I think i might have some mental issues.

[HannaH834]

Hi everyone, i hope you're having a great day.

So since long ago, sometimes i would have some specific thoughts poping in my head which are pretty horrible apparently but i just didn't notice how horrible they were until i told a couple of my friends about them.

Here's why i think something might be wrong with me.

My mom got into a car accident a year ago and was about to die and everyone were going crazy but i on the other hand couldn't feel a thing! All i could think about at that moment was "if mom dies, do i have to do all the housework? Do i have to take care of dad?"

I know it's cruel and whatnot but i couldn't help it!

Couple of months later, a close friend of mine got hit by a car right in front my eyes and since i was the only person with her, i ofcourse called the ambulance and since i saw some people helping her out, i ran to my university to call some of our other friends to come help out but as i reached the floor our friends were on, i sort of blanked out and acted like nothing has happend.

The reason i did that was because i had an exam that day and the thought of missing that exam because of this girl was just unacceptable to me.

So i didn't do anything about my friend and went in, finished the test and after the test the girl's boyfriend asked me to go with him to the hospital but i just acted like i couldn't handle seeing blood and stuff and went home since i was tired.

Again, i couldn't feel a thing.

There is this girl, she's my best friend and i liked her more than that for sometime but then my feelings disappeared after a couple of weeks but that's not the problem.

Lately, there are some heavy earthquakes happening in my country and a few days ago, the earthquake finally happend in my city.

Now wishing your family and your best friend dying in the earthquake is most definitely not normal but when i was calling these people, i was just wishing none of them would answer their phones.

Now, aside from these, i've been doing some stuff that can count as self harm but to me, they really aren't.

Like i jacked up my eyesight because i love glasses and i'm not regretting it.

Do you think something is wrong with me or what?

[Hidden]

Hello Hannah H834 and welcome to our supportive Community.

Could you confirm your age please then we will try and help you. Thank you,

Lottie

[HannaH834 in reply to Hidden]

I'm 19, turning 20 in 5 months

[2stroke]

What medication, if any, are you on??

[HannaH834 in reply to 2stroke]

I don't use any kind of medication or any kind of legal/illegal substance

[Natsteveo]

Hi HannaH834

we are wired in such a way that our personal life doesn't get mixed. It is usually because doing something different like doing your test becomes our escape route from reality. It is normal. It's a defence mechanism.

What you are going through is very harsh,and what you have been through is highly distressing and you're probably feeling apathy. Do you feel like you lack emotions you usually have, like passion, concern, motivation? Then, that's it. It's like you react by emotional numbing this is normal everyone person reacts totally different some people would be a complete mess but you decided to keep yourself occupied.

Me personally think you should visit a doctor because I think you panic in emotional and stressful situations so you turn the opposite direction and do something else to take you away from that..

But I cannot diagnose you darling this is typical depression and anxiety maybe your doctor could give you some tablets they do calm you down.. you may need them just for a little while till you start to feel a little more relaxed.

Hope this helps

Nat x

[HannaH834 in reply to Natsteveo]

I hope that it's actually that simple because i've been numb to emotions for way too long even in really normal situations (i believe since i was nine)

Also i don't thik i can actually visit a doctor anytime soon since my parents don't actually like the idea of sending me to a psychiatrist and stuff

Still, thank you for pointing this out, i never thought of it this way

[Natsteveo]

Just take your time do what you think is right for you I know familys dont like the ideas that we may need medication or we may have depression or that yeh you may need psychiatric help but its not them who feel like you do and they are not feeling the way you do none of my family have ever had any kind on mental illness or breakdown ever had anti depressants councilling or would never even speak of a psychiatric help but I have and still recieve it all without them I would of had a huge breakdown and probably be 10 times worse its not that your weaker infact means were Stronger because we can take it and deal with it thw best way we can just do whats best for u

Enjoy Christmas

Love nat xxx