I'll try to keep this under 70,000 words. I would like to request help, if one is willing - or I am not even sure if I can be helped.
I was on here for a while, but left when I could not meet my own expectations for weight loss - and I am terrified of promising to try and being less than perfect. I am an all-or-nothing character with impossible expectations. I tend to have beaten myself up and put myself off before I even start or try. To post this was difficult for me. But I really must find a way to lose some weight if I am ever to attain any form of long-term health.
I have a real issue with recipes. I am extremely fussy (autistic) eating habits, being quite literally terrified of new things. I also have zero confidence in my cooking ability and find most recipes don't explain how to do the sides. I also have a complicated set of allergies that tends to mean most recipes have at least one ineligible ingredient. Finding any workable recipe tends to be a nightmare.
I also have a fairly severe and long-standing depression. I find it near impossible to be hopeful or accept a compliment. I also (wish I could type this in tiny lessons) drink far too mich, which will probably scupper any diet attempt before it starts. Sadly, I have become quite dependant. I find it incredibly difficult to get through the evening without it - my life is quite literally empty and meaningless.
On the plus side I am mostly having some sort of breakfast and (big change from last time) now my own kitchen with freezer (hurrah!) - except they're not really being used.
Do I even try? The task feels impossible, insurmountable, gargantuan. Do I need to take other things out of equation first? I find all the issues are mixed up with each other, with each influencing the othere, and I'm just spinning with no idea where to even start. Any advice, or just listening to my pathetic dribble rant, would be gratefully appreciated. I'm sorry if the above didn't really make coherent sense. I feel I really am in a terrible internal mental conflict.
Thank you for reading this, even if you do not comment.
Written by
Lofters
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
First step done - your back in here, a supportive environment.
The next lot of steps are only my thoughts, may or may not help. I did a total of ten in the hopes even just one might help you.
Second step - as much as you may hate it, if you’ve identified drink as a issue for you and it links directly to you mood you need to chat to a professional about it. Whether that’s AA, your GP, or a charity.
Third step - start small. I have various actual reasons, some excuses and a mind set that keeps changing that has affect my weight. My first goal is far to little for a lot of people, but for me I feel it’s achievable and once confident I can up it. And that is at my lunch break go for a 30 minute walk instead of eating at my desk. My goal on “Map my Walk” is 2 hrs 30 mins a week. That’s recorded walk, at a pace that is above a stroll.
Forth Step - slow cooker (if you have one), years ago I couldn’t cook, didn’t have any confidence and that meant I ate a lot of junk. Someone brought me a slow cooker and that changed my relationship in the kitchen. No cooking skills required but a yummy meal at the end of it! Chuck it all in and leave it to do it’s thing.
Fifth Step - find a site that works for you when it comes to recipes. Something really simple. For me I use the NHS Smart Recipe App - I’ve only used it now for 3 weeks but really enjoyed using it so far, I’ve ended up doing meal prepping which I never thought I would do.
Sixth Step - be kind to yourself. Depression is a very serious illness, and being kind to yourself is far easier said than done. But it could be a long soak in the bath, reading a book on your own, watching something you really want to watch.
Seventh Step - don’t feel alone, there is literally thousands of us on here, so if you don’t agree with someone’s opinion then there’s always someone else’s. It also hopefully means someone will always be able to answer your post.
Eighth Step - embrace your Autistic eating habits rather than fight them. Slowly introduce different textures, or flavours. Eating shouldn’t be stressful and trying to change your habits at once will stress you out and cause more problems down the line.
Ninth Step - Always try, don’t think about “good” foods or “bad” foods because then you’ll feel guilty eating something you class as a bad food. There’s some quite good food diary posts on here which could help (personally I don’t find them helpful but I know lots of people on here do)
Tenth Step - ranting isn’t a bad thing, it doesn’t have to make sense, if you can get it written down quite often you can sort it out. I’ve actually started writing a blog (it’s public but don’t think there’s any followers) for the sole purpose of getting my thoughts out, it helps me sleep a bit better, and it helps me work out what all the thoughts in my head are actually trying to say
As purpleshoes2 has just said, you've already made the first big positive move by coming here and providing a detailed explanation of your situation.
