Am I depressed or does my life need to change?

[Strawberry_shortcake]

Ok so I went through something traumatic last summer I was tricked into calling the police on my father who used to brutally hit Me he abused me mentally and physically and my mum never stood up forme till the end she started to sort of stand up for me when me dad almost killed me but it was too late.

so I reported him and this girl told me to do it we were highschool friends and we stayed in touch she lied to me and told me that if I reported my father I can go live outside London with her and I'd get an apartment there and live alone ( which by the way when I did go up there she never visited me I spent many nights in a youth home alone when I'd ask her to come visit she's laugh and say she'd never step foot there ) and I can study there mean while she lived with her dad.

She said she was doing all this to help me but at the same time she would say things like I can't wait for you to live up here you can help me loose weight we can go gym together you can teach me how to dress and your"so social" "everybody likes you" "your so beautiful your going to be so popular" "you can teach me all the things about you" I felt like an experiment to her and it was too late to go back as I already reported my dad.

While hearing that my dad was arrested​ my mum cried alot like alot shed call me and tell me to get home and that she missed me Nd my dad missed me too. I had no comfort the girl would tell me to stop being sad or stop acting like a baby all summer I did not cry once my emotions were gone.

Ok so eventually I returned​ home after a month of summer.

Ever since I came back I haven't spoken about it or told anyone what I went through now I've forgotten who I am I've become quite less social and everything around me so so boring I'm not depressed I smile Nd laugh but the traffic thing is that I don't enjoy the things I used to I've become a complete new person I have no motivation and I was known for someone who took pride in her appearance now I look a mess even when I try sometimes I don't recognise myself if the mirror. I used to be so.confident and outspoken.

I don't know what wrong with me

I'm sorry for my grammar I was never good in school.

[Gingerokda]

Hello,

You say you haven't told anyone but you've taken a big step n coming on here! So that's amazing!

I'm incredibly sorry to hear what you've been through I can't even imagine it. As for your 'friend' I think the best thing to do is slowly remove her from your life. As for you appearance you have been through a lot so the way you look will probably subconsciously not at the top of your list. Something you could try is prepare outfits for a couple of days ahead or maybe wear whatever it is you are now an maybe add a small accessory or pin or belt. Do not jump straight back into what you used to wear. Just start small.

I hope this helps and I honestly hope you are doing okay

[Strawberry_shortcake in reply to Gingerokda]

hi, yeah me and the girl are not together anymore honestly I have lost all my friends I have absolutely no one and my anxiety has gotten worse. my college are able to read my messages which has given me worse anxiety I feel stupid I feel like I'm being judged like I'm under a microscope being controlled I cant deal with this anymore I just want to die.

[Gingerokda in reply to Strawberry_shortcake]

I know excatly how you feel, but you have to remember some people do not understand. Maybe look at going through your go to help and look at joining a club not at your school. That might be a main problem, it was for me. Honestly go to gp even if you can't tell whoever your living with go, or look for health clinics near you that are for young people. You do not need to feel this way at all. Also do you enjoy writing or drawing? If you do any time you feel down write it down or drawn what your feeling

[Strawberry_shortcake in reply to Gingerokda]

Yeah I like writing alot I've been writing lately I have seen a change but I'm still pretty stressed and anxious and thankyou ❤ I'm too old to join a club I'm already 18