HELP!!!!!!

What do any one u parents do when yourchild acts out at school with not paying attention....being disruptive and getting into trouble at school always angry..talking back I've tried taking things away..spanking him..talking to him....sending him to his room am out of options going crazy here

[ZosMom]

I share your frustration. Medicine has helped with my son’s behavior at school. We also see a therapist regularly to help him better address his big feelings. For me, pausing to remember that he can’t always control his impulses and it’s the adhd and not him, has helped a bit. Hang in there, take some breaks for yourself and know you’re not alone.

[Hidden in reply to ZosMom]

Yea I've tried all that to but no one wants to watch my son I can get a break because of his behavior

[Jorliss in reply to Hidden]

Maybe find an adult babysitter who has ADHD. I know I can relate to people with ADHD.

[Aniusia]

Hi Jennifer, is your son diagnosed?

[Hidden in reply to Aniusia]

Yes adhd and a mood disorder and depression

[Smittie]

Sweetie!! I am in the same boat.pray pray and pray .

[Hidden in reply to Smittie]

Yah.... But it's just so frustrating and tiring...he doesn't get what he wants hell breaks lose

[HKLinder]

I also share your frustrations. I am naturally not a consistent disciplinarian. I took a few of the classes that are offered free on the CHADD website about learning to parent a child with ADHD. I have learned to be calm and consistent (no actually means no - I don’t change my mind), it has made a HUGE difference. We started using a token economy in the home and changed his medication. His Adderall XR worked well for a year, then seemed to just stop! Over the course of 3 months, he has turned it around and is now having more good days than bad days. I’m sure that this is a cycle, we will probably have to adjust our strategy again someday. I am more hopeful that he can manage himself better next time around and I that I will be able to help him more effectively. My son would unleash hell on me too when I first started being consistent, he has slowly adapted. Don’t give in, being consistent, fair and calm does pay off. I wish the best for you!

[Pennywink in reply to HKLinder]

What HKLinder said!

Sorry to hear about your frustrations!

Jorliss also has some great insight for dealing with behavior in this thread: healthunlocked.com/adhd-par......

My own addition: making accommodations at home for my sons executive functioning weaknesses has helped him not get quite as frustrated in general & indirectly has helped his overall behavior.

[Hidden in reply to Pennywink]

Do u mind giving me some examples of ur accommodations

[Pennywink in reply to Hidden]

I'll try to give more specifics of what we've been trying when I get time later, but basically adapting these school accommodations for home: russellbarkley.org/factshee...

[Pennywink in reply to Hidden]

Alright. We're still new to learning about ADHD, but these have helped so far. (Besides Russell Barkley, the book Smart but Scattered has been very helpful.) Basically, externalize what he can't internalize, and see what strengths can compensate for weaknesses.

1. Time Blindness. My son has zero concept of the passage of time. If I tell him to end media time, to him it feels like he just sat down & I'm already ripping it away, which is very frustrating (even if reality is he's been enjoying it for an hour.)

Analog clocks & analog timers have helped this a lot. Digital clocks not so much, but better than nothing. But the visualization on the analog clock lets him really see the passage. We use a Time Timer (which has a red circle that decreases as time passes.) I also give 5/10 minute warnings before transitions. His teacher at school also started using a Time Timer at school.

2. Forgetfulness. This boy has very poor working memory. If i ask him to change his shirt, he'll go upstairs, get distracted, forget what he was suppose to do, then either plays in his room until I check on him, or comes back down with a toy but have the same shirt on. Sometimes he's embarrassed, and other times he generally can't remember if he did what he was told, assumes he must have, then gets in trouble for lying.

Visual reminders are key here. We now have signs, schedules, charts & dry erase boards everywhere. He'll still get distracted, but he can usually catch himself - he just then needs something to remind him what he should be doing, or he'll dive right back in to his distractions. So we write it down. I even use bathtub crayons on the shower wall to remind him what he needs to do while bathing.

3. Squirming & fidgeting. He needs to get it out. He can maybe hold it, but eventually it will explode. (Like having to pee.) Fidget toys, squishy toys, wobble seats all help with this, and he can focus better when he has them, like they absorb some disctractability.

We're still working out some other things. As another poster said, praise praise & more praise. His self-esteem takes a beating with all the constant correcting / discipline. So try to have twice as much praise as punishment. Though we need to keep the praise pretty calm / casual, or he seems to get overstimulated & more symptomatic. Also we keep the discipline calm, not too harsh, but immediate. And let him know ahead of time what to expect & what the consequences are.

As far as calming him down, we've been experimenting with a Take a Break station instead a time out (depending on the offense.) Just letting him find a place to calm himself. Calming glitter bottles do wonders! And I let him know it's not a time out, but just a chance for him to calm himself & he can rejoin us when he's ready.

Sorry this is so wordy! Even though most tips don't directly address hostile behavior, building self-esteem and coping skills to deal with frustrations has helped us immensely.

[Jorliss in reply to HKLinder]

I absolutely agree with you. ADHD people like me need to know you are going to do what you say you are going to do and be consistent in it. Counting to ten and saying so help me God is not going to work. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I am that kid. I am your kid.

[anirush]

When you are trying all kinds of rewards and punishments and nothing is working you know the child can't control it.

Luckily my grandsons are both stable right now and it's wonderful.

We've had to do medication adjustments, special programs at school, and a behavioral therapist. Don't lose hope. I've been through years of instability. It is so hard.

[DoodleyDukes]

I'm in a similar situation w my son exploding when he does not get his way (diagnosed w ADHD & a mood disorder; waiting confirmation from psychiatrist this week & treatment plan) but in the meantime how do you handle these outbursts? I try to talk to him calmly, validate his feelings, let him know his outburst is not the way to communicate, etc but I feel like he thinks he has the right to react this way. Feeling sad that he won"t "let me in" to what is happening so I can try to help him better

[Hidden]

Let me guess, no father figure involved in the house?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes i have his father but does not really help much always working and has a temper himself

[Pennywink in reply to Hidden]

This is me, too. It dad is slowly coming around. He has his own mental health issues, so we're easing into everything.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

His father always working is not helping you at all because your child knows you’re not the one who does the disciplining in the household and his father having a temper himself also doesn’t help because it’s showing your child that it’s cool to act and treat mom like this and act out period.

Do you try talking to your child, letting him know that you wanna know what he needs or what does he feel like is missing? Communication is easier said than done but it’s a slow and bumpy start.

[Tmom46]

The two best suggestions I was given are.. #1. Ladle on the praise (like ladling a bowl of soup). I‎t sounds silly but I started this technique with my son when he was 3 and having tantrums constantly. The trick is to find any reason to give them praise and build their self-esteem. As they feel better about themselves they’re easier to talk to in the calm moments. #2. Allow yourself to be human and let your son know how you feel when you’re frustrated. I started telling my son when I was about to explode from my own frustration. I would tell him I needed a moment. Or if I lost my temper and yelled at him, I apologize for not managing my own feelings and explain what led me to feel so upset. My son started to understand his own feelings by hearing about mine.

My son is now 13 and while we still have plenty of struggles he’s much better about calming himself and understanding how his body is reacting.

It’s a marathon not a sprint so take lots of deep breaths!!

[Hidden in reply to Tmom46]

Wow thank u so much im so going to try this when am getting fustrated with him...