*I'm new* I'm new and I just need to talk...

[cymro1]

Hey, so I'm new here. I never actually thought I'd be using a site like this, but hey, here I am. I just need to get everything off my chest... My parents aren't the easiest of people to talk to, and I don't feel like I can talk to my friends without them judging me or talking about me behind my back (not maliciously). So here I'm anonymous, so it's going to be a bit easier.

For the past year I've been feeling the lowest I've ever felt, however I just put it down to stress due to it being my final year in university, and the fact that I'd soon be living in the real world. However it got to Christmas time and I met someone at work and they made me feel the happiest I'd ever felt (As cheesy as it sounds I honestly think they were my soulmate). We soon became very good friends in work and outside, staying up to the early mornings texting each other, although we would be in work for the whole day with each other the next day. (We were working on a show for two months, so we literally saw each other every day for practically two months straight) People in work soon picked up on our friendly relationship asking if we were a couple/ telling us we should be a couple and I can see why... We were inseparable, constantly flirting etc. I told her how I felt and she politely told me she didn't feel the same, however nothing changed between us. After the run of the show finished we kept in very close contact, going out with each other at least once a week, spontaneous trips to the beach, late night coffee. This person literally put me on cloud nine. It soon set in that I was well and truly friend zoned. But I was somehow ok with that. Seeing them, talking to them made me feel happy and I guess I couldn't let that go.

Before finishing University I was offered a Job in Londons' WestEnd, and I thought that would make me happy, as I no longer had the stress of trying to look for work, place to live etc. However, this is my third week, and although I like the job I feel worse than ever before. Although I've moved to the busiest city in the UK, with the most life going on in it day in day out, I still find myself when I'm not in work sat in my room, with the door closed. Hoping for a text or a phone call.

I'd say about 4/7 days a week I cry for a good couple of hours. Growing up, I was told boys don't cry and this has been drilled in so hard that I believe it and just don't know who to turn to.

For the previous 4/5 months I've been drinking in the hope that everything will be better.

I've never felt so hopeless and unimportant in my life, and I just don't know what to do.

I'm writing this in the hope that maybe someone has or is going through a similar thing and can shed some light on what they did or are doing to make themselves feel a bit happier.

Thank You

[gbennett]

The ideas that boys don't cry is complete bullshit, I believe they call it 'toxic masculinity'. You should never feel ashamed about your feelings, especially if they are negative feelings you can not necessarily control.

I would advise kicking the drinking habit, I know it's realise easy to drink your problems away. Unfortunately something I am accustomed to as well.

Not to say the same as everyone else, but I would advise talking to people about your feelings (family or friends that may understand) and taking up regular exercise. Also, what makes you feel good? Figure it out and make yourself do things that make you happy.

I won't explain my situation, but I believe it is quite similar to yours, or at least the feelings are, so I really empathise with you. Hope you feel better soon, and best of luck for the future.

[starangel]

Try to remember to take One Day At A Time. You're young. With so much of life ahead. Maybe look for the things to Be Grateful for.