I'n new and scared.

[Patita1678]

I haven't tested my two boys. One is 12 and the other 10. State testing (SBAC) is sky high. They are reading at almost college level. I know ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence but it makes it harder for me to understand. But kids can not concentrate and teachers are telling me there is something wrong with my kid. I am scared to know what a ADHD diagnosis means. What it means for school.. Does this automatically mean medication? My kids have a temper, can't do classwork, trouble making friends, big one is that they are always in lala land, not paying attention, losing things.

[MissOz]

I am not a doctor, but I believe ADHD symptoms must begin in early childhood. How were they up to this point? Have they always struggled at school or is this a new development?

I’ve been reading books about the topic, as my child may or may not have ADHD. I recommend Driven to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell, and Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley, who by they way has excellent vídeos o YouTube on the topic.

[ldfitzpatrick in reply to MissOz]

Love both Dr. Barkley and Dr. Hallowell. Both references above are great for a beginning understanding of ADHD. I would also suggest going to the CHADD conference in November. I was so thankful I went to my first one (and have been back to many!) when I went to be with other parents who are going through the same struggles I have. I'm going again this year and taking my 16-year-old, ADHD daughter with me!

[Onthemove1971]

Patita1678-

Welcome to this amazing site with great support. Can you talk with us about what you are scared about?

What do you think is better finding out what is wrong ? or

Finding a solution to stopping all of the frustrating behaviors, so life can become so much easier for everyone.

No matter what happens we are here to coach you along... hope we can help.

Best of luck. Big hugs.

[VolcanoMom]

I was scared, nervous, guilty, mad all at the same time, and still can be on some days. My son always asks ‘why me?’, I say, that everyone has their ‘thing’ they have to deal with. Some easier than others. My daughter has poor eye site. I’m fat.

We are here for you on your scared days... it’s okay!

[MunchkinMommy537]

First of all, breathe. ADHD is a difficult diagnosis to swallow, but honestly having them evaluated can only help them in the end. A diagnosis does not automatically mean medication; many parents do not go that route. But I also caution you to not rule it out. A diagnosis can help you receive help for your kids through an IEP or 504 plan (if you live in the US). It can also help you understand why they behave a certain way. ADHD is very much an illness, and it can make them act in ways they don’t necessarily want to, because they have no control over it. Knowledge is power, and knowing what might be causing your kids’ issues can only help you (and them) go about finding solutions.

[WendyKirkpatrick]

First of all, you have no need to be scared. First point, you are your childrens' first and most powerful legal advocates. You can write a letter by certified mail to the school district, office of special education and request an evaluation for your children. They have 30 days to respond or you can report them to the Board of Ed. in your state. The testing is absolutely FREE. If they have ADD or ADHD, it is far from being tragic. The schools will definitely try and coerce you into medicating them but the decision is YOURS, not theirs. You must understand that the schools are motivated by pushing children through and medicating them so they will not be a behavior for THEM. When you meet with the group after your kids are tested (during school hours), I would consider what "MissOz" said in her reply. Make a list of any early childhood behaviors that may or may not fit the ADD or ADHD description. In some cases, ADD is a "garbage pail" diagnosis and they may not have it at all - - could be something else, including food allergies. Maybe because they are so bright, some of their classes are boring to them and they are acting out - - and a therapist could help. You could get one from the school as well depending on the school's diagnosis (also for free). There are books you can read and sites you can research. DO NOT BE AFRAID. You have beautiful children who are above average in intelligence but have some issues. Guess what, many people of all ages do to greater or lesser extents and you are far from alone. Remember your's and your childrens' legal rights and do not let anyone coerce you into possibly unnecessary meds. When my son was 5, the principal actually had the gall to tell me give my ADHD son Ritalin so the BUS DRIVER would not be aggrevated by him. Uh - -how does placating a bus driver improve his educational abilities? Your love for your children is your greatest strength. A parent's greatest possible weakness is caring what the schools, neighbors, and other parents think. P.S. I wrote, illustrated and self-published a book called "I have ADD and I'm Proud to Be Me." It's on Amazon.com and Createspace.com. I kept the price very low and it is from the child's perspective on how it feels to actually live with the condition. It might give you incite on how your kids feel about all of this. Talk to them as well and they might be more of a resource than you think. Best of luck to you and your family. Wendy Kirkpatrick

[ldfitzpatrick in reply to WendyKirkpatrick]

Go Wendy! You rock!

[Mudpies]

Big hugs. I was scared too. I still am sometimes and there are many other emotions that ride the rollercoaster too. It’s ok!! ADHD is an illness and can be treated in a multitude of ways, I would also advise against ruling anything out. I would encourage you to have them evaluated to find out if that’s even what’s going on. I would also encourage you to check out the CHADD website. It might help you understand a little more what it’s like for children with ADHD. It may help things make sense now or maybe that’s not what’s going on with them.

