Has anyone had any experience with the Big Brothers/ Big Sisters program?

[ElinaK35]

We are grasping at anything at this point. Our 10 year old son has never been worse and it's at a point where my wife doesn't sleep and is taking Xanax for increased anxiety and panic attacks. He is getting aggressive, very disrespectful, unapologetic, completely lacks sympathy or remorse, doesn't stick to any punishment (we both work full time and his grandparents are too old to battle with him... he got kicked out of camp hence he is with them during the day). He is on medication (which might get adjusted today as he is seeing his psychiatrist), and he sees a therapist once a week. We tried everything and he does not care about rewards or praise... he just wants what he wants without any regard for the other 5 people in the family. We now applied for the Big Brother program hoping it can help... has anyone tried this? Thank you all.

[Onthemove1971]

ElinaK35- Wow, you have a lot going on. Big deep breaths... School is about to start, so if I were in your shoes I am not sure I would start another program right now. I am not sure his medication is correct and the counseling is working? What is your pediatric psychiatrist telling you?

I think getting back into a school schedule might help the situation. I would really look past the lack of empathy most parents of older kids say this is typical and gets better with age.

Just curious..do you have other kids? Is there one thing that you could use as a carrot? I hope a change of medication will help.

[ElinaK35 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you for your reply... we were told that the wait for BigBro is actually very long... not enough volunteers. Yesterday the pediatric psychiatrist increased his Tenex dose and he is also on Zoloft. She also added a diagnosis of Conduct Disorder to his ADHD and ODD and said that if there is no change in two weeks she will have to add Resperdal or Abilify to the mix. My wife and I have four children... In addition to our son we have an 8 year old daughter with ADHD (very different type, she is kind and sympathetic but can't retain any information and is very messy and behind academically), a 5 year old son who has Autism and a 12 year old daughter whose only issue is she is becoming a teenager :). I definitely hope going back to school will help set things to normal... it's just sad that we look forward to Summer all year and it's just been hell. I appreciate your support.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to ElinaK35]

Thanks for the update. So great you guys have the right professionals helping you. Yes I would say go for it with the application. I have heard good things about them as lokng as you get a good match.

So sorry you are struggling with so many issues with your son. As he matures let's hope he learns lessons that help him lear important skills in life.

Know we are here tok support you any time. Big huge.

[ZosMom]

Hi there. I can relate to a lot of what you shared about your son. My 9yr old can be completely disrespectful to our family but acts differently at school. I guess home is where he lets loose because he feels safer to do so. I have anxiety and his outbursts are a definite trigger for me. I have not put him in BigBroBigSis but a few years ago, I was a Big Sister to a little girl with ADHD. I watched her blossom over the 5 years we were matched. I was an outlet for her, a safe place that was different from home or school. It may be overwhelming for your son to start something new if there are a lot of other things happening and I would definitely frame it as something exciting and not just another thing “to help him.” But I can attest that it’s a great program. It may take some time to find a man to match him to, as there are unfortunately less male volunteers. Good luck!

[ElinaK35 in reply to ZosMom]

Thank you for your reply... we just heard back from them and you are absolutely right... we were told that the wait time is very long as there is a huge list of applicants and not enough volunteers. Last night the pediatric psychiatrist also added a diagnosis of Conduct Disorder to his ADHD and ODD... I just have no words... Praying that the school schedule will set things to some sort of norm.

[ZosMom in reply to ElinaK35]

Yes, I think having a tighter schedule will help. My son just started school again and I’ve noticed a difference. He needs to be kept busy. Although mornings before meds and evenings before bed are still very painful. I also asked the school for a 504 plan this summer and they really listened to my concerns and put my requests for accommodations on paper. Hope your school is equally as supportive. We also keep my son in a sport, year round. Helps him let off steam and again, keeps him busy. the ymca has been great and is somewhat affordable for sports. Sending love to your family; you’re not alone ❤️