NEW TO GROUP - LOOKING FOR ADVICE ON ADHD/ODD

[MDKENNY]

HI THERE! I AM NEW TO THE GROUP AS OF TODAY. SEEKING ADVICE AS TO HOW BEST TO HELP MY 10 Y/O DAUGHTER. SHE HAS NEVER BEEN FORMALLY DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD, BUT MOST DEFICITELY EXHIBITS CLASSIC SYMPTOMS OF ADHD/ODD. SHE IS CHRONICALLY ANGRY, LASHING OUT, HITTING ME, AND USING PROFANE LANGUAGE IN MY PRESENCE. I ALSO HAVE A 17 Y/O DAUGHTER WHO WAS DIAGNOSED AT 8 Y/O. SHE HAS BEEN ON FOCALIN XR SINCE THE TIME OF DIAGNOSIS IN 2008. SO I DO HAVE EXPERIENCE IN DEALING WITH ADHD. ONE ISSUE I HAVE IS AN EX SPOUSE WHO IS UNEDUCATED AND UNINTERESTED IN THIS ISSUE, SO I FEEL I HAVE NO SUPPORT IN GETTING MY DAUGHTER HELP. SHE HAS EXHIBTED DIFFLICULTY WITH SUSTAINED CONCENTRATION, SENSORY OVERLOAD, IMPULSITIVY, DEFIANT BEHAVIOR, DIFFUCULTY SELF REGULATING, AND FALLING ASLPEEP FOR YEARS. WE COMPLETED A YEAR OF CBT AT BRAIN BALANCE WHICH MILDLY IMPROVED HER SYMPTOMS, BUT NOW A YEAR OUT HER SYMPTOMS ARE WORSE THAN EVER. AFTER HAVING AN EPIC MELTDOWN YESTERDAY, I AM MORE CONVINCED THAN EVER THAT SHE NEEDS HELP. HER DAD SAYS SHE DOES NOT BEHAVE POORLY WHEN SHE IS WITH HIM, JUST ME. THAT MY POOR PARENTING SKILLS ARE THE CAUSE OF HER ISSUES. HOWEVER SHE EXHIBITS THE SAME ISSUES WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WHO ARE HER AFTER SCHOOL PROVIDERS..WHEN MY OLDEST WAS DIAGNOSED, THE BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRICIAN STATED THAT USUALLY THE CONDITION IS HEREDITARY, AND THAT IF ONE SIBLING HAS IT, THE OTHERS ARE LIKELY TO HAVE IT AS WELL. I'M EXHAUSTED AND FRUSTRATED AND WOULD APPREICIATE ANY INPUT HOW TO BEST PROCEED WITH GETTING HER HELP. PEDIATRICIAN, PSYCHIATRIST??? BTW.. I ALSO DID A TON OF READING LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING, AND BELIEVE I ALSO HAVE ADULT ADHD. MANY OF THE ARTICLES I READ SUGGESTED THAT I GET HELP FIRST. ANYONE HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH GETTING ADULT ADHD DIAGNOSED AND TREATED. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANY AND ALL HELP. I'M DESPERATE AT THIS POINT.

[Niko2012]

You are not alone, though many times it feels that way and this group is a great way to connect with others, reading such similar stories that you can relate to. Since being on here I have learned that I’m not alone and so many other parents struggle with the same day to day stresses. I’ve come to terms with that I believe I also have ADHD and OCD which has created many behaviors in my son as well. It’s very hard coming to terms that you could also be contributing to your child’s difficulties.

I’m in the process of getting help to manage my frustrations and create a better support rather than living day to day in this alone.

His father has also blamed me for many years until my 6 year old started displaying the same behaviors, his father is now reading more about ADHD and doing to therapy himself to help manage his own frustrations. I realize it’s going to take a life time of patience to hey through this.

