One or the over

[bad_in-my_head]

So I'm new to this but would like to know your opinion

I fight with my friends and family over if I'm good enough or not

All my life people tell me 'it dose not matter what over people think about you, what matters is what you think know about yourself so don't listen to anyone else' but on the over hand as soon as I say I want to be better as a person or im not good enough im in the wrong

What am i ment to do give up trying to be better and live with hating not being good enough?

[anon81]

I just made an account to reply to this.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to "improve yourself" and become a better person. However what you need to understand is that wanting to better yourself doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you now.

I understand how you feel as I often feel the same and it is an easy trap to fall into. You don't feel that you are good enough for whatever reason and that doing X, Y or Z will make you better. Then you do X, Y or Z and it doesn't quite work right or you still feel the same so you feel even worse about yourself so do A, B or C to try and feel better but its just a vicious circle.

The hard part to come to grips is to be happy with who you are now and understand that you don't really want to "improve" yourself, you want to "add" to yourself. Also don't get into beating yourself up over things that don't quite turn out to plan. I struggled with this for a long, long time. If I messed up I would blame myself for ages and dwell on it. This then clouded everything else in my life and made me make even more mistakes which made me feel worse (another vicious circle). In reality even the bad things that happen can end up helping you later in life.

Sorry for sounding a bit like a motivation picture but make sure you concentrate on taking the positive aspects out of every situation and forgetting the negatives.

Everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect. Reflect on things that don't quite go right but don't dwell on them and put the past in the past. Don't think "I'm not good enough I need to improve myself" and instead think "I'm not a bad person and I would like to add to myself". If you try something and fail concentrate on the fact that at least you tried and you might have got more out of it than you thought.

A brief personal example. I really wanted to learn to play guitar many years ago. I sucked at it, found it super hard and never could get my hands to move properly after months of trying. I could look back on that and think "I failed, I couldn't do it, I'm not good enough". Instead I look back and think of the people I talked to about it when I was learning, the new friends I made through it and the knowledge that I gained (I learnt about scales, how to read tab, etc, etc). I didn't "improve" myself by learning to play guitar like I originally wanted but I did "add" to myself by making new friends, learning new things and having a laugh while being really bad at something.