Like many of us that come here, being overweight may only be a symptom of other difficulties we have in our lives.
Rather than look at everything you feel needs to be overcome, try picking on one thing at a time as the rest of our life isn't a sprint. Even then, each task can be broken down into smaller tasks. There are no time scales and like any journey, it will be achieved by small steps.
From my own experience, I identified a year ago that I have a problem with negativity so I found a number of websites on dealing with that and I gradually work at it. For each 'issue' that we have, there is so much help online and locally. You are not alone and there is nearly always a way forward.
Already good news that you've changed to having a breakfast. Another positive step.
Keep coming here regularly and it will definitely help retain your focus.
I think if you can try to change one thing at a time you might find it easier to stick to. That could be daily, weekly or monthly, depending on what you feel is achievable. Something like going for a short walk each day or adding a new food item your diet each week. If you aim for small steps then you’re more likely to meet your goals. All the best.
Great your back on here Lofters & taken the first step it’s also good to express your feelings & try to get some support on here. You can always go onto What’s Happening today to touch base regularly or when you feel like it. Your right with the alcohol it will hinder your weight loss & maybe make you eat more, it does with me. Some good advice from previous replies purpleshoes2 suggest maybe go to docs or AA for some support & you’ve taken first steps recogising this. I have also come across some good basic children’s cookery books with step by step pictures to follow Maybe you could get from a library to have a try. Good advice from MrEe too. My advice is to take one day at a time there’s always a new one coming to try again and take small steps dealing with one thing at a time. I’ve taken to having a herbal tea & try to read a little of my book each night. Good luck & hope to hear from you soon on here. 👍🏻
I'm sorry to hear that you're still being plagued with so many issues and I hope that we'll be able to help you overcome them.
I think we need to take a step-by-step approach, so that you don't get totally overwhelmed and unable to continue again.
Let's start with some meals, so you are not here to lose weight, as that will set you off on the same foot, you're only here to find some healthy meals that you can cook and enjoy - one at a time!
We'll need a list of all your likes and dislikes and we'll take it from there.
If alcohol is a big problem for you, could you approach your GP for assistance?
Things have changed a bit since you were last here, so to refresh your memory and Follow this link to our chat thread and a list of all the activities we run. We've found active participation to be key to success, especially with our weigh-ins.
I admire your honesty - but I think there are a lot of small changes you could make over the next year that would really benefit you. The alcohol is probably the one you want to tackle first. Dry January has now become quite a big thing - not suggesting you go cold turkey, but maybe try a Dry-ish Jan? This is one of the times of year where you will get a lot of support and people in the same boat as you trying the same thing. I'm doing it this year to support a friend and it will probably turn in to dry February and March too. I have alcohol dependency problems in my immediate family, so I am well aware of the negative health implications and the difficulty in cutting down, but it will make such a difference to your energy levels and wellbeing.
If you can get to the end of January and see how you feel, then you can maybe continue working on it for February, or make another small tweak to something else?
And just thinking about recipes, I hate faffy recipes too - multiple/random ingredients really put me off. I have found two things helpful - I like the Hairy Bikers recipe and some of them are really simple, but tasty and last year when I had a bit of cash, I used Hello Fresh meal delivery boxes. They send you a box each week with the ingredients pre-packaged and a recipe leaflet. I find the recipes to be very clear and the food is delicious. You have a certain amount of control over the meals too, but I found myself eating some meals I would never have considered and I have found myself trying more veggie and bean based meals over the last years - I'm not autistic, but I have a pathological fear of beans, which I fully realise is a bit mad, as when I try different ones, I tend to really like them. It must come from my childhood somewhere! If you get a recipe that you can't work with - come on to the daily diary and ask people to suggest an alternative ingredient - you'll soon be back on track.
I wish you luck with this - you've taken the hardest step.
Welcome lofters and thank you for such a clear explanation of your challenges.
My first piece of advice is to KEEP IT SIMPLE!
So a simple nutritious breakfast and lunch.
