No purpose

Everyday I wake up, waiting for the day to come to an end. I hate the way i look, i feel lonely, even though i have my own loving family. Daily a thoughts of regrets are pouring in and I can't make them go away. I feel like an empty shell just breathing and functioning through the day as it's my duty as a wife and mother. I cry all the time and wish my life was different. Yet I can't do nothing because of my circumstance. I am so stuck. Ive tried to escape before and it ended in an affair which I'm not proud of. I don't know what the fuck i am anymore.

I feel like everything would be easier if i was gone but I would never commit suicide as first of all i don't have the balls to and second of all i am too responsible to abandon my husband and leave him with a constantly demanding, tantrum throwing whining child. I could not do that to him.

I am so fucking lost, I can't comprehend why i am still breathing.

3 Replies

  • I have all the same symptoms as you and I also have no idea what to do. I think I'm depressed but I don't want to see a doctor because I would have to ask my mum and that would make me feel uncomfortable but also because I don't want anyone to know I'm seeing anyone about anything. I don't know what to do and I've ended up in a stupid cycle that I can't get myself out of.

  • That is very sad and I am so sorry for you. I can understand your feelings. I have them myself. I have no purpose, what the fuck am I doing with this life, I do nothing, everything is pointless.

    Please try to do things you like for you. MAKE YOURSELF DO THINGS. Someone on here said that depression switches the motivation and doing. You have to do to feel motivated and I think that is true. Also someone said, "Find something physically demanding that you find useful" and I think that's good advice.

    I am anti-social. I'm introverted and (too??) introspective but I am forcing myself out. I am meeting up with new people to get out of my own head. I don't want to go out, I don't want to meet people, I don't want to leave my house and get out of my jammies but I am making myself do it. You must force yourself to do things. I love yoga. I have made myself go to a class. I'm signing up for meetup groups to go do different shit with different people.

    Action. You must action things. Do. Move. You must. I have been feeling better lately and that makes me think you can too. My worst point was wishing I were dead. I was always a lover a life and that was a smack in the face. I've thought of all kinds of suicidal things but I think (hope) that there is more happiness to be had in this world. It's a big world and there are millions of options...That's my thought...There HAS to be something out there that will give me joy, right?!? I must hope.

    Please try. Even if you are being robotic about it, keep doing it.

    Some of this crap may sound cliche (hope-I kinda hate the concept of hope) but it's helped me lately. I'm doing things. Do things for you. Take action. Move.

    I wish you the best.

  • That response was to myownenemy. But perhaps it could go for you too, malaikasb.

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