When I signed up the site recommended I introduce myself. I am new here and I have a 16 year old son that was diagnosed with ADHD and kidney disease about 4 years ago...pretty much with the onset of puberty. ADHD really saved his life because if it had not been for his doctors visit for the ADHD they never would have found his kidney issues. He did not start medication for his ADHD until HS. We put him in private school for a couple years during middle school and he was a different kid. A well adjusted low key kid. Public school is a different ball game. Transitioning is hard for him so the beginning and end of a school year is always a nightmare. The overestimation in the halls and lunchroom, having to be organized...it is all a challenge really.
I wish I had had this space last week, well longer than that, but last week was a rough one. Some days I think "we've got this" and others I wonder how we are going to make it. I was really hoping as he matures some of the behaviors he exhibits would decrease, however that does not seem to be the case so far. I worry for his future. He doesn't know how to read other people and has a horrible time with boundaries. He lacks empathy to the point of being hurtful sometimes. I love him beyond words, but he definitely is challenging.
The lack of understanding from so many around us makes things harder. And not having anyone to lean on that get it isn't easy. Thank you for giving me a place to vent and find support.
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SMariano
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I think I may be the only mom posting who has an older son with ADHD. My son recently turned 25. My advice for you is to lower your expectations considerably and try very hard not to worry that his current behavior will affect his future. I can tell you that my son was a complete ass for most of high school and later. We loved him, but we couldn't stand him most of the time! Public high school was horrible, despite his 504 plan, which was never followed. Please prepare to be the squeaky wheel with your son's counselor! It can be very helpful if your son can get involved in some school activity: sports, theater, music, or whatever. Lots of physical activity helped my son and he still officiates soccer games and plays on a league. Daily ADHD meds is a must and I'd advise no driving until at least age 18. (Ask me about all the speeding tickets!) Don't expect too much maturity until he's about 23-24. My son was in and out of college and part-time jobs for years, but finally decided he was ready to focus last year and do community college full-time. (We made him pay for the first year, since I'd spend thousands on tuition with very little to show...!) He has 2 more semesters and will graduate with a degree in Criminal Justice. I can't say that he's a complete adult yet, but he's almost there! He does take Vyvanse daily, and sometimes takes a short-acting Ritalin for evening classes or work. We were extremely lucky that he never got into drugs and except for tickets, no legal problems. But the impulse control issues are still there and he does struggle to manage his money and keep his apartment neat and clean. He has lots of friends, is very social, and we have a pretty good relationship these days. But it's a long road and our kids are definitely slow to mature!
Thanks for the input. The school is already very familiar with me. I am sure some of the teachers just cringe when they see me coming or get an email, but they need to be accountable. Oh the car....he is waiting on his driver's test date and his need for speed really concerns us already. This is one of the reasons he will be paying for his own insurance and gas. Unfortunately we live in a rural area and for him to work and get back and forth to football means we need to constantly take off work to get him there. When he was younger it was easier because sports were it and not as busy as they are in HS. We try hard to take things as they are, but my husband has a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that E's behavior is not just him being an ass and that he can't always control himself. He loses his patience with him constantly and I am always in the middle. Money...yes, he can't seem to keep that in his pocket. He has his paycheck spent 8 times before he even gets it. He has asked us to let him manage it himself, but we will see.
Hello and welcome. May I ask whether the private school has made any accommodations for him? I understand private schools are not held to the same regulations as public schools. They are not required by law to offer any accommodations to the student.
The private school was amazing. But the way they were organized they did not have to make special accommodations because he didn't need them there. My son excelled in their environment which was very hands on. But also the way the teachers approached and interacted with the students was not from a place of I am your superior and you must do what I say but on mutual respect. They are not held to the same regulations, but in many ways this is a good thing. It was the best decision we made when we sent him there. Unfortunately they do not have a HS program and my son begged us to go back to public school for HS with his friends.
My son went from private to public. He started public school in Kindergarten. It has been a nightmare with him being far behind his peers academically and teachers not doing what they should. I am considering moving him back to a private school for high school.
Hi and welcome to the group. First let me say, I understand...boy do I ever understand. Hugs to you.
My ADHD journey started when my son was 6, he's 28 now (and we're still on the journey). If you don't already have one, I would recommend you have the child study team evaluate your son for an IEP (individualized education plan) which falls under disability law and is therefore enforceable, which a 504 plan is not.
We chose the medication route ... had to change things up a few times but without it I don't think he would have graduated.
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