How to help 3rd grader/suggestions

[MomxTwo]

Hi I’m new to the group! I’m looking for any insight on how to help my 8 year old with adhd.

In second grade, the school suggested his teacher and I fill out some forms to test for adhd/anxiety. as I suspected he had both (not the hyperactivity part just majorly inattentive) according to those (he’s struggled for a couple of years). I then took him to a child psychologist to confirm and she did so her and his pediatrician came to a consensus on anti anxiety meds first. As he’s taking these meds, nothing is really working. He just got put into smaller class rooms during tests and some reading comprehension help. After months and months of adjusting, only treating the anxiety he’s showing little change of any. I understand these meds take weeks to figure out but it had been 5 months of adjusting. So then I put him in cognitive behavorial therapy and the therapist picked up right away on his anxiety/adhd. At this point, he’s still struggling to complete work and stay focused. Therapy alone wasn’t helping much either so I finally talked to his pediatrician about how we’re treating anxiety but it isn’t helping. So she decided on a non stimulant medication for adhd and I had high hopes but he was also on the anxiety meds so that makes me nervous. Who wants their child on a bunch of medication? That’s how i saw it. It’s been 2 months with adhd meds and nothing is changing, maybe even worse? He’s not retaining any information and this year he gets ABCDF grades. In all we’ve been working on this since March 2018. We’ve ruled out autism, auditory processing delay, language disorder so the school says he can “decode” information

I would love to know if anyone has had a similar experience and how you went about it? I’ve confirmed the anxiety/adhd with 3 different people before resorting to meds and I’m losing hope and part of me wants him to quit them all. The non stimulant adhd meds had awful side affects for a couple of weeks (nausea, exhaustion, even emotionally numb in some ways) and I’m afraid my increasing dosage will bring those back.

I would like to add he has no behavioral issues as far as violent or even mean. He’s actually a very sweet kid (non-biased I promised) and has the desire to do well in school as other teachers have told me.

Basically, has anyone had a similar experience that could give me insight? Am I missing anything?

[Adam081911]

Hi,

I just wanted to say that my son has very similar diagnosis like your son. My son just turned 8 and starting 3rd grade next week. He's been diagnosed with ADHD, some symptoms of anxiety, central auditory processing disorder and recently his SLP mentioned developmental language disorder. He was also diagnosed with mild intellectual disability when he was 5 but I'm not sure about this diagnosis since his auditory processing and ADHD weren't confirmed at that time.

I don't really have suggestions to you at this moment as I'm still trying to figure out about my son.

He is on Ritalin 5mg twice a day (both short release) for his focus. That was a magic. We tried Concerta and Biphentin but no difference, just affected his appertite and sleep. So those weren't his good match but his teacher and both my husband & I saw a big difference on Ritalin. We were all happy when we found a good match.

Although he has some level of anxiety, his ADHD had to be treated first. Now, I'm considering about if this is the time to treat his anxiety....

We have seen a Congnitive Behaviour Therapist (counsellor?) when he was 5, but the counselor suggested to do the therapy when he is little more older. (his cognitive level wasn't there yet to have the maximum benefit of the therapy)

What I want to say is "Don't give up on meds." I feel the same way that not wanting to give a bunch of meds on your child. I'm not considering meds for my son's anxiety yet, but talk to his pediatrician. Do you feel your son's ADD should be treated first or anxiety? I understand the psychologist prescribed anti depressant meds first but do you agree that anxiety is affecting most on your boy's life?

I'm not an expert but I think try one medication at a time to see how he responds? Why continue on one medication that is not helping for 5 months? If it's a good match, you'll see the difference pretty much right away. That's what I saw on my son.

I also have a question about anxiety to this community. So I'm going to post a question.

I hope other wise parents here have great suggestions for you.

Good luck.

[MomxTwo in reply to Adam081911]

Thank you so much for your response! I wish you luck as well! I’m very much considering talking to her about taking him off of the anti anxiety meds. As they adjust dosage nothing is happening. Nothing good or bad. Has the Ritalin added to his anxiety that you’ve noticed?

[Adam081911 in reply to MomxTwo]

Everyone responds to meds differently but for my son with Ritalin, his anxiety seemed decreased. His pediatrician told me that some people noticed decreased anxiety or increased. However, it's still there. I have anxiety myself as well.

What I'm not sure about is that when is the time to concern about his anxiety and proceed to the next step.

[MomxTwo in reply to Adam081911]

I, too, have anxiety! I totally understand the struggle. I hope you both find ways to manage it!

[Maggie611]

Hi Momx2. I have an 8 yr old son with moderate ADHD ( with hyperactivity on overdrive). When my son wasn’t on medication he was getting asked to leave camps, preschools ( getting kicked out actually.... I can laugh about it NOW! I, too, was reluctant to start my kid on meds. I felt like a failure and as a result tried a plethora of nonpharmacological treatments, and they made little to no difference. Since my son has started a stimulant with a nonstimulant ( to counteract mood/ irritability), has has been doing better overall. Not perfect. I do get less calls from school, and camp. There was a time when even on meds he wasn’t doing well because as I came to learn his practitioner was underdosing my son. What I mean by underdosing is that they were providing dosages that were way below therapeutic value, so it really wasn’t touching him. I tried Strattera and he at one point started having homicidal thoughts ( frightening). Got him off Strattera and not another issue with that. I just started reading the conscious parent by Shefali Tsbary and she speaks to collaborating with your child. It’s not a book on ADHD but on overall parenting and it’s been eye opening and insightful. One of my sins doctors told me that not medicating my son is doing him a disservice but he had me put myself in his shoes; racing thoughts, uncomfortable body etc. that was how I finally started to stave off the guilt a little. I felt like such a failure and that it was a cop out. ( Very hard on myself). I can’t imagine trying to learn with anxiety, it serves as a barrier to his retaining information ( poor kiddo). I think what you can do is to continue to advocate for your son and not stop until you both have desired/ therapeutic results. It’s not an easy journey but because you have such a desire to help your child you will progress. One day at a time, one small victory at a time, and replenish your stores; self care is vitally important. If we don’t “ gas” up it Can be exhausting to manage and deal with various situations ( most of which are exhausting)! Also just a thought but question the school setting he’s in. There are alternatives; charter schools, and private schools that offer financial aid. Good luck to you and your son in this upcoming school year.

[MomxTwo in reply to Maggie611]

Thank you for your response! I also tried some natural ways to manage and it just wasn’t cutting it. I’m glad to see there are options. I was beginning to feel like nothing was going to work bc it’s been almost six months. His IEP provides taking tests in small groups to limit distractions and extra time so hopefully we get something lined out soon! I’m so afraid of him failing since they do get real grades this year. He enjoys school and I don’t ever want him to feel so bad that he doesn’t want to go.