having a rant!

[bodicea]

hi i just want to offload.

I feel absolutely rotten and have done for a while. i know my chrinic health problems are partially to blame. I am employed and only supposed to work part time but until December i have said i wil do extra hours. i have ended up doing full time, yes i know i should say no but i stay at work sometimes because i dont want to go home. Due to my health i have not been able to keep my house in order and i have started buying things to see if they make me feel better so now i have a house full of crap. i need to get rid of it all but i haven't the energy.

I dont get any help from anyone including my husband who seems to have taken to drinking everytime he gets home from work. he huffs and puffs like a steam train and i am so fed-up with it all.

I had a fall last week - i hurt my back and neck and i mentioned this to my docotr. No comment!!. I told him my hands were cold and numb mist of thetiem since my fall and my neck is very tight and sore. he has prescribed me prednisilone and this will just make my diabetes worse ( mind you it can't get much worse) He has also given me a high dose of a butrans patch (he gave me 5mgs to try for a month) I sit and cry in front of him and tell him how shite i feel. I have asked again and again for some help (don't want counselling - load of crap) - to no avail. I have even mentioned paying privately for CBT (it really helped me once before). I have no friends i can talk to and no relatives. Just a husband and two grown up daughters who are rather selfish.

I am feeling very low and weepy and so very alone.

Sorry about the rant but i needed to just get these feelings out and if you have read this to hear thank you you have a lot of patience . so all of you take care and be good to yourself x

[missrat]

You may be able to find CBT locally privately, or even online. As regards counselling, it depends so much on the individual counsellor. I had one who didn't help much, but two others who have been absolutely brilliant, so again it is worth investigating.

[Hidden]

Hi

Firstly I would definitely get th neck looked at in case you have done some more serious injury! It sounds as though you may have trapped a nerve but you do need someone to give your neck a proper check over, how about going to the local NHS walk in centre and saying you are still in pain and bothered, at least they will do a preliminary hands on check and suggest where to go for any further investigation, if not that will put your mind at rest.

You say you stay at work to avoid going home which suggests you have some relationship problems at home. You need to speak to your husband. My husband drank heavily for quite a long time, I chose a time when he was completely sober to say that when I married him I did not agree to take on a drunk and then asked him why he was drinking so heavily, in time we talked quite deeply and at a later date he did stop drinking completely. You don't say whether you relationship with your husband is good in other ways, but if you love him and want to keep the relationship then you both need to begin talking, and since mean tend not to start such conversations you will need to! Choose a time when he's not been drinking and try to keep really calm, tell him you're bothered about the relationship and want to sort things out between you, if you take that tack rather than being angry with him about what he's not doing you will stand more chance of him listening and opening up about why he's drinking.

If prednisolone will make your diabetes worse then perhaps it is not the best medication for you, if you did not discuss that with your GP then I would certainly do so, maybe with another GP from the same practice if you don't find yours very helpful.

It sounds as though you need some support. You say your two daughters are selfish, do they live with you and if so I hope you are not seeing to their needs. It does sound as though you put your needs to one side and may get put upon, also as though you tend to try to back away from problems, e.g. staying at work rather than going home to sort things out. In your situation I would feel furious, so good for you for having a rant, but what stops you ranting at the people you feel like ranting at? I know getting angry is not always a good move, but sometimes a calm expression of anger is really helpful.

Do try to think about what changes you want to make in your life, whether they are changes in the way you behave or in the way other people, your husband and daughters, behave. If the latter then CBT won't help in the long run and will only make you once again the patient. What would you like to be different? If you can say on the website what you want to be different then you may get advice and help for free. Do write again,

Suex