Im gonna lose my mind

[janaq]

How can I stop myself from getting so worked up when my kid doesnt follow thru on something? Just today, she had a big homework assignment she worked on all yesterday afternoon. She completed it, did her best and it looked great. I wake up from sleeping afterwork and see this assignment laying in the floor of the dining room. I turned it over and my heart sank, lost my appetite and felt my anxity taking over. I took a pic of the assignment and attached it in email to her teacher explaining she had done it but left it at home. I dont even know of she will accept it tomorrow despite being shown it was completed in full. I know my daughter probably had an anxiety attack when she realized she didnt have it. I stressed to her dad he has to take some ownership in helping our girl too. I cant be in 2 places at one time! I work too! This is wearing me down.

[Momof3wADHD]

"Maintaining your relationship with your child is going to mitigate their outcome." was advice, that at the time, didn't seem to make sense or carry much weight with me when I had heard it at my first CHADD ADHD conference 10 years ago. Those words, over time, did start to have a tremendous impact on how I dealt with the daily frustration of what happens when your kids struggle through a day, and you right along with them.

Managing our own responses to circumstances is paramount in managing them in our kids. Our most effective parenting tool is to model for them what to do, and as you know, they will do as you do, and not as you say to do.

Getting evaluated for my own issues (I was diagnosed in 2008 with ADHD and LD), getting treatment, which included educating and supporting myself as much as possible on ADHD with groups like CHADD, and getting outside assistance for things like homework, were the keys to being able to help my child. This helped the whole family as ADHD affects everyone, and allowed me to maintain the relationship I had with my child. I no longer was the coach, director and manager of a disorder, I was Mom again.

ADHD is second to height in heritable traits, so both parents can have it and it can cause so much stress when left undiagnosed and untreated. Anxiety and depression can be co-occurring 80% of the time with ADHD. If you are dealing with the same things as your kids, (and those things happen to us without our consent) like anxiety, its going to be a lot harder to cope and get in the way of "being mom and dad".

There is clarity when we get to a place where we feel back in control, when we know what is a manifestation of our or our kid's diagnosis and what is just typical parenting. When flying, the attendants go through the safety protocols and one of them is "If the cabin pressure suddenly drops, and the oxygen masks fall out, to put your own mask on first and then assist your child or someone else."

Change, starts with putting your "own O2 mask on first" and then get into a better place to help our children. Maintaining my relationship with my kids did dictate their outcome, not in the time frame I thought, but it did in their time frame. Everything that goes into successful parenting is very hard, but not impossible. Things got much easier when I knew exactly what I was dealing with, saw my role in changing my kids behavior and had the connections to find the answers. You are not alone.

[Teresa12626]

Does your daughter have a iep or 504 plan you can request that she get extended time for work and homework as a accommodation in them which would help for times when she forgets to bring it

[janaq in reply to Teresa12626]

The guidance counselor thinks she doesnt need either.. they have been willing to accomodate her most of the time. If her grades this quarter are subpar, i will be pushing for one. Im so tired of getting these emails

[Teresa12626 in reply to janaq]

They will try and say they dont need it. Put a request for one in writing if you do try to get one you can find sample letter online they legally have to give you one if she is diagnose

[janaq in reply to Teresa12626]

Im going to do this! Thank you!

[RaquelMonique]

Good morning Janaq, it is so easy for us to get frustrated because our ADHD children often make no sense at all! Things that matter to us, they forget, like brushing their teeth or doing whats asked of them. I recently listened to a TedTalk "Failing at Normal" discussion about a girl with ADHD and her experience growing up. I recommend listening to it because, for me, it helped me step back with patience. My son can be so frustrating and he is very literal so if I don't say something the right way, the outcome will be totally different.

[Lovinit]

She has ADHD, teachers need to be informed and have to accommodate her needs. Take a deep breath and know everything is going to be okay.

If you both struggle with anxiety, doing a mother daughter yoga class on a routine basis could really help with that and your bond together