No sex drive

[kane18]

Hello im writing on here in hopes someone can help me. My girlfriend suffers from depression and its gotten really quit bad over the last 6ish months when she lost her first job and ever since then shes had no desire to be physical with me in anyway, we do still have sex but its maybe one or twice a month at a push. we are only 18 so it isnt right that we have sex as little as this , we have talked about it but it doesnt seem to help nad she wont go to the doctors because they'll just give her anti-deppresants and she believes that they dont work .Im hoping someone can give me some advice to help her and get our sex lives back.

thanks

[OppositeGlass]

I have not experience this kind of thing so don't judge me. My best guess is that you have mentally become attached to sex. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but it does have its consequences, not that you have anything to worry about. I would guess your feeling a withdrawal from sex with your partner and that bother you. Also that your partner has showed greater concern for your needs but it seems that you ignored hers and that could be a bit bothering. For example like you only have sex twice a month. I would recommend encouragement, self-motivation talk, a bit of romance ( not sex ) and spoil her. Maybe it will work , maybe it want. I'm not a expert at these things but give it try.

[ToLiveLikeWeRDying in reply to OppositeGlass]

You're only 18 if you can't actually be there for her and connect then move on. For some getting in the mood means stimulating their mind or slowly creating intimacy without sex. Maybe you're only reinforcing her bad feelings and making her feel inadequate in the relationship. Sex is important in a relationship but you're two different ppl and you gotta compromise. Don't let it get to the point where you might cheat. Don't be afraid to let go or take a break.

[Hidden]

Hello Kane and welcome to our friendly and supportive community.

I am sorry to hear that you feel you are experiencing sexual problems in your relationship. You explain that your girlfriend suffers with depression and this has become quite bad for the last six months following the loss of her first job. Both these factors may have affected her confidence and self esteem. Depression can also affect libido, cause tiredness, withdrawal from social and intimate interaction as well as reduce motivation.

I would recommend your girlfriend makes an appointment to see her GP to tell him/her how she is feeling. Perhaps you could go with her, or maybe she would prefer to go on her own or with a close friend. There are very effective anti-depressants or perhaps some form of counselling may suit your girlfriend. Her GP is the best person to advise her.

In the meantime you need to talk openly and honestly about the expectations you each have in respect of your relationship. Your girlfriend is likely to be able to handle only a small amount of pressure at the moment.

I wish you both well and please let us know how you get on.

Lottie

[Darren1977]

Hiya.. Now, I'm afraid you may not like my response but this is the way I see it... First of all, age shouldn't factor in what you believe the frequency should be. Secondly, do you really care about your gf? She went through a major trauma and this seemingly triggered something that unlocked her depression cabinet (we all have one). She's not broken and medication should be a very last resort if other things fail. You need to get to the cause as it stands. Has she now got another job or still looking, does she miss her old job/dislike her new one? You said you've spoken about it but did you ask the right questions and listen or was it just focused on the sex? Your gf needs support not pressure. Don't be selfish, let her know you're there for her when/if she needs you and she can talk to you honestly. You're probably adding to her mood if she feels she's not being enough for you. It's hard but if you care about someone, put them first.