Depression?

[Starlight93]

I've always felt down since I can remember. I haven't had the best upbringing and have never really got along with my Mum. She kicked me out when I was 16 so I ended up in a hostel. I have a daughter who is 2 1/2 and a son who is 7 weeks old. My partner has gone back to work and I struggle to cope. If they both cry I break down and cannot cope. Every few days I wonder why I'm here and believe my partner and kids are better off without me. I don't trust my partner and constantly tell him he can do better. I hate the way I look and cry daily about it which effects every day life. I don't like going out in public because I feel scared and paranoid that people are constantly judging me. My partner has told me for ages now to get help and I don't know where to start I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him or my children

[vastopensky]

hi, how brave of you to find somewhere where you can be honest about how things are. This is a really positive first step towards reaching out for help. It does sound to be like you've got depression, but I'm not a professional and I don't have all the resources a professional would have to help you sort things out. It's important that you seek help before it gets to crisis point because if you leave it that late you might find that your worst fears nearly come true... so for the sake of your children and your partner and for yourself seek help sooner rather than later.

In my experience professionals are kind and helpful, they respect the courage that it takes to ask for help and they are supportive. If however you find that the person you approach is less than kind and caring then do seek a second opinion as soon as possible... it's your right. Professionals can and do get it wrong from time to time.

When you go take with you a list of all the symptoms that you are observing in your self and any your partner sees. Take a copy of what you wrote above and any other details too. Try seeing a GP or even your health visitor/midwife/equivalent.

When you book the appointment ask for a double appointment so that you've got plenty of time to talk things through with whomever you see. Have a think about whether you want to go down the medication route or if you want to try some alternative therapies first make sure you ask what is offered by your GP's surgery.

Also try contacting your local MIND or perhaps even a parenting group for support... there will be others who struggle with their children too... it can be very tough as a parent of two young children, a group might help you find others who are in a similar place to you and you might be able to swap tips about how to cope. The people at MIND or Mental Health Rethink will be able to offer you some things that could give you the support you need at this time, some opportunities to make friends, some activity groups for you to participate in a place where there are people you know will understand and help.

Do please take your courage in two hands and try telling a few people how things really are at the moment... remind yourself that this is just something you are passing through now and that you need the help now, but it won't be like this for ever... having poor mental health is something that with support people recover from... but reach out and grab that support while its there and before some thing really scary does happen.

I hope that it all goes well, pop back and tell us how you got on if you like... if it helps to have us around. K