Advice needed

Any advice, my wife has been taking anti depressants for a couple of years for pain relief. I thought over that time she had become depressed. She refuses to see our grandson due to a text from our daughter in law which resulted in large scale fallout within the family. She believes our children have taken sides with our daughter in law and has cut ties and refuses to speak to anyone. She gets extremely upset when I see our grandson as she thinks I am taking sides. She has recently had her medication for pain relief stopped and given tablets for depression by her doctor. I don't know how to support her, if I try to explain I am not taking sides we end up not speaking for days, she insists all the problems are caused by our daughter in laws text which I agree with but our daughter in law insists that the text was misunderstood. I don't know if the text was meant or misunderstood and don't want to make a judgement without proof. How do I help her? Do I try to resolve things with our children which at this time she refuses to consider or do I wait and hope the medication she has been given helps her to see the only way to get by is cut all contact. Is there advice available for how to help someone who's on medication, do I confront the problem or do I sit back and let things take its course?

4 Replies

  • Depression is a really difficult thing to live with - both sides.

    I'd personally recommend not pushing things, on either side but just letting your wife now that you are there if she needs to talk AND you are there if she doesn't want to talk.

    Is she still suffering a lot of pain?

  • Hi there, time will heal family relations so don't try to worry too much about it. concentrate on her, ask her how she is and what she is thinking and if she'd like to talk about it. She seems under alot of stress due to the pain or the test msg. ask the doc what can be done about the pain, if it can be treated or if there is medication she can take to relieve it but make sure you confirm with the doc that any extra medication does not affect her anti depressants.

    try to concentrate her thoughts away from family onto positive things, maybe do a crossword with her but don't get frustrated with her at any point, impress her with your cooking? the idea is to try and reduce the stress. if it doesn't cause her too much pain you could perhaps take her out for a walk.

    if you are able to talk to your children away from her then you could ask them to understand what she is going through, maybe leaflets on depression will help them understand.

    I'm sure as a mother she will eventually miss her children so watch out for any tell tail signs but at the moment it would be too premature for that or to ask her if she does miss them. the happy environment will eventually help her.

  • i have posted a few number on here perhaps there is one that could help you

    most of us are not qualified to help with depression all we can do is love and support them ....families can be very hard on each other but your grandson is paying the price here he will want to see his nan just as much as he does you so good on you for sticking to your guns with that and perhaps having the grandson at your house where ahe can see him may help

  • Whatever was in the text message has deeply disturbed your wife. Your continued reassurances of love and loyalty and listening ear will help so don't give up. Perhaps your daughter in law might like to write a card to your wife, cordially inviting her to meet on neutral ground (the park?), no distractions, no others around to watch and speculate... This important private meeting might allow both of them to speak their minds, be angry for a while, express their hurts or annoyances, find some common ground, accept and forgive. No witnesses, no sides please. Daughter in law, being the text sender and also the younger woman in the family, needs to initiate this courtesy, it is in her power. Good luck.

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