For me, I always try to put myself if my child’s shoes. That helps me as I’m making decisions. My son tells me that he wants to take medicine any time he’s going to be in public because it helps him focus on acting better. I can’t imagine wanting to act a certain way and being unable to control myself. How frustrated and down I would feel about myself. For that reason I will do anything to help my child be the very best version of himself possible. He and I are in this together.

Please know that you’re not alone either. This is a wonderful group for support!!! We are here for you.

[WendyKirkpatrick in reply to Mudpies]

I agree. I wish that I knew of this site when my son was growing up with ADHD. He is 31 now. He is a teaching assistant, tai kwon do instructor and other things. It was a hard road and he still has organizational issues and paid for it 9-fold all his life. But with the help of a wonderful fiance, he is doing fine. Never lose faith.

[ChaneyMom]

Being diagnosed with ADHD doesn't always mean medication. There are other ways to help your sons focus and stay on task. For my own son, medication was a huge help. My son is super smart as well. I don't know what it is with the ADHD brain, but for my own son, he can't absorb information fast enough. But having trouble making friends at school and having a hard time in class sound familiar. My son also has impulsivity issues. It is different for each child. We have found that counseling has also helped my son (and me!) deal with being a little "different". Counseling also helped both my son and me change few things in our routine to make it easier for him to find things, and get up and get dressed on his own. My son in 9, by the way. It's scary and overwhelming at first, but reach out to people for support. It helps to know that you are not the only one dealing with this issue. It especially helps to reach out to people who have a similar situation. For me, some family members and even friends were not the most helpful people to talk to because they had no experience with ADHD. Good luck!

[Elijah1]

Not focusing in smart children may be ADHD or may be boredom. With the description of your boys' behaviors, the former is a concern. Get them tested so they don't develop bad habits related to the ADHD.

[22789]

My 11 year old is gifted and was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety at 8. He is a straight A student in an honors program. He does not need any specialized academic instruction. He does, however, need support for planning, organization and time management presently. He took Concerta for 3 1/2 years and received behavioral supports for social skills/awareness frustration tolerance, impulsivity and anxiety driven reactions/shut downs. A lot of prior behaviors have been extinguished, some modified so much so that they are noticeable only to the trained eye and he addresses others with coping skills. Dropped the Concerta ER in March when it was no longer effective. Right now treating only anxiety but Wednesday he is going to ask his psychiatrist for a fast acting, stimulant that will likely last 3 1/2 to 4 hours. He has Science, Advanced Math, Social Studies Honors and Language Arts Honors from 8:40— noon. The stimulant will help him focus.

Eight is a popular age for diagnosis because behavioral expectations and academic demands increase significantly and kids no longer fly under the radar. Tween/early teen years is another for the same reason. The heartbreaking statistic is that 70 % of the make prison population has ADHD. I don’t know what percentage of that were never diagnosed and or did not receive treatment.

My son’s treatment plan includes medication, never ending parent education and training, a behavioral specialist, a child/family psychologist, a psychiatrist for med management and mental health counseling at middle school, which is tied to my son’s anxiety. My son is absolutely thriving from the 4 years of interventions. Life is still full of extra challenges but we have the necessary tools. Without these tools my son would likely hate life. His psychologist told him Tuesday that he was so proud to hear from everyone how well he was adapting to middle school. My son said, “Adapting? I am not only adapting but I am doing great”.

I wanted to share our story to show what a diagnosis of ADHD meant for us. ADHD is not one size fits all. What works for one, may not work for another. Levels of severity can be from barely noticeable to the other extreme.If you choose, request an assessment from your school district which is at no cost to you.

[22789]

ADHD is a neurobiological disorder. The brain has structural differences and chemical imbalances. A child with ADHD is 30% behind developmentally regardless of intelligence, which significantly impacts social relationships and the ability to master some age/based skills. It is classified as an other health impairment by the federal government for education purposes.

[Trying_hard9]

Hi don’t be scared, I felt the same way in the beginning but knowing is half the battle. My son is not on medication I choose not to put him on it and find different methods to manage and care for him. I do have an 504 plan for him and happy I did because he is so intelligent but state testing was a problem for him. Trying to get him to focus and sit still for 3 hrs, not going to happen. I also do online school for him and he’s now a straight A student. Just read and research and do what’s best for your child, you know your child and try things out sometimes 1 thing might not work but another will. My parents went crazy when they saw me giving an 9 year old coffee, but it calms him and Studies have shown coffee to have that effect on children with ADHD and it works for us. The more you learn the better you’ll feel