Struggling!!!

Hi,

Just need to have a little rant as I'm struggling a little bit at the moment! Feeling really down about a few things and the doctors aren't really helping me! The past few weeks my hair growth (hirsutism) has got much much worse and I feel so manly and ugly and not feminine at all. I shave my legs, armpits etc and the hair is back the very next day I have stubble all over! The bits affecting me most at the minute is my stomach and face! My stomach is like a mans even when I shave or pluck you can see where the hair is growing and I feel so self conscious! As we are trying to conceive the doctor just keeps saying there is nothing she can do to help me and to try change my diet and lifestyle (I am not Overweight at all in fact I have lost weight nearly half a stone without meaning to past few weeks)

My partner is so supportive and says he doesn't notice it but there is no way you can't notice it it's hideous. We are wanting to book a holiday abroad but I know I will feel very self conscious in a bikini and it worries me. We have also been trying for a baby for nearly a year now with no joy and it's all I can think about and I have dreams of having a baby and it makes me so sad some days. I have a beautiful 4 year old already so I feel so guilty that I feel this way at times as other days I feel so grateful and lucky that I have the one. I had her young without trying for a baby before all my symptoms appeared.

Just wanted to get it all out and wonder if anyone can offer any advice on the hair and the next steps for baby trying as it's been a year.

Thank you

6 Replies

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  • Hi Hun, I'm kerry and I am going through the exact same thing as you. It feels like I'm in a long dark tunnel with no light at the end. It's so hard to face yourself in the mirror everyday and have to shave places a woman should never have to shave. I feel for you, but we all have to stick together and hope one day there will be a cure. In the meantime have you asked your GP about any prescription creams you can use on your face? I do know of one that can be prescribed, I'm going to my GP today and I'm just going to beg for anything. It's got to the point where I can't even let my boyfriend stay over night, I'm pushing him and my family away because I feel so unattractive. I guess my advice to you would be that genuinely you're not alone and others like me are in the same boat as you. You have to be strong for yourself and your family, it seems like you have a really supportive guy which is awesome. Good luck in your battle and know that when your generation becomes elderly it's the beauty inside that is most important to others as looks fade, but our personalities are who we are. Be strong and know you're not in this fight alone xx

  • Hi Kerry, thank you for replying! It's good to know I'm not alone. I have been to my GP so many times and the last time being only last week where she said there's nothing she can do for me as I am trying to conceive nothing is safe including the creams! She suggested electrolysis and waxing and gave me the name of a salon where you get discount but I don't think she understands the embarrassment I feel! I'm not a very confident person anyway and feel uncomfortable in salons as it is! So at the moment I am stuck with shaving and plucking almost every day! We have party's and weddings coming up and I refuse to go because I feel so paranoid and ugly. I am just all over at the moment and would love some sanity back in my life. I get tempted to go back on the pill but that is defeating the object 😞. I'm sure I will get there just like you said feels like there is no light right now! I hope you feel well and aren't struggling too much too! Thank you so much xx

  • You are more than welcome, I know get together date extreamly hard when you feel like people can tell, and I also feel your pain about the wedding as my younger sister is getting married soon and she will be getting married in London and being a northern girl I'm going to have to go down for three nights which means four days of shaving and it will be so noticeable so I too have refused to go because of the paranoia as you mentioned. I know what you feel about going into salons too, I feel like when I walk in I am the centre of attention, and that's just for a hair cut! When I tried electrolysis I wanted the floor to open up beneath me and swallow me, but despite that I kept going back for session after session and followed all instructions and it still didn't work, what we go through on a day to day basis is a horrible thing and there is no awareness of it, we have to deal with it both physically and mentally and people think it's no big deal but to us it's the biggest thing taking up all of our thought processes. I hope you find some solitude in the fact that there are many more people out there who struggle on with this problem and who feel as both you and I do. Stay strong and try to think of your end goal of getting pregnant and the joy a new baby would bring to you, that can be your light! You take care, message me anytime :) xx

  • Exactly it's just an awful feeling and I feel so bad for my partner having to put up with me and I don't want to spoil things for him but I just can't face it at all! We are wanting to book a holiday but just so worried about wearing a bikini or anything too revealing because of it and I don't want it to ruin the holiday. I have read a lot about electrolysis not really working so is not even an option in my mind for the money it would cost. I have just got some spearmint capsules to try so I will let you know how I find them! But thank you it's so lovely to have other women feeling the same way to chat to! Likewise, you can also message me too! Thank you xx

  • It is really tricky when you are TTC to deal with the hair - I just got waxed (and also used an epilator generally, as you can get one for your face nowadays (use a wet and dry type as much less painful doing it in the shower)), it also grows back softer too so you don't get the 5 o'clock shadow. To top it all when I did get pregnant you can either get hairier or less hairier and I was so looking forward to less hair - nope I turned into a yeti !!

    Trust your partner though, he loves you for you, men honestly don't notice what we notice, I think also because we can feel it, we think it is more noticeable than it really is - they don't notice it, it is more your body language and self consciously touching your face etc that makes it more noticeable. Trust your partner ...

    As for TTC, you are limited on your fertility help because you already have a baby, but there is no reason why you wouldn't be prescribed clomid. You need to go to the GP and get the ball rolling, your partners sperm will need to be tested too as 1/3 of fertility issues are now men so get his diet really good diet and up the zinc (my hubbie took the Boots Vit C and Zinc tablets and his improved by over 100% in a year).

    Also when TTC, make sure you do the deed every other day rather than every day so the sperm gets a chance to strengthen up for the long swim. Do you know if you are ovulating, are you checking your temperature or anything ? Periods don't really mean too much as you can have a period and not ovulate and not have a period and ovulate so it is nice and straight forward, I know lots of ladies that have conceived without a period !! Look at the fertilityfriends website as it advises how to take your temperature as this is most accurate way for pcos ladies as the ovulation predictor kits can be a bit hit and miss.

    Good luck, book that holiday definitely and really honestly just wax and no one will know you have hair issues when you are in that bikini (and don't be embarrassed about going to a beauty salon as they are very very aware of pcos and the dreaded hair, we keep them in business!!)

  • Hi thank you so much for your reply it put a little smile on my face! I am thinking of buying an epilator or a home waxing kit but don't think I would be very good at it haha! I'm thinking of going to get my facial hair waxed but it's my stomach and others areas I don't feel comfortable with and made the terrible mistake of shaving it!!

    He really is my rock and so supportive so I try not to talk about it too much with him. I spiked to my doc about him being tested but he's with a different surgery so needs to go see his own doctors as it's been almost a year now.

    I started testing for ovulation and like you say it was very useful at all I was never ovulating when I should be and I then got told that women with PCOS can't really track it as results aren't reliable with either so I stopped bothering and just thought I would go with it and see what happens. I spoked to my doc today and she has said to ring up with my next period if I get it and to ask for Day 21 blood tests so hopefully I will know in a few weeks if I am ovulating or not.

    Thank you so much for the advice it really is appreciated it's nice to talk to people who know what it's like.

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