Help: Son is escaping at night!

[smaurine82]

Hello,

My son is 8 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 and has been on medication since that time, which seems to reduce symptoms during the day (though only by a bit). His father and I are divorced (have been since my son was 1 year old) and share 50/50 custody and nights with our son. At his father's house, he apparently goes to bed on time and stays in bed throughout the night. When he does wake, his father is a light sleeper and gets up with him to keep an eye on him. His father and I have discussed bedtime routines and we've tried to make ours as similar as possible. He is already on a medication at night that helps him fall asleep and improves his appetite.

However, at my home, my son refuses to go to bed when it is time and no reward or consequence seems to affect his behavior. When he does go to bed eventually, he seems to wake up at night and get into things he shouldn't (he is very destructive when left to his own devices). I take a sleep aid to sleep due to insomnia so I often fall asleep before he goes to bed and/or if he wakes, I do not hear him and wake. He has recently started going outside of our home at night and creating trouble with neighbors (such as throwing paper airplanes lit on fire over the fence or stealing solar-powered lighting from yards), not to mention how terrifying it is to have him wandering around outside at 3am. I have decided that, for the time being, he needs to stay with his father at night until I can figure something out to help him go to bed on time, to stay in bed, and to create less mischief at night. He has an appointment with a therapist and of course I will see what she thinks, but that isn't until June and in the meantime, I've lost valuable time with my son.

My questions are:

1. Has anyone else experienced a similar problem? If so, what helped with your situation?

2. Does anyone have any insight or advice to help make it safe for my son to stay with me at night at my home again?

[w0nder]

I have not experienced anything similar, but my heart goes out to you. I think the important thing would be to find the reason why he is acting differently at your house versus his dad's house, but I do not think I can help with that. As far as going outside, do you think you would wake up if you put in an alarm system or pool alarm alert on the doors? It might be a temporary solution to making sure he stays in the house.

[anirush]

Have you tried melatonin or spoken to the doctor about something to help him sleep? One grandson used to wake up in the middle of the night but doesn't do it anymore

[Laufer]

Wow, I had a son who did that when he was 12 and scared the bejeebers out of us. Depending on your town and situation, you may need to talk to the police so they are aware of what’s going on and are on your side. This also could result in a referral to Child Protection services, so you need to be able to show that you are taking all steps possible to keep him in. Better get the medication in place to help him sleep (I hope you have a good doctor!) and alarms on the doors/Windows. Our experience was that our son got in a cycle of devouring (caffeinated) pop and candy and staying awake (would bike down to gas station late at night until we figured out what was going on), and the more off schedule he got the more wired (and weird) he would become.

Is there something different in timing of medication between your house and your ex’s?

Best of luck to you. I get uptight every summer about this but keep praising him for the responsible choices he DOES make!!! Make him feel like a million bucks for growing up and being a “big kid”.

[denak2]

1. My 7 yo does occasionally get up in the middle of the night. She would watch TV and raid the refrigerator (particularly getting into anything with sugar)

2. We have put parental controls on the TV and tablet so that they will not operate after 10 p.m. or before 7 a.m.

3. We have an alarm system on our house that we set every night because I have always feared that she would go out of the house without us knowing it.

4. We stopped giving her melatonin every night because my doctor had mentioned that it can cause them to get up in the middle of the night. I give it to her only on the nights that when she is really having difficulty falling asleep.

5. We changed from Focalin to Concerta and although it controls the hyperactivity less, she has less anxiety and seems to defiant.

6. It is really hard to stay awake until she falls asleep. She is usually hungry and I feel her cereal or something and it seems to help but she sometimes stays up until 10 or 11 p.m.

[smaurine82]

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I have been considering door alarms on the door to the garage and the sliding glass door to the backyard. The front door though, because I have roommates who sometimes work late into the evening, I am thinking of buying some sort of coded door handle (you have to type in the numerical code to open it) but those cost a lot. I am open to suggestions about this; I just don't want my roommates setting off alarms every night. I do not know anything about door alarms and am open to education. I would prefer an alarm that comes to my phone so it will always wake me. I really afford a whole house alarm system.

I'm not a big fan of my son's psychiatrist but it is super hard to find one nearby that sees children, so he's the best we have for now. But I will have to speak to him about his waking at night and see what he thinks.

For now though, until I come up with some solutions, he is staying with his dad at night.

[seller]

This will sound harsh, but would you consider locking him in his room at night? If all else fails, that is. I agree with one of the other posts about Child Protective Services possible becoming involved - you want to avoid that at all costs. Kids with ADHD almost always have problems with sleep, but this would be your best option - to make sure he sleeps all night. If you like his pediatrician, consider asking him/her about this.