Parent of Teen needing help, lost in the rabbit hole...

[WhatsGoingOn]

I have a 16 y.o. son diagnosed with ADHD and depression a month ago. I feel like I have fallen down a rabbit hole and can't find my way out. We are really struggling. Discovered he was experimenting with marijuanna use and selling. We have corrected that behavior, got him a counselor and psychologist he sees each weekly and alerted his teachers to him being put on medication to help control his disruptive behavior in class. Things are up and down with his moods. He had just been given phone and care privileges back (driving to school/track and home only) but after one day we found a bunch of new Star Wars Lego packages in his trunk. He says a "friend" asked him to hold them for him. Sigh....I would guess they are stolen. I'm not sure what to do about his inability to do the right (and legal thing). It is like his moral compass doesn't work or he simply doesn't care. Seems like making money and fitting in with the wrong peer group is taking priority over life. Not sure what to do.

[Onthemove1971]

Big hug.. let's help you out of the hole. I am just curious are you in the thearpy sessions with him? I think if you could join him, you would learn how best to parent him a different way.

This is really hard for many parents, impulsive behavior drives children with ADHD often. So I am sure there was a strong desire for the legos and he got them no matter what.

Just curious is he seeing a child psychiatrist? They are very skilled at understanding what behavior is best, sometimes it more than one.

Hope this helps..

[anirush]

Medication is such trial-and-error especially for the depression part. Some medications for that can make it worse.

I agreed that if you can go to counseling sessions with him, and keep your open mind not judge what he says, things might be better.

I go to my grandson's counseling sessions but his mother does not. He has told the counselor and I that if his mother came he wouldn't be able to be honest because she would get upset about things he would say.

The teen years are the worst. My daughter had a horrible time in her teens barely graduating from high school. She now has a master's degree. Don't ever give up.

[seller]

As a parent of an almost-25 year old, I can relate to your struggles. Here is my advice, after living through many years of bad behavior and problems with ADHD. First of all, make sure your son is taking his ADHD meds - not just something for depression or whatever. Medication specifically for ADHD is the only thing that will help curb his impulse control problems. I would be giving your son his pill yourself and be sure these meds are locked up otherwise. Selling ADHD meds is very popular among teens. I am sure my son sold his when he was at college. (This is a felony, so you want to be sure he doesn't do this!) In fact, I would make sure your alcohol, other medications, and any spare cash is locked up. We put a lock on our bedroom door because we were "missing" cash periodically. You need to realize that he is functioning 2-3 years behind his non-ADHD peers - this will continue until he's about 25. I would not allow him to drive - our son has had 3 accidents and 5 speeding tickets and we didn't allow him to drive until he was 18! These kids tend to hang out with really sketchy friends.....and there isn't too much you can do about it, but you don't want him involved in illegal activities. At this point and at his age, there is not much a counselor can do. Your son may agree to go and listen, but I guarantee he is not hearing much and does not have the brain maturity to make the necessary changes to his behavior. It might help you, though. I would encourage him to stay with track - any school activities are usually better than others. I would become VERY nosy - check the car, his room, backpack, etc. for illegal substances, etc. I would have a few rules, but you must stick to them: no illegal drugs, no alcohol, curfew followed. If you can get him to have friends at your house, that sometimes helps because you have some control. Sometimes a part-time job helps because they don't have as much free time. Let me know if you want to talk - these years are really stressful. On final note- he isn't an anti-social personality or anything like that - he just has ADHD and this means his brain just isn't ready for adulthood yet. They get better, but it does take a long time!

[JkBrauer]

Hello WhatsGoingOn,

HUgs to you -mom! Teens are a hard enough age to parent much less having to top it off with other health and teenage issues. I remember our oldest when she was a teenager, my husband and I thought she was doing pretty good through those years, then came her senior year. Everything just fell apart! We had trained her up with good morals and values, she knew better- we found out she had gotten herself into parties, drugs and alcohol and other things. We could not even have a decent conversation, she would just blow us off. I also work with special needs and troubled kids. (I had all the knowledge of what to do yet I was so flabbergasted- I did not know what to do!) All, I could think of to do was pray to God! He was the only one who I knew could bring us out of turmoil. I prayed for wisdom and strength each and every day. He always brought me through, he put the right people in my husbands and my pathways.

As a wife and mother, we have to be extra strong for our families. We have to loving and encouraging and supportive for our husbands even during the darkest of times. We have to be loving and forgiving towards our whole family and be able to move forward. Being a wife and mother is an extremely tough job and "you are doing it well!" I took some recipe cards and wrote some quotes and verses on them and taped them up all over the house so I could always be reminded and my family would be able to see them too. I will give you the references to you and if you have a bible you can look them up, they sure helped and help me out even to this day. "Phillippians 4: 6-7, Phillippians 4:8, Phillippians 3:13-14, Romans 12:12, ..."F-aith O-vercome C- hrist centered U-nder-going transformation S-ignificant/successful". "Greatness is revealed mainly in our attitude." "Success is 90% attitude and 10% knowledge." - Thomas Edison " Prayer is ... Asking God to Align us with His will Rather than asking Him to be aligned with ours." Psalms 25:4-6, Deuteronomy 31:6, James 5:13-16, Psalms 50:15. "Faith is being sure of what is unseen."

Our daughter is still struglling all these years later, but she has made such tremendous progress and I have learned so much from her and her struggles. Sometimes I feel like this happened because there was a lesson there for me to learn as well. I hope this is helpful to you and your family! I will be praying for you!