im new: hii guys this is my first time here... - Above & Beyond

Above & Beyond

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im new

manny1502 profile image

hii guys this is my first time here so dont judge if the post sucks. i guess i just had to tell someone everything ive been feeling. its been six months since ive taken to cutting myself. the first time i did it was to try it out. then i couldnt stop, the high i got from doing the pain, the scars. i dont know why but i like seeing the scars, most people would say that it reminds them of their mistakes but for me i like seeing it. i guess the reason i starting was hoping that people would care about me. the main reason i did was to get attention. but when i told my friend and she freaked out, i didnt want that kind of attention. but i still continued to tell her, because i liked the feeling that i felt when she would tell me something. then it got over bearing, she started to get angry at me and i felt bad for making her listen. so now i stopped telling her but she sees the cuts and the she'll get angry again. but the last two i did i havent told her about. another thing is the thoughts ive beening getting. ive been having sucidal thoughts for the past week. like i feel like it'll be easier to just leave. but there are group of people who are keeping me here but i feel like they wont know if im here or not. so why can i just leave? the main question i wanted to ask if something is wrong with me, because my sister has been insisting that i see a psychologist but i dont want to go. because there is nothing wrong with, right?

2 Replies

I wanna tell you something. The way I see it, never give objects the power to hurt you. Instead whenever you want to cut, take a marker and draw designs with it instead. It's therapeutic and I hope it helps. Also, trust me, if things have gotten better in the past, there's no reason they shouldn't get better now. God always has something good planned for us. Think about it this way. God made you for a reason. You could've been a miscarriage, a stillborn or born with disabilities. But you were made to be a revolution. You were made to end the pain, even if it's just in yourself. And you were made to inspire others so one day they will thank YOU for saving them and making them see the light. You are an amazing person. Let no knife or suicidal thoughts dictate that.

thank you for the advice, you dont know how much i needed it

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