Breaking the news

[maggsmom]

My 9 y/o was just diagnosed. Any advice on how to communicate her ADHD diagnosis to her? The psychologist rec starting with her strengths and explaining the help she is going to get and why without labeling it. Im up for any suggestions on wording others have used when talking to a heir child

[beemom]

What we did was talk openly about it, but in a positive way. My son was a bit younger, so we talked about how his brain is like a race car with this huge, powerful engine (I think I read this metaphor in Dr. Berkeley's book). But sometimes such a big engine makes it hard slowing down to like, go shopping for groceries or just drive around town- it's too fast and too powerful. I told him the medication we use for school is to slow down his race car brain so it can do important, small things like focus on the teacher's lesson. I did tell him that it's called ADHD, because I'm working very hard in our immediate family to de-stigmatize it as not something negative, just something different. We talk a lot about how cool all his questions and curiosity is, how wonderful he can focus so intently on the things he loves, and how that will one day be so great because he can choose a career that really makes him happy and focus on it.

Incidentally, my pediatrician told me that many of his colleagues have ADHD- the hyper-focus portion of the neurology of the ADHD mind lets them put their all into their schooling/medical practice. It might be helpful to your daughter to know that many ADHD kids grow up into super-successful adults because they listen to and learn the way their brain works and use it. Maybe google a list of famous ADHD's so she can see some positive role models?

[maggsmom in reply to beemom]

Awesome! Thank ypu

[WendyKirkpatrick]

I am the mother of a 31 year old man with ADHD. I have always believed that no matter what, the child has to know they are loved, adored and irreplaceable. I have always tried behavior modification techniques and open communication so our child would know he could have an open dialogue with his parents. I got him Special Ed help ASAP and that helped. Medication did not since it caused him stomach trouble. From my experiences with my son and my B.A. in psychology and Minor in art, I wrote, illustrated and self-published a childrens' book called "I have ADD and I'm Proud to Be Me." It is on Amazon.com and Createspace.com. I kept the price as low as I could. It tells of the condition through the child's feelings about himself and the world around him. I recommend my book because reading it together will provide the foundation for a dialogue in a family to discuss the condition and how it affects the child at all levels of his or her life, and how parents can provide help, love, guidance and resources in an open mutual communication and understanding. I hope it helps. Best of luck to you and your family. Wendy Kirkpatrick

[Sullysgirl]

very similar to beemom, we used a car analogy as well, I’m just chiming I’m with some reassurance. When we told our 7 year old that he had it, he seemed relieved to know why he sometimes had a hard time controlling his urges to do things. That it was his brain behind it and that it can work differently.

[Pennywink]

Also used the car analogy. My 6 year old really likes the Cars franschise, so we used McQueen specifically- how he is designed to be the best in the race track, but has problems with the regular roads normal cars use (my son then recalled the scene where McQueen had trouble driving at night, because he had no headlights.)

[eperez18]

I slowly told my child that he had ADHD using books mainly Captain Underpants and other books written by authors that he enjoys that have ADHD. I told him that ADHD is not bad it just means that he has a much creative mind than others and because of his many thoughts/ideas happening all at once he just needs some help focusing on one at a time so that he can get his school work or a task done. Somehow, for him watching Dav Pickley, the author of Captain Underpants books, speak openly about his own experiences with ADHD growing up really connected with him.

[Renee1988]

There are different kinds of ADHD. The race car analogy did not work for us, because my son's problem is impulse control. So we did a lot of mapping out the brain and talking about everyone's brain is different. We focused attention on the fact that as the cerebral cortex develops he will find he has more control.

[Ldydy24]

Also recommend men’s checking Amazon. There are several age appropriate books out there to help with the conversation. My son was diagnosed at 5 so I bought both an elementary book as well as a teenage book to help explain what he may be feeling. Both have helped a lot in addition to just being honest about his condition.

[Lovinit]

I can’t remember his name. When I think of it I’ll let you know but he likes to tell children that they have a A Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes.

[Lovinit in reply to Lovinit]

Ned Hallowell utube him