A bowl of porridge with an apple for breakfast , maybe a chicken salad for lunch and a baked potato with tuna and sweetcorn for supper. There's all the nutrition you need without making it complicated.
Maybe try a recipe once a week. Make a list and buy the ingredients and follow the instructions. A one pot meal is easy.
Please see this as an adventure where you'll learn and make mistakes, but the focus at all times is on your health.
So a little fresh air every day is good for body and mind.
Changing one habit at a time will lead to great results.
As for drinking in the evening, I suggest you set a later starting time and then have just one glass and really enjoy it.
There's no need to be all or nothing... And there's no place at all for punishment or deprivation.
I just wanted to Welcome you back. I remember you, and it's good to know you're ok, and I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year, and success with your goals and aspirations for the year ahead.
I don't do recipes . I didn't do them before either . I just eat less and modify my eating . I don't do 'diets ' . I think what's good and be careful not to overload my plate . Keep it simple . I eat a lazy diet including tinned tuna and pots of cottage cheese which is instant food . I am not going for complex faddy foods . Think what do I eat now . What do I enjoy ? The alcohol maybe needs professional advice but start yourself by cutting down . Even half a bottle less in small steps . As you achieve you will gain confidence as I found getting dressed in a morning was a lot harder than it is now both physically and mentally .
Last year following surgery for a mainly weight related condition I couldn't get any lower . I don't usually cast any votes for a slimming club but my sister enjoys the company and has made friends . Some are run in the afternoons if you don't like the idea of evening sessions . Talking / meeting those who maybe like you have other issues - we are not alone, may help .
Thanks for sharing your story as this is a step forward . It takes effort and thought to actually think / plan what you feel . I use this site for company , letting off steam and browsing for tips / advise / reassurance .
It has worked for me but last year I was a version of you feeling isolated although I had family I felt only I had as problem but reading stories here - before , during and maintaining made me fell if they can , I can .
Start small , keep posting and let us know the bad and the good .
HI Lofters, I joined this month too so we are taking this journey together. I have depression too so can relate to some of what you say.
I would agree with the advice other members have given about seeking professional or specialist support for depression and alcohol problems, be persistent as different things help different people.
On the bright side - some things you do to tackle one challenge will help combat the others, for example some people find exercise helps both mood and weight loss and tackling alcohol consumption will help with weight loss.
To build your confidence in cooking you could look for a local course or group or find a friend or relative who is confident in the kitchen who could show you some basic healthy recipes that fit your requirements and tastes. I have taught a couple of people who swore they could not bake to make cakes and having someone by your side can help as they can explain things better than a book.
Thanks for your very honest post - I look forward to us all supporting each other on this journey. We have taken the hardest step by facing up to our challenges.
I would like to say I am rather amazed at the large array of well-thought-out, well-meaning posts. I would like to thank you all for taking the time to drop by and share your thoughts, it means a lot to me. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you all - unfortunately, I have been ill the past couple of days.
A common theme that seems to come up is breaking down the challenges, of a need to adjust my expectations. I am starting from a very low base and need to break it down. It may not be possible to get immediate results. I have to just work on improving my (admittedly) appalling habits - I'm hoping I can introduce an alcohol-free night here, a new meal tried there - and maybe if I try to increase those it will eventually help. I don't want to think too far ahead.
I am on a less depressed day, so I try to get a lot done these days. I have a known bias against myself and will always find the negatives. In therapy I have been taught that I have to try harder to find the positives, as it's unlikely anyone is all good or all bad. So for instance tonight was booze-free, it seems important to celebrate that, as I will surely kick myself for any other slips.
I will be trying some of the suggestions aboev - and I think it's too soon to try to lose weight, perhaps slowing the weight gain is a better short-term goal - and I'll be trying to score little victories here and there. I'm not sure this quite fits with the forum - is there an appropriate place to share this?
Regardless, thank you for the suggestions, and I look forward to trying some of them out on small scale - I also appreciate you sharing your own experiences.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Hello I'm new here
I am new here and welcome your ideas and support to help me lose 10 stones.
Planning evening meals ahead
I'm new here and need advice.
