Hi, I just joined because I noticed there were a lot of people asking and feeling the same way I am at the moment.
I'm 16, and for the past few months I've just been so sad and I really don't know why. I feel like I have nothing to complain about, but I just feel so down.
I feel like a lot of my close friendships are aren't what they used to be and that I'm pushing everyone away but I just really don't want to talk to people. When I'm with my friends I'll talk and have a laugh, but I'm never necessarily happy.
During the school holidays I never wanted to leave the house. I found myself making excuses to not go out with friends and end up just staying in my room. I just feel so unmotivated, both at home and at school. I used to be really good at school and in my classes, but recently I've been having this real lack of motivation when it comes to studying and completing home work. Most of the time I don't do anything, but end up regretting it later. I get to the stage where I am like 'well I'm going to fail anyway so whats the point of trying."
I also get the sense that my eating could be an issue. I have always hated my body and I go through stages where I won't eat anything, then I'll binge on food, think I look disgusting and fat only to starve myself and binge all over again. I've tried multiple times to eat healthy and exercise but it only lasts about a week- if that- before I return back to my unhealthy habits. I'm constantly estimating calories in my head then hating myself when I know I've eaten too much. I feel as though I'm always at a loss.
Recently, I have been contemplating whether life is worth it. I know its so stupid to contemplate suicide, and I know that deep down I would never do it, but I always wonder whether people would care. I wonder whether people would be sad for maybe a month, but eventually I would just become a vague memory that would hardly be remembered by many, so what's the point? This is something I also wonder. What really is the point? I don't see myself doing anything great or fantastic, with no motivation to do well I don't think I'll be getting into any great universities. I'm shy and awkward and find it difficult to make new friends, so how am I going to cope with change?
This has become more of a self rant, but I guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do. I don't want to be sad and I don't want to hate how I look, I want to be confident and I want to excel in my studies but all I want to do is be left alone in my room all day.