I hope nothing but strength and patience during this time. 🙏🏼

[MarkFMiller]

You're now in a community of people who understand and who care about what your child and you are living through. As a professional working primarily with ADHD (and the parent of a grown ADHD daughter,) your post generates several thoughts and questions:

• The hereditary component is significant. Since your older child is ADHD there is a 60% chance that at least 1 parent is ADHD, and a greater chance that a sibling is also ADHD.

• That said, you cannot "assume" a diagnosis for your 10 y/o, in spite of the genetics, statistics, and similar symptoms to her older sister. There are a number of disorders that have the same or very similar symptoms.

• Therefore, it is very important to seek formal testing and probably where you should start. Since your Ex is not supportive, you may need to have full or primary custody of your daughter to authorize testing. You may also need a referral from a medical doctor, psychiatrist, or neurologist for insurance to cover the testing.

• Most of the symptoms you describe are behavioral. Have her grades fallen or are there academic issues, and have you received any reports of grade/learning-related or behavioral problems from school? With an ADHD diagnosis you should be able to work with the school to seek accommodations that will help compensate for her ADHD learning problems.

• It sounds like the divorce may have been less than amicable. How long since the separation?

You sound like a great mom. Don't give up fighting for services to help your daughter navigate through these issues. Your passion will lead the charge.

[MDKENNY in reply to MarkFMiller]

Thanks for your feedback Mark - I appreciate it. I am in the process of getting the formal testing started. I remember completing the process with my oldest daughter. I have joint custody, but I am the custodial parent, so I ultimately have the overall say. I would appreciate his input and for him to be involved, but I don't see that happening. I am on this journey alone, with the support of his parents, and my family (everyone see's it, but him) I made a doctors appointment for her on Friday, but after doing some more research this weekend I am going to make an appointment with an adolescent/child psychiatrist. She has combined symptoms at home and at school.. I am in regular contact with her teacher. Her teacher feels like she most definitely has an attention problem, and the behaviors are coming from frustration with trying to keep up and failing in the class room. Her grades are not terrible, but they could be better. Homework is a nightmare, and she rushes through everything, just to get finished. I have been divorced for 8 years. The relationship between her dad and I is not good. 8 years out there is no reason we should still not be getting along, but everything is always a struggle. I love my children tremendously, but the life we live is anything but normal. I need a little bit of normal. I cant ride the roller coaster anymore. I want better things for all of us. It's funny how we live life and things get away from us entirely. I think my oldest daughters meds may need tweaking too. Her grades and concentration have been lacking this year as well. any suggestions on how to support test anxiety in teenagers with ADHD. Her homework assignments are fine, but every single test she takes she bombs!!! Thanks for your support!

[MarkFMiller in reply to MDKENNY]

Since I've been making suggestions, I thought it would be good to give you my background. I have ADHD Memphis, LLC. adhdmemphis.com

We do ADHD testing/diagnosis and ADHD coaching. In coaching, we work with adults, college and high school students, and parents of children and adolescents with ADHD. We coach in-person, by phone and video (quite effective,) and also in groups for parents. We are also considering offering a parent's group by phone/video. Of course, a good deal of the issues students need assistance with are related to school, learning, and study skills problems.

Regarding test-anxiety: I mentioned you might pursue school accommodations for your younger daughter with an official diagnosis. Since your older daughter already is diagnosed, if she does not already receive accommodations, I would highly recommend it. Since they would be establishing a 504 Plan for ADHD accommodations, the school may also require IQ or other testing in addition to the ADHD Dx. The school district may offer the testing services, but you may also have to wait a long time for it to be done.

You didn't mention her age, but the most common accommodations offered would be very important for her:

• Additional time for test-taking (1 1/2 to twice the normal time) and

• Being able to take tests in a less distracting location (such as a room in the guidance office, etc.)

These significantly help with test anxiety. In coaching we also teach students skills for general learning and effectively receiving information, note-taking techniques, as well as test-taking skills.

Please feel free to reply or contact me if you have further questions.