Just need some help.

[LexiLee]

Hi my names Lexi and I’m 27 years old. I live in a really small town of about 800 people in the middle of South Dakota. I also have a beautiful 6 year old son who keeps me going most days. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by sharing this all with a bunch of strangers but I’m desperate to get help and not let my mental health control my life anymore.

I have suffered with substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and PTSD for most of my adult life. A lot of my PTSD and anxiety stems from my childhood molestation and a very violent rape I experienced a few years ago. I have also dealt with abuse most of my life. I have been in an out of abusive relationships and a volatile relationship with my father. I have been sober from alcohol for a year this month due to my mental health. The last time I drank I tried to commit suicide and almost succeeded. Since quitting drinking I have lost most of my friends that I had. Like I said before I live in a very small community and there isn’t really any outreach programs or support groups. My family and boyfriend don’t really understand mental health disorders or understand (or even know) about my past abuse.

My anxiety and depression have been acting up a lot lately. I started counseling and have been working on core issues. That has been bringing up a lot of suppressed memories and some really bad feelings that go along with those memories. My anxiety is debilitating at this point. Most days it’s hard for me to get out of bed or cook a meal or even do simple activities with my son.

I have always been fiercely protective over my son due to what happened to me when I was young but lately I feel as though he needs protection from me. He has noticed lately that mommy has been sad more and today I had a panic attack in front of my son. The look on his face scared me so badly. He saw me panic and hyperventilate and cry. I’ve tried to hide that side of myself from him so he wouldn’t worry or know that side of me. I just feel like a failure as a parent and that’s partially why I reached out. I can’t go on with my mental health like this. I just want to feel normal again.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

Lexi

[Hidden]

Hi LexiLee...I also live in a small town with alittle less people..so i get it.Ive also gone thru some of what u have gone thru n continue to go thru daily.

Listen..u can do this!😁 n u can have better days.Its not easy as kids r the audience but just remember ur doing it for them n urself.

We cant change our pasts ,but we can recognize our past and work on what we want for our future n find ways to get ourselves out of the daily hole with tools we learn from others.

Everyone here is great n we all help one another..so welcome aboard😁

[kenster1]

hi sorry to hear about all the awful experiences you have had to deal with have you looked into online support maybe.it must be tough living in a small town could you try get a move to a bigger town/city that could offer the support you need.i think friends should be friends if they drink or not.its obviously not ideal our kids seeing us really down we try to shield them from it the best we can but i doubt our kids would swap us for all the money in the world.said to a few people write down your true feelings even if its ten pages long and give it to a family member you trust to read it and understand the most.

[Hidden]

Hello Lexi

We live in a small village with about fifty people living Here our village is in three parts a group of six houses and a farm the other side of the village has about twenty five houses rented out by the farm so you can imagine the population mostly only stay here for a year or so when they move off to new pastures. We have no shops or pubs the nearest are five miles away or further so we have to be fond of our own company.

How long have you lived in your Village ?, Yes it can be lonely and the problem sometimes we overthink ourselves and remember many things from the past

Your course of CBT should help you move on and come to terms with the negative problems you have had in the past. Talking out your problems will also help.

BOB