Stress out/ worried

[Smittie]

Hello.I have a 17 year that is truly acting out.He lies and is taking things out the house and bringing other people stuff in.I found cigarettes in his room. He is Defiant.If i say yes he say no.I am trying to give him "normal " responsibly but it's a failed attempt. As far as school he is late tl classes and he has 2 E.He is in counseling once a week and sees a psychiatrist every 30 days he's adjusted his medicine numerous of times.I am lost and frustrated.I put him in football because that's something he wanted.i thought that would motivate him.And of course he only hangs aroynd others that make bad choices.i am constantly being judged by family and friends or because of his reputation I don't have any family or friends to be with oh and through all of this I forgot to mention I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and a single parent .Help please.advise anyone

[Hidden]

Yah am not a single parent but I pretty much parent alone everything is left to me...my son is 8 and is always so angry always tells me he hates me and is so aggitatived.... I have no patiences I always judged as well the only thing that gives me hope are my girls they listen do what's asked of them are always student of the week and the total opissite of my son.... I'm completely lost and don't know what to do any more..he talks back all the time if he don't get his way hell breaks lose

[seller]

I am so sorry - your life sounds pretty stressful right now. I'm going to tell you what we did when our 17 yr old son was similar.....first of all, lock up all expensive items - including cash, guns, liquor, etc. Put a lock on your bedroom door. Friends are not allowed in the house and take your son's key away if you have to. He will have to knock on the door to get in. Don't get into arguments with him. Set up a few rules and stick to them NO MATTER WHAT!! Don't allow him to drive. ADHD boys aren't ready to drive for years. (And we've had the speeding tickets to prove it!) If he's not on ADHD meds, then he needs to be. This helps with schoolwork and his impulsive behavior. Could you speak with his coaches about football? Ask for their help in keeping him on the team and setting up consequences? He will be more likely to listen to anyone besides you at this point in his life. If there is any type of support group in your town, please consider giving it a try. Try not to worry about the lying....they all lie and it does stop eventually. We ended up sending our son to an out of state boarding school for 18 months because his behavior had become so defiant that we were worried about him not finishing high school, getting arrested, etc. The good news is that he is now 23 and in college full-time and a pretty decent young adult. But the teen years were a nightmare for us. And I do hear you about the judging you get from family and friends....it's definitely there.

[misbri20041 in reply to seller]

Going through the same thing with my almost 16 yr old daughter. How did you find the out of state school? Was it just for kids that had ADHD? Thanks so much!

[seller in reply to misbri20041]

I started looking on-line for boarding schools and found several possibilities. We wanted a school out of state, all-boys, and fairly small. We also did not need a school that focused on substance abuse. These schools are not just for kids with ADHD - they are for kids who are not following the rules at home and school, having defiance issues, and having trouble living at home. Liahona Academy was exclusively boys and they have about 50 boys at one time. There are schools in the same area just for girls as well. I can send you additional information if you are interested!

[misbri20041 in reply to seller]

Thank you so much for the reply. I will continue to search for places online.

[seller in reply to misbri20041]

You can call Jillian at 435-669-5082 for recommendations. This is sort of like a "gateway" - you can explain what you're looking for, prices, etc. and she will help you find a school.

[misbri20041 in reply to seller]

Great!!!! Thanks!!!😁

[seller in reply to misbri20041]

Let me know if you want some details on the whole process.....

[anirush]

Does your son know your diagnosis? I can't imagine what kind of stress that is putting on him even if he doesn't talk about it.

It may be his ADHD but it also maybe drugs. Wouldn't hurt to run a drug test on him. So sorry you're having to deal with all this.

[misbri20041]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing. I have MS and have to deal with my almost 16 yr old daughter. She mental abuses me all the time. She is on meds and does go to counseling on and off. She is not getting up in the mornings for school.If she does get up, then she is very late. My husband travels a lot, so its very hard on me. I was thinking about putting her in a school that could help with her problems. Not sure how much more I can take. I know with your cancer you can't do much. That might be the option you need to take. It almost sounds like a cop out, but there is only so much some of us can do. Praying for you!