Exhausted, worried, single mom

[Madmarie]

My son is 10yrs. old. He was diagnosed with ADHD. at the age of 6. He has a learning disability, as well as ODD. He’s been on conserta for a few years now. I have a great tutor, and I’m in close contact with all is teachers, especially his special ed. teacher. His biggest issues, is his ODD, and his lack of emotional regulations. He’s been suspended from school, and has problems making, and keeping friends. He has epic breakdowns at home, mostly because I won’t give in to him, or if I discipline him for his behavior. He will lash out at me, say horrible things to me, and throw things about in these rages. Honestly it’s like he turns into a totally different child. When he calms down, he’s always profusely sorry, but it’s getting harder, harder to bounce back from these episodes. I love our pediatrician he’s caring, and always listens to my concerns. The last appointment he increased his Concerta, and added 1 mg. Generic intuniv. The last few weeks he’s done great, he even earned his Friday snacks 2 weeks in a row. After school today, he was upset because I wouldn’t let him play basketball up at his school, it was cold and rainy out. He had another epic breakdown. Of course I tried to calm him down before it got to that point, but he just can’t be calmed down. He called me names, told me he hated me numerous times, thrashed things out in his room. I try not to take it personally, most of the time he’s a loving little boy, and we have a close bond. I just am so worried that when he gets older I won’t be able to control him. I’m supposed to start behavioral therapy, but have yet to find one close to our area, and one that takes our insurance. I’m just so frustrated, I have no life outside of my son. Not to mention his dad is a constant source of stress. I’m in therapy, and I finally caved, and got on antidepressants. Ugh, sorry for rambling on Ana on. I just am not having a Good Friday night.

[Onthemove1971]

Madmarie- so many of us can relate to your story. We feel your pain and I am sending you a big hug and maybe a pint of ice cream.

What I have learned about children with ADHD is the "get better" the more they mature and learn to deal with their emotions more. I know its hard but try not to imagine in the future. Take today and when it is over celebrate...

I love that you know he doesn't mean to and try to continue just as you are doing. Also remember he is about 2 years young on a maturity level

We are here for you when you need us.

Take care.. lots of love.

[Madmarie in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you for your sweet response. It’s so nice to hear from people who get it.

[Mamab3]

My 14 year old daughter also has ODD. It's hard. I'm also in therapy and on the verge of taking antidepressants. Our world constantly revolves around her school issues, poor choices. and emotional ups and downs. My husband is also a big stressors to me. Oh...and I have 2 other kids. I try and keep it together but it's all an act. Having kids with these disabilities is not for weak. Hang in there mom.

[anirush]

Sounds like my youngest grandson. We never have been able to get the medicine exactly right to keep him from having these epic melt downs periodically and getting suspended from school.

I am paying out of pocket to have him see a behavioral therapist. She said it will take time to retrain him to control his actions. Not easy to deal with In the mean time period

[Seaoats]

I feel we are walking in the same pair of shoes. We're raising our oldest grandson with complex ptsd from physical, mental and sexual abuse at ages 4-6 and ADHD. We gained custody at age 6. Although recommended for meds at 3, the parents thought it could be cured by beating and shaming him. He was a great kid,smiling and happy as he thought that environment was normal. He loved school because he was safe when they chose to send him. 5 different schools from 5yrs until Oct of 1st grade. He was illiterate and frustrated easily. Problems with his behavior, talking, impulsive decisions, etc. resulted in disciplinary actions. No one cared nor listened. I picked up on writing and other fine movement issues, tying shoe laces, buttons . Finally with testing he was diagnosed with dysgraphia. Fed up with public schools I began homeschooling. He1 was a willing participant. Then I found out about the bullying and physical assaults because he was "different ". Flashbacks and triggers occurred everyday. Therapy and meds were begun immediately. He had some difficulty playing and would do inappropriate things learning social skills which is to be expected. My husband also has add which causes chaos in our marriage. Our grandson now has severe social anxiety, as do I, not because of kids but the parents. They frown on their kids coming for play dates or any social activity. 2 told me the sexual assaults were "damaging" and feared he would be a danger around their kids. I was FURIOUS! We are trying a different homeschool co-op. At 13, he's afraid of leaving the house even to a store because he thinks ppl can look at him and see he's damaged. It affects every part of his life. We found a CHADD group and go once a month and is great.. I was diagnosed with compassionate fatigue syndrome due to depression, feelings of helplessness and feeling so empty inside that I couldn't get out of bed. I had nothing left to give. This occurs frequently and also known as Secondary Stress Syndrome. Google and see if it describes you. My new therapist has literally saved my life. Grandson and I discussed private business vs public disclosure, but he has volunteered info that some kids used totaunt him, We saved his life but feel guilty that we can't seem to find an environment where he is accepted for who he is-a loving,compassionate, faithful friend who just wants to be a normal kid.

[StellarMom in reply to Seaoats]

I am saying a prayer for you right now. May God fill you with hope and my you know that He gives you strength and grace even when it seems you don't have enough. ♥️

[writingforjoy]

This is such a rough season, but you are doing everything you know to do and then some. You are making a great decision taking care of yourself in all of this as well. Don't give up searching for behavioral therapy, it can do wonders for some kids.

I gave my son options on things that were okay to destroy. We would give him newspapers to tear up, pillows to scream in and punch, even old electronics he could take apart.

It helped him have acceptable things to be aggressive or destructive with.

He has grown out of it all now. Being very physical in his career has helped greatly.

He needs action and adrenalin.

Homeschooling did wonders for him as well as he truly had a hard time in school and felt like a failure.

We did everything we knew to do and were absolutely exhausted so I do understand completely.

Here are some resources that may help: bit.ly/2yeGxU8

I pray that you find the peace and direction that helps you the best and know that you are doing a great job!

Best wishes~

[Madmarie in reply to writingforjoy]

Thank you for your words of encouragement! This site has been so great for me. I’m kinda of in this by myself! I love my son so much. Never will I stop trying for him!