I'm new here and I have a question I hope you can help me with.
I feel down a lot these past weeks, but I also have a lot of ups. So you could say I have a lot of mood swings. It's like one moment I'm happy and laughing, but the next all I want to do is cry. Now, I'm really down and feel empty. I have a great life, and I'm really priviliged, but I feel empty, I don't know how to explain it very well, it's like I know I have all that I need and could possibly want, but I'm just not happy, and feel like I have got nothing (if that makes sense).
I have trouble falling asleep at night and the only way I do fall asleep (kind of) fast is by reading so much that my eyes are extremely tired, otherwise I just lay awake for several hours. Because of this I am tired all day, while all of my friends seem to have loads of energy.
I can't concentrate on daily tasks, so homework takes way longer and studying too. I also just don't have any motivation at all to do these tasks, so I don't do them and feel guilty or sad because of it.
I also have a lot of hobbies, but I just don't feel like doing them. I like drawing, but I've stopped a couple of weeks ago, because I just didn't feel like doing it. I also play the violin and I just never practise because 'I'm too tired' or 'I don't want to'.
Because I don't feel happy I try to become happy by buying stuff like make-up, notebooks or clothes, they make me happy for an hour or so, but after that I just feel guilty that I spent all of that money and I feel sad again.
I just feel like every week is the same and that every day is the same, and I just don't enjoy it.
I'm also very stressed all the time for stupid and silly things. Sometimes I start to breath in a strange way because of tests or homework, while my friends aren't that stressed. I just hate the feeling of being stresses about everything.
As I say, sometimes I feel like this, but sometimes I am happy. I don't really understand this and I wondered if any of you know what this is? I think I should also say I'm in puberty so if these are just hormones or something like that, please tell me.
Thanks for reading this <3