have gotten him more tutoring by subject. ALL behavior is communication and its our job to determine what the child needs.

Good.luck!

[julieboolie]

I've had calls and emails like this for the last 4 weeks. It's been such a rough season, I have felt overwhelmed and discouraged and out of my depth through most of it. My son is in Kindergarten. We've changed medications twice now and his behavior coach has been in his class many days trying to help him and his teacher. We are waiting to hear about an IEP (they have 90 days) But, while it's still premature, I do see a lot of hope. He is doing better finally, and the only communication I got from school this week was an email from his teacher saying how well he was doing. I am celebrating and cautiously optimistic that we have turned a bit of a corner. But even though today was a good one it is definitely not a given. But when things are rough, I try to remember that he isn't giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time. And as stressful and overwhelmed as it feels, it's so worth it.

[BVBV]

Hugs to you Mama! Although I haven’t gotten a call from a Principal yet, I’ve gotten many email follow-ups, in person talks during pickup, ect focusing on negative behavior aspects from my son. First off, it’s not your fault. I think I used to imagine that kids that got in trouble all had terrible parents and that is obviously not the case. Try to learn the facts of what occurred so you can discuss with your son what to do differently next time. It’s important to get an IEP in place to help protect him, and also make ALL staff aware that he has struggles outside of a “neurotypical” child. He’s not always going to respond in the proper way, because his wiring is different! I also highly recommend checking out ADHD Dude as he has the most useful and practical advice I’ve found thus far for parenting ADHD children.

[Redpanda5]

Been there! The great new personable principal that all the parents loved and connected with had to keep calling me about my sons behavior at school. It was mortifying.

My best immediate advice? Swallow your pride and courteously tell the school thank you for calling and be vulnerable instead of defensive. This will get them on your side and they’ll see you as a human being. It works and makes everyone feel better. Creates a team attitude.

Less immediate advice is the same as others above. Ask for an IEP meeting and look into a formal diagnosis and medication. This is the time to jump on this.

Oh, the catching of my breath every time the phone rang during the school day. We all feel your pain!

[OTmamaCO]

I remember the day the assistant principal called and I answered “Hi, Don” and he paused because he realized I had his number saved as a contact because he called me so often…. We were able to have a laugh about it.Seriously though, the stress is intense. It’s hard on everyone - you, your kid, school staff. Wondering what grade your kiddo is in?

I agree with others’ suggestions: if you haven’t looked into medication, it can be a life-changer, IEP or 504, ADHD Dude. Also, Ross Greene’s work (Lost and Found at School, livesinthebalance.org) has been really helpful for me. It’s a system for working with your child to get to the bottom of the behavior in a nonjudgmental way that sets you up as a team with your child.

But I think your question was more about taking care of yourself and managing the stress, which is a great question. I think it’s important to have an honest conversation with the Vice principal and say, it’s likely we’re going to have more calls like this. How can we work together? What do you expect as an outcome of this call? Can we make a plan related to possible behaviors so I know in advance what to expect? Can we have regular communication about both positive and negative behaviors? Also, if you are working, be transparent with them about your schedule, like when it’s really hard on you to step away and take a call and should only be for true emergencies. So much of this will depend on the quality and collaborative spirit of the school staff you are working with.

I wish you all the best. This worry is an incredibly hard thing to carry around day after day. Hugs, and trust that you are doing the best you can.

[Aspen797]

I think one big take away you should get right away is that you are not alone! Sometimes at drop off, especially when your child is just starting their school journey, it looks like everyone else’s kid is just fine and the parents are just fine and everything is great for everyone except you. It can feel very isolating when you get those notes or calls! But honestly, there are many, many kids dealing with a variety of issues. Know that your child is not the only one the principal is calling about.

On that note, although it is truly so important to maintain a conciliatory and “let’s work together” demeanor, it is also important to quietly but quickly really get comfortable and familiar with the laws that can help our kids get the services they need, the protections they require, and accommodations. You may already be well familiar, but just in case, a short guide is here: understood.org/en/articles/.... Knowing the procedures that a school has to follow, knowing the rights your child has can be very empowering. It can help you be kindly assertive in dealing with the school, helping you (if it’s needed) gently shift the focus from discipline to problem solving, as is required under IEP’s.

An excellent author you may want to check out is Jessica Minahan. She does a great job of exploring how anxiety is often the root cause of behaviors we see in school. The anxiety can be from sensory, from fear of failure/humiliation, not reading so social cues, etc. The fact is, the behavior is communication. That something is not right. The school needs to work diligently to figure out what’s not right and alter the environment (sensory accommodations) and teach the missing skills (social, self-advocacy, emotional regulation, communication, etc.). You cannot discipline communication (I.e., behavior) out of a child!

Hang in there. It gets better with time, maturity (!), knowledgeable strong but friendly advocacy, skill teaching, therapy and medication. Also check out Tilt parenting. Great book and website to find your village.

[Kd1970]

We got phone calls from the AP, the counselor, and three teachers in the first week of school. You’re not alone!

[Kh1112000]

Oh my gosh I hear you! Until this year, every school day was a day that I wondered will I get an email or phone call from someone at school or at aftercare, or both? One day at a time was the way I handled it, and one problem at a time. Some days it was aggression, some days it was swearing and some days it was a combination. I have learned to listen to my child, let him have cuddles with mom when he needs/wants it and find ways for him to get positive reinforcementt at home. I also like the ADHD Dude