I need ur guys opinion

[cubbiez]

Hi guys this is my first post here, so for the last year, I've been questioning myself and in life in general. but I feel there is something wrong with me, but I feel dramatic every time I think this thought, so I push it away. I've been also feeling as a failure to my friends and parents and in society. I don't feel anything, I feel like I have no emotions and that just made me insecure about myself, it made me feel as if I'm not interesting to anybody. I even forced myself to try to get a hobby, but I just have no interest and I get overwhelmed. I also tried to do good in school, but I just don't have the motivation and i just quit, so i've been a failing student all the time. I also got into things that I shouldn't be getting into, because I'm still very young. but these things that i've been getting myself into is my only escape from my thoughts, and i feel more alive and more emotional. but it's ruining my relationship with my mom and dad and friends ever since I got into this stuff. It's been making me feel more alive so I kept on doing it. but i have nothing else to live for, it's literally the only way for me to feel something.

i always tell myself that this is a phase and i'll move on but it's been a year, still going through these thoughts, I've been feeling paranoid about some things, like i keep thinking someone is watching me and i feel that god is trying to lead me in somewhat way but i don't know.

my parents said the only way to escape this is to put my whole life toward god, (im muslim). So I've been trying to do that but I feel there is no hope in doing that even though they keep telling me it'll save me from everything. I also feel like I'm cursed from God in some weird way. I also think that everyone is after me. So I cut all ties with everyone except for my best friend. My dad also recently put me in homeschool, but I didn't want to be homeschooled. This kind of messed me up a little because I wasn't planning to do homeschool. I just wanted to go to a public school like a normal rteenager. but now i feel more alone than i already am, but also feel as if i deserve it because i'm a horrible person and i caused so much pain to my parents. I feel empty and have no hope for myself. I see my future is going to have more problems than what I am going through. I also feel as if I'm playing the victim. I'm probably just being dramatic about homeschooling, but I just see myself as a loner, and someone that can't handle having a social life. I also have a crush on this boy, but I feel my mom is going to ruin our relationship so I keep pushing him away even though it's breaking my heart. This made me realize that I'll never find someone, because I'll always have to push them away.

my parents have been very hard on me recently, they would call me horrible names that would just strike through my head. They also planned for me to go into a foster home, which scared me a lot. but I managed to convince them not to. so they kicked me out of the house for a few days. but I feel they still hate me. Everyone around me hates me. i thought of suicide a lot of times, but i fight through it and just out myself to sleep. I want to seek help but I'm scared I'm wasting their time. I feel as if my problems aren't big enough to seek help. I mean people went through so much worse than me .

[Lopy]

Dear CubbiezYou sound very lost right now. Don’t give up hope. You must find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. Can you talk to your doctor about this or even a neighbour who you are friends with.

You say you feel no one likes you and you feel nothing - you are obviously very low and in a dark place. You can talk to Samaritans on line or on the phone when things get bad.

You believe in God and he won’t desert you or punish you for feeling as you do You are a Muslim can you talk to your Imam? Or is there a womens group ?

Be brave and try to tell your parents how you are feeling , they only want the best for you even though right now you might not think so.

Remember you are important and you are loved it just doesn’t feel like that for you at the moment.

Lopy x

[cubbiez in reply to Lopy]

thank you Lopy, I would try to talk to someone.

[loggerslot]

Hi Cubbiez,

Firstly, you're not cursed by anyone or God. If God created all life equally then God would never wish bad on anyone. You are important to everyone who loves and cares about you so never forget that or let any other thought become bigger than that. You're not a failure and you are not letting anyone down. Please remember that. Religion is a very subjective aspect of life and I never found religion to solve my problems but that's my personal experience. All I know is that what one person goes through others will too and the experiences will be very similar if not the same.

You sound quite young and It's important to focus on yourself first. You may have heard of the saying "lets get the house in order first". That house is you from within, your wellbeing. lets get you better then afterwards focus on whats around you i.e. friends, partners, etc. Please try and reach out for help. You did the right thing coming here but we're not professionals. Please try and call the samaritans or NSPCC or your GP/doctor or walk into A and E and ensure you get the right support you need and you won't be wasting their time, they are there to help you.

finding a hobby can be daunting but I'm sure you will find something, all you need is a spark Have a look on youtube follow some videos until you find something that interests you and remember to try and push yourself to pursue it, that's key life skill. This is something you need to nurture in yourself. Everyone can give you advice here but you have to remember you are the "enabler". when you do something for the first time i.e. read something, make something it will always seem difficult at first but if you keep at it then things will eventually work out and you'll figure it out. The key is to never give in and throw in the towel early otherwise that will become the habit and you'll always do that at the first hurdle of difficulty.

Life will always be a challenge and everyone faces many challenges in their lives but you have to be brave and face these and teach yourself to never give up. When I was at school I wasn't clever but I tried and got my grades. At college 90% of my course was Mathematics (one topic I really hated) not to mention after the 1st year we have over 50% drop out because it was a hard course but I tried and passed my Diploma and then Uni and got a job. At all stages even today there's challenges and struggles but if I gave up then I've only let myself down. Recently. when i wanted to learn to do interior plaster it was so difficult and at first I felt like a failure and almost gave up but I decided I was going to pursue it and get good at it and so I did. I'm not the best but its important to teach yourself to never give up trying to be the best.

Please be strong for yourself and your wellbeing, never give up on anything. Also remember all people have struggles in life and those struggles make us wiser and stronger. If life was meant to be so easy then we'd have no wisdom to give to others.

If you need to talk further then we're all here to listen and help where we can.

[cubbiez in reply to loggerslot]

Thank you so much, this helped